Sinners

Sabda Nabi SAW

كُلُّ بَنِي آدَمَ خَّطَّاءٌ وَخَيْرُ الْخَطَّائِينَ التَّوَّابُونَ
Setiap anak Adam sering bersalah, dan sebaik-baik yang bersalah adalah yang bertaubat.

(Ibn Majah kitab az-Zuhd bab dzikrit-taubah no. 4251, Sunan ad-Darami kitab ar-Riqaq bab fit-Taubah no. 2727, Musnad Ahmad bab hadits Anas Ibn Malik. No. 13072)

Mengaku jiwa seorang hamba. #koyak

I am just one. The reason behind I can't keep too many relationships. I am just one.

I have one belated birthday present waiting to be posted and I have one letter, half way written waiting to be finished. And I have medical books that need to be read. I have patients that I need to talk too. I have many histories that I need to present.

In the end, I am just a weak creature. Hanya seorang hamba. Tak mampu penuhi semua tuntutan.

6 weeks more.
Fighting!
In need of courage to face the scary consultants. Too many negativity in MAU. Rosak mood. Asyik lari je.
I should just do it. Face it, dear.

As time goes by, you realized that you have changed. I am used to become a risk taker. Pantang dicabar. I am clearly remembered during the days in theater when this particular anesthetist (consultant) said to me, 'where is your tools, doctor?' Haih, perli la tuh tak bawak stets masuk theater. And dia pernah jugak cakap, 'I know you have a beautiful face, but don't you think you should do something?' amboiii, consultant ni. Well, the more he said those stuffs yang menyakitkan hati, the more I love to stick around him. Hahah. And yes, I did that for the whole 1 week.  Masuk theater purposely looking for him and there was one day, I told him, "see, I bring  my stets!" lols.

Those were just few months ago. 

But, those days when you are that brave, hurm, not anymore? 

You kind of becoming more reserve especially when someone compete with you.

The last 3 weeks, were tough enough. I hate being judged (ke perasaan je?) and compete with others. Jiwa sudah tua. Tak larat nak bertanding. Datang untuk belajar. I am just another human being. Dulu rasa ala-ala superhero. Lols. Sekarang, sedar diri ini sekadar hamba yang hina. 

 
To my dear brother,
I am sorry for not being a good sister. :(

Helpless. Because the only help you can ask from is only Him, Allah, The Almighty.

Badan aku hanya satu.
Wahai tuhan, jagakan dia untuk aku.
Jagakan dia.
Jagakan mereka.
Agar tidak hanyut dengan dunia penuh durjana dan fitnah.


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