Med School Life (Part 2)

Salam and hi!

As promised, second and last part of the journey. You can read first part here.

2014

Hello clinical year! I should be at home for 3 months holiday tapi gatal tangan, I applied for summer research. Extra money beb, haha. Oh well, dah every summer kena bayar 200 euro for resit exam, I need money okay plus duit hilang dulu. Huhu.

So, that summer, I spent amazing days with amazing orthopedic team. Alhamdulillah managed to publish the case report but still trying to publish the paper (up until today. My supervisor is nice but scary. He just emailed me few days ago asking about publishing the paper! Hey, it has been 2 years okay. Menghantui. Lols) Anyway, it was a great experience, people called me DR. (kuat berangan time ni. Haha) 

Apart from that, it was a tough year emotionally. This was the year I was involved in relationship which I am bad in it. There were ups and downs but alhamdulillah I can say we survived that year.

Welcoming 4th year! New things to learn. I passed most of the modules in first semester but it wasn't 100% anyway, need to include case report etc. So, let's see the following year.

amazing team during summer research - OT MGH,2014

my playground- MGH,2014

2015

I enjoyed studying O&G, paeds, GP and psych. But it was a lot in a year! So, again, resit. Almost all modules, except OSCE. Sigh. Maybe I do love talking. Ehehs. 

 Went for viva earlier because it was borderline mark. It was scary. 4 examiners - 2 internal, 2 external from UK. Susah okayy soalan. I hate viva. Lols. and true enough, I didn't make it.

Received a warning email from med school telling me I have last chance to continue medicine. Debar tuh tak payah cakap. Fear of failure creeping me again. I didn't tell anyone about the email except Him, The Almighty. Hope vs Fear, you decide. So, I choose Hope. 

This time was different than before. I was stronger both emotion and mental. I seek for help. Number of classmates help us. They arranged online tutorials, shared notes, tips, past year questions etc. Alhamdulillah. I'm grateful to have them and my partner in 'crime' Jasmin. We do MCQ for GP EVERYDAY through Skype. Epic. Memang memorable betul la.


And Alhamdulillah I made it.

So, hello final year! Excited! First semester was okay. I passed my first semester exam. This time I'm pretty sure I passed. To be honest, I love final year first semester. The coolest team ever - Omar, the Canadian, Mico, the philipino, and Chichi, the Nigerian. Sooo international okayyy. Hardworking boleh tahan. I did enjoy my time with them. Any challenges? Ujian? Yes, the relationship part again. Lols. Begitulah hidup. Haha.

Omar, Chi chi, Mico, dream team 1.0 - OT, 2015

the study group for 2 years. *love*

2016

Second semester was more like junior intern. They expect us to be like an intern. Do all the intern job. Blood, prescribe, ECG etc. Lots of self studying. It was okay apart from kena marah. Sumpah memang akan ingat. That Huntington patient with inquiry for stroke. Medical student doing the referral to stroke team? Yeah, that’s me. Med student request for CT scan. Yeah, that's me. All without supervision. She just arah me to do it by MYSELF. For the first time. Since then, I hate MAU and her. Haha. Anyway, old story. She taught me to become more head-strong, ask for help, etc Ala HO kat Malaysia lagi teruk kena marah. I think now I have hati kering. Preparing me for future I guess.

I love surgery or anything that have definite stuffs like organizing, administrating, etc. but not medicine which so confusing, end up the patient come back again because they are still smoking or not compliance to medication or poor access to healthcare or not attending OPD etc. In general medicine, we can't treat the patient properly if the healthcare system that we are living in is not supportive or not accommodative.


Back to 2016 stories, if you read my previous previous post, I did mention about forgive myself yadaa yadaa. So, I was so panicked during the long case, and I did poorly in it. I thought I would cover it up with my short case and theory papers. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. It comes separately.

In long case, there was a patient with community acquired pneumonia with no co morbidity. It was pretty straight forward case. The examiner said I present it well, but I did poorly in my discussion part. They asked about fluid and oxygen management (though they want to know about CURB 65, geeee. I have prepared that okayy) There are no definite management for fluid (I learnt this during extended rotation) but well things happened, the examiner want to hear what inside his mind. I don't like the surgeon examiner. (haha)

Anyway, I was called for viva the evening after my short case. Urgh. Panic attack stroked again. 5 people in a room and me alone. I think I did fairly well about hyperkalemia management not until they asked on mechanism of ACE inhibitor. Heyyy, I thought they want to ask only management. Geee. And the surgeon asked about post-opt AAA patient with endoleak. I couldn’t figure out on endoleak. Sobs sobs. But I said about shock tho. Huhu. The external examiner asked on MI, Alhamdulillah managed to answer all his questions and ECG interpretation. What an experience! 

And later that very same day, I received a call saying I didn't pass. Everything happened so fast - sat for exam in the morning, got a call from med school in the afternoon, two hours later went to the hospital for viva, few hours after that received a call I failed. So, here it goes, an extension rotation. Sobs. Heartbroken? Yes. Depress? Hurm not really. Maybe a little. Need to cancel my trip to Egypt and going back to Malaysia instead. For a week.


Went to see the Prof with my brother by my side and go through all the marks. The school was wondering why I didn't pass my long case given that I have a pretty high marks for the other modules - my short case and the paper. To be honest, I love my short cases. All examiners were very nice and helpful and it was only 6 minutes each station anyway. It was on Aortic Stenosis, RA, Sepsis, Vanc prescription, radiology CT brain extradural haemorrhage, ankle fracture, lung collapse, and COPD (hate this station. Huhu)


So, things happened. There you go 2 months extension. Went to Swiss and Italy with Kak Yanti, and went back to Malaysia for a week before the rotation starts. Well, balik Malaysia for another drilling session with my sister who is now a specialist oncologist. Boleh tahan la drill dia. But it was good.

enjoy each moment lols

while waiting for tutorials.lols, - comerford,2016

During the extension, went to UK number of times given that my parents were here for my brother's graduation. Banyak kali juga la tuang. Lols. But heyyy I did extra work okay. I went for oncall, scrub in, etc.

Learnt a lot in these 2 months since it was a very personal training. The tutors were very close to us. How much I hate MAU before had turned to love. Because of the people. Gituuu. Indeed, the place doesn't mean anything if there are no one there to make it meaningful.

The consultant and the team in MAU were different than before. This time, everyone in the team received an email saying medical students are coming and we are the special one. They gave a very special attention too. -_-" In fact, they were so curious how come we failed (see, we are not that bad. We are just special) Haha. What to do boss, things happened. Panic is not good. And you know what they did to me after knowing I failed because I was so panic, they drilled me really hard, bombarded with lots lots lots of questions. Present case, not a problem, at the tip of the tongue. Gitu haaa. They do a very good job in overcome my weakness. That's medicine rotation.

after solat. haha. - CSI Prayer Room,2016

Surgical rotation was another story. The surgical tutors were well known for being mean. I haven't experience it but people told me that. Oh well, since I love surgery, I love to challenge myself. Down tak payah cakap la bila kena. They were straight forward. Whatever questions you asked them, they will ask you back. They make you think instead of spoon-feeding. They were mean but in a positive way. Towards the end of the rotation, they were actually very nice. "you know Deejay, if you go in this pace, you will definitely pass, not just pass, but with flying colors"

just before present to GerFlah. *excuse for our obsession on each other. what to do. we are special* ehehs - Comerford, 2016

Then towards the end of rotation, five (or sometimes 6) of us make our own team, we do our own ward round, examine patient by ourselves, exam stimulation. It was so great. Fefeling doctor. Haha. Having classmates as intern make our life soooo much easier. Whenever we saw them, "do you have interesting patient?" lols.


So, the actual exam came. For long case, I got a cellulitis patient with venous ulcer on background of diabetes. The examiners were Prof O'Brien and Ms Malone (heard she was scary, but luckily she was super nice during exam) So, they asked about why they keep the patient, type of ulcer, management of cellulitis, management of venous ulcer, pathophysiology of venous ulcer, Marjolin ulcer, diabetes medications, COPD as she has that. Overall, I did well. (because it is a surgical case. Lols)


Then, I have not-so-short case, (depa suka je tambah-tambah exam), a patient with pontine stroke. Hoho. Sumpah tak tahu pontine stroke. Tahu la stroke. Anyway, they asked me to examine, do neuro exam, asked about innervation of the lips, do speech exam, asked about causes of stroke, do CVS exam, interpret ECG, management of Afib. It was 15 minutes or more in that particular patient. It was horrible. Trust me. The two examiner were so weird? They were being too helpful until my brain stop working. Lols. I don't like the case at all anyway. 

The patient has a bit of articulation problem, muscle, but speech center was fine. I want to say that but the examiner cut me off saying he has normal speech. Ouh alright. Then the ECG part, it was irregular and haywire, though A.Fib but I can see the P wave. Hence, I said there was P wave. Damn. The pulse was not that easy to figure out if A.Fib. I try to listen with my stets, but sound normal. Again, I was screwed. The patient has one sided pronator drift. Though about cerebellum. The examiner asked on symptoms for pontine stroke. Weyy, function of pons pon lupa okayyy. (sila Google sekarang) Again, another screwed.

A pontine stroke is a stroke that occurs in the pons, which is a portion of the brain stem. The pons is located between the midbrain and medulla. Its function is to relay messages between the cerebral hemispheres and cerebellum.- ref

The positive part - I answered correctly about the causes of stroke, management of A.Fib, I examined correctly the neuro system, speech, and CVS.

It was horrible. Went back home, cried. Waiting for Jasmin to go back. She was after me. Was talking to her, complaining etc, then suddenly we received a call from med school saying we pass!!! We did sujud syukur immediately and going crazy! Hahah. All five of us passed the exam. Alhamdulillah. Despite the horrible exam, huhu, Allah is soooo generous. Everything happened so fast! And later that day we went out for celebration. The feelings MasyaAllah, relief, feels like a huge burden has been lift up from our shoulders.

our dream team 2.0 _ Josh, Max, Jen, DJ, Ashley and Min. Our first celebration. The day of exam (& result!) -High Cafe, 2016

our third celebrations? lols. Play Name It Game in the middle of cafe. haha. Gourmet Tart Cafe, Salthill, 2016 

adios eire! beannacht, Éire, dublin airport,2016

____________________________________________________________________

So, there you go my life journey in med school. Not included in this are - how my family supports me, my bestfriend PPG, him, my studygroup mate, my Galwegians family, my UK and Ireland family, other important people in my life and this blog. All those give me a huge impact. Not to mention the One and only, Allah. How He brings me through all those hardship, to become a better servant. Amin.

For time being, meh la berbakti pada ibu bapa. After 13 years staying away from home. Separuh umur weyyy. (5 years in high school, 2 years in college, 6 years in university) Hurm. Cukup solehahkah aku, Mami Papa?

Hence, answering to my busy schedule even though jobless/half-employed.

Just a kind reminder to myself. Rezeki manusia tak sama. Lain orang lain rezekinya dan kita memang akan diuji, be it in academic,relationship or iman. Have gone through that before. My studies were okay, then suddenly came the relationship challenge. Huhu. But all these happens should bring us closer to Him.


Whatever you do in life, be a good one. :)



1234
12 Muharram 1438H
Lot 2740

Med School Life (Part 1)

Salam and hi!

It has been agesssss (hyperbole) since the last time I wrote here. Oh well, I am busy. Lols. Busy tanam anggur. Haha. JK.

Just joking. For the last 3 months +, there are soooo many life changing events. From being a student to jobless to half employed worker, then from being a caveman (duk gua. Lols) to half-social person (I wouldn't consider myself as social type person) From being single to married (in my dream. Hahah) and the list goes on. It was so hectic with full of roller-coaster emotion here and there. But above all, Alhamdulillah for the blessings from Above.

So, as I said, from a student to jobless, it means Alhamdulillah I'm done with med school! Yay! I have been thinking I should write on my long med school journey. For my future reference, that I have survived. If you are a regular reader or my close friends, you might know what happened in my life for the last 6 years. But I didn't wrote down exactly what happened (but you can guess or assume) as believe it or not I am kind of a private person. Ha ha ha. Yeah, I know.

 So, this time, I'm gonna write a very long post of my 6 years journey. But not so details (I hope. Wink) I do hope you will learn something (apart from knowing more about me. Hahah *perasan*)

So, here it goes! Let's the journey begin! Vroooommm

2010

Alhamdulillah I passed my IB exam with flying colors (I would say) and I have very wonderful memories back in KMB. With PPG by my side, up until today, and counting. My classmates are cool, awesome, unique, name-it. It was all good apart from IB wasn't that easy, but Alhamdulillah I managed and enjoyed every moment as an IB student. (plus, my transition from all girls world to understand the creatures from Mars. Lols)

So, in Sept 2010, I flew to Ireland. The journey took me 3 days (flight delay etc, I have wrote about it back in 2010) It wasn't a smooth sailing. I lost a HUGE amount of money during that journey plus my bank draft for 6 months allowance and it was first day of Syawwal when we first arrived the city. It was horrible. I was very tired emotionally and physically. Not because homesick, but the thought that I broke my mom's heart. Yeah. My parents got angry because I was so careless. I need to manage my financial carefully. Plus, Irish accent wasn't that familiar. And at that time our anatomy lecturer was an Italian which make it worse. I barely understand what he said. It took me a while to grab the knowledge. But it was too late. I need to resit few papers during summer. (3 papers in total, I have friend with 4 or more, but she survived)

creature from Mars

classmates

raya 2010

2011

Summer 2011, I went home and come back early for the exam and back home again for raya celebration. Spent my first summer Ramadhan in Ireland which means longer days. And at that time, we lived in a 'cave'. No one knows we were there. I can't stand and told my cousin (who was working in Dublin). She came down to see me and gave moral support.

After the exam, I bought my first smartphone, considering the result will be out during my journey back to Ireland in September. Later, I clearly remember I checked my result in a bus on the way back to Galway with a thought that I come back as a second year student. Unfortunately, it did't happen. I failed my two out of three modules by only few marks. 2011 was a tough year. I went to see lecturers, thinking about appeal. Attend second year class in denial state that I am repeating first year again. Alone. It took me sometime to accept the fate. (you can read the blog post back in 2011. All the rants, the struggles)

But hey, I passed my anatomy anyway! That's the biggest achievement as most of my classmate repeating that. Huhu.

my small family in Galway during those tough times - 2011

2012

Early 2012, I was still adjusting with the new life, different timetable than my housemates, different life, different class, etc. But Alhamdulillah Allah brings me through it. I have wonderful people around me. My small family in Galway, seniors, friends, juniors, classmates, housemates. 13 of the class repeating the year. We sat together and form a study group. So,yup have been mingle with them for some time. (as the only one Malaysian. Have to)

Thank God we were only repeating the one that we failed, not like RCSI. I'm glad Allah put me in this university. So, it wasn't too bad. It was just the fear of failure got me. Feeling it was like disgrace, unfortunate, and all negative words. But to be honest, I learnt a lot about life. Sekarang boleh la cakap, when it happens, depress mak oi. Lols. 

Anyway, I passed my summer exam and have 3 months of summer holiday, yay!

The 2nd year first semester was okay, adjusting with full timetable (since I have one class per week for a year before!) so, no more waking up late, welcome presentations, assignment, essays! Plus adjusting with extra Malaysians classmates!

new classmates. have been mingle with mat salleh for the whole one year-oh well, we were in a same boat what. ngeee

2013

2nd year was okay initially. I nailed all those killer subjects. Health and Disease (H&D), Drugs and Disease (D&D), and other big modules with huge credits! I love that subject because it was soooo practical and solving problem style. ( I am that type of person) But but but it didn't end there. Life is not like a bed of roses! Indeed, I need to resit 2 small tiny modules. Genetic and Molecular Medicine. For God's sake, to be honest, I don't understand that modules at all. Anyway, redah je laaa. 

Went home for summer and stayed at my sister's house to babysit her son and at the same time taught me about those modules since she was doing her master in Oncology. So, it is kinda related but I still can't make sense of it. After the exam, there was a moment where the unofficial result was release. Bear in mind, I HAVE to pass this exam to continue study medicine. Our university didn't allow to repeat a year twice. 

Back to the unofficial result, it turned out I didn't pass by one mark. So, it means I have to go back home. For good. I felt so down, depress, stress, etc. But I believe there was still hope. (one incident in the past where the IB points change in a night and no one knows how it happened) I keep praying to Allah. Ask for His Guidance and Strength. Only Allah knows how desperate I was. How I really want to stay. How bad I want it. No one knows about those bad days. Not even my parents, or PPG or my housemates. 

Few days later, the official result was out when I was in a friend house. I excused myself and on the way home, at the road side, I checked, and Alhamdulillah I passed! I didn't how it happened, but I passed. I clearly remember I did sujud syukur at that particularly place, ignore the pedestrians, the neighbors, the Irish etc. It was the most wonderful feelings ever! Trust me, you will feel Allah hears you. And yes He is, always.

So, hello third year! Nothing much. Again trying hard, pledge for no more resit and Alhamdullillah I made it.

Raya Haji 2013, presentation day on H&D. Katie was one of the most positive friend I have ever since first year. We have gone through a lot together. All those repeating dramas. Lols - 2013

To be continued.... chee wahhh. Hehe


Lot 2740
12 Muharram 1438H
1143

Almost there

18 days to finals and your last rotation is in peripheral.
In a way, you are grateful to be away from those stressful environment when you see your classmates lingering around the wards looking for potential patients for exams (yes, they did. The most common questions in history taking - Have you ever being asked to come to our exam? or in the past? No kidding, this is what we asked our patients. And the long queue to see the 'potential patients'. Just to see the face okayyy. because the patients rejected seeing lotttts of students already. That's what we did) And it's sooooo stressful seeing your classmates in the library too.


Being in peripheral hospital is a blessing in disguise I guess (maybe) The environment is sooo calm, the patients are friendly, never got rejected, and the intern is not soo busy. And another blessings I should remember is seeing familiar faces! My research team!! As usual, the consultant called you Dr! Ehehs.  (But I was too excited until I forgot to ask for tutorial or even to present a case -_-' oh well, I still have two more weeks here. Ortho department will be my next playground. Ehehs. Will definitely see them again :)

BUT then again, the downside is, you are kinda lost in abyss. AGAIN. Urgh. You have soooo many things to study - both for MCQ, short case, long case. (and here I am writing a blog post. sigh) Have been studying with my cottage-mate for the past few days but still haven't figure out where should I start. I have starting jumping here and there. At one point, I go through past year paper, suddenly jump to short case, and then long case, and then go random topic all over the place. At the end of the week, I don't know what I have achieved for the past 5 days. Lost my sanity on arranging timetable and schedule. Make a list but it turns out to be a bad idea because it shut you down. Too stressful to handle. (the downside of being Melancholic) 

Yes, I shut myself down for the past few days. Text my sister telling her I think I have depression. Lols. Not easy, man. Being alone and surrounded with people not that close to you. ( I miss my PPG who just say anything straight to my face and always being positive. Yes, after 6 years, no one can replace you guys. Honesty is the key. But things are escalate too quickly. Each one of us have go different paths. May Allah make it ease. Long distance relationship is hard. I wish I can be with both of you during ups and downs but I can't :(

I don't have time to rant all those things that I don't have. I should stop complaint and count my blessings. I really should do that. Just to keep my sanity. 

At the end of the day, you just realized that you are just weak, lembik creature that are soo hopeless without the help from ABOVE. (and yet, you act like sombong, knowing everything will be fine, and sound so powerful, huh. bongkak tuh namanya) 

Looking forward to sooo many things after the exams. Count your blessings, dear. Almost there. Almost there.

Pray a lot!!! You can't control the consultant's heart, the patient's mood. it is sooooo subjective. Even the intern told you, it is sooo difficult to say. So, pray harder! Just do what you can do. 

Keep calm and just study. Pray!!!!!!! Ask from Allah, Ar Razak!!!!!

Indeed, I'm in need of guidance. 

The view from the room

Next to our BnB. SubhanaAllah. it is soooo magnificent! 

Let's back to business, shall we?

Take a deep breath and yosh!

Bulberry, Lough Lannagh

2315

1 Rejab 1437H

Mujahadah itu sukar

Baru sahaja berikrar untuk bermujahadah (refer to previous post), Allah terus menguji. Diuji dengan perasaan, diuji dengan relationship, diuji dengan istiqamah etc Allahu, benarlah syurga tuhan itu mahal. Papa selalu pesan, Allah kata, ingat syurga Aku itu murah, huh? *tampar diri sendiri*

Baru 2 hari, beratnya hati dan diri diuji. hurm.

Alhamdulillah semalam sempat bermujahadah ke padang, menunaikan hak badan yang tertangguh berbulan lamanya. Namun, ujian itu datang bertubi-tubi. Hurm


Mami pernah berpesan, tengok pada perkara yang Allah bagi. Ya, ujian itu datang, tapi Allah itu Maha Penyayang.

Ada benarnya, malam itu, ada orang berkongsi ayat. Surah Al-Ahqah, ayat 13-14, berkaitan ciri-ciri penghuni syurga. Dia mengaku tiada tuhan melain Allah, Allah itu Rabbnya, tidak risau dengan apa yang akan berlaku dan tidak sedih dengan apa yang telah berlaku. dan dia taat pada kedua ibu-bapanya.




Allahu.

Peringatan buat diri.

Walau apapun yang berlaku, kembali kepada tuhan.

Jangan bersedih hati, jangan terlalu risau.

Ada benda yang luar dari kawalan.

Ada benda yang telah berlaku.

Letakkan kepercayaan kepada Dia, Yang Maha Esa.

Dia, yang memegang hati manusia.

Buat apa yang patut anda lakukan.

Apabila seorang pemuda bertanya kepada Imam Hasan Al-Basri :

"Aku telah banyak melakukan maksiat,mengapa aku tidak dihukum oleh Allah?" Lantas Imam Hassan Al Basri bertanya kembali kepada pemuda itu..

"Apakah setiap malam kamu bangun tahajud?"

"Tidak." ujar pemuda itu.

"Itulah hukuman kamu yang seberat-beratnya.Tiada hukuman yang lebih perit jika Allah telah berpaling darimu. Dia tidak lagi mahu "berbicara" dan "mendengar bicara " darimu, dibiarkan lena itu panjang padamu..

"Cukuplah Allah swt menarik nikmat dan kelazatan tahajud dalam dirimu itu sebagai hukuman kepadamu"

Allahu rabbi. :(

Bertaubat.

Kembali kepada tuhan, wahai diri.

Have faith in Him and him.

ان الذين قالوا ربنا الله ثم استقاموا فلا خوف عليهم ولا هم يحزنون
Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang menegaskan keyakinannya dengan berkata: "Tuhan kami ialah Allah", kemudian mereka tetap teguh di atas jalan yang betul (dengan pengakuan iman dan tauhidnya itu), maka tidak ada kebimbangan (dari sesuatu yang tidak baik) terhadap mereka, dan mereka pula tidak akan berdukacita. 46;13

اولئك اصحاب الجنة خالدين فيها جزاء بما كانوا يعملون
Merekalah ahli Syurga, tetap kekalah mereka di dalamnya, sebagai balasan bagi amal-amal soleh yang mereka telah kerjakan. 46;14

Jom Mujahadah! p.s lukisan ketika di International Dinner yang lepas. Melayan perasaan. huhu.

Istisyhad

1425

9 Jamadilawwal 1437

It is not the end

Allah knows.

Grateful.

Focus.

Faith.

Trust Him.

Jangan pernah berputus asa dengan rahmatNya.

You are the choosen one. Allah bagi peluang.

Doa!

P/s exam esok. Semoga dikurnikan kelancaran. Ask the strength from Him, dear! Bukan blogger -_-"

Psst source of picture: Google plus

2151

3 Syaaban 1435H

Riyadhus Solihin