Thursday, January 21, 2016

Pausing to delight

Salam and hi!

My sister-in-law share this article on her FB. (The link is at the end) And I have found an answer to my inner self confusion.

For the past years, with all technologies, I feel the world is moving so fast. (refer to my older post) And I'm struggling. Being a person living with checklist, I have found out that my to-do list keep on growing everyday i.e check Whatsapp, text this and that person, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, read that article, journal, guidelines etc. At one point, I feels frustrated because I can't fulfill the list. (Well, of course the reason is my inability in prioritise things. Yes, I'm aware of that. When you are care so much about everything and you are overthinking, you can't stop yourself from thinking the possibility of the things that you will miss. And you trying hard to make it perfect but you know you can't. Yes. I'm that type of person) At the end, I am try to slow it down.

Let me gives you an example.
Between cook rice, wash dishes, boil water and prepare to cook chicken. I will calculate the possibility of each task. Rice needs some time to cook. So, I will start to cook rice first but the sink is full with dirty plates, if I wash the dishes first, I will delay cook the rice. But how can I cook the rice if the sink is full? So, wash dishes first. But the water from washing the rice is good for plant (Mum told me this) and can be used as air bilas for the dirty plates. So, should I water the plant afterwards? And so on.

You will see me standing at the end of the kitchen thinking which one to start first. And that's my brain. Well, eventually I will do it everything. Those are days when smartphone aren't exist. Slowly, those thinking time has been replaced with checking the phone, do stuffs here and there and less using the brain. Now, whenever I am doing the chores, I will just do it. Like a robot. Didn't think much of the consequences. You will see me soo lincah at the kitchen. Go here and there. Padahal boleh je go here sekali je. Erk. Anyway, I thought that's ok (even though some parts of me disagree. That's come the inner self confusion)

Until I read this article. (the link is at the end). The words 'Hurry Up' is not the solution. The article is beautifully written as a point of view as a mother in dealing with their kids. But I have read somewhere (I can't remember where) saying each adult have a child part. And this part is the one that we need to constantly tame, teach (didik), care. If you can do that, you can teach your own child in the future.

"Pausing to delight in the simple joys of everyday life is the only way to truly live."

Now I know the reason I am more happy in my college years than university life. Pause. Well, I still have time before it ends. 3 more months to go. I know I have lots to study, to catch up. But quality vs quantity. Being happy and grateful move you forward faster.

Well, I don't know if I am able to keep that attitude as a doctor in the future. This profession require fast decision making. Hopefully, I can calm down and maintain my machoness.. Lols.

Hope you get something from this!
Pause is not a sin.
Be reasonable.
There are things in life that need quick action, and there are things aren't.
Judge appropriately and leave it to Allah.
At the end of the day, Allah knows best!
May Allah bless!

The Day I Stopped Saying ‘Hurry Up’】 |

P/s what would my marriage life be in the future? Hurm. Harap tak menyesal. Lols. Well, hidup ke idak pun tak tahu. Buat bekalan tuh hukumnya wajib, sayang oiii.

Hentikan berangan. Moh le jinakkan sifat keanak-anakan dalam diri. Pimpin diri sebelum memimpin orang lain. Jom tidur! Erk. Study study. Ehehs.

9 Rabiulakhir 1437H

Gambar acah-acah happy family. Lols >. <

Saturday, January 16, 2016


Erk. I don't know who set the trend. It is just suddenly everyone starts to use that. Hipster? Hurm. I don't know.

But what I know is. Don't give up.

قَالُوا بَشَّرْنَاكَ بِالْحَقِّ فَلَا تَكُنْ مِنَ الْقَانِطِينَ

They said, "We have given you good tidings in truth, so do not be of the despairing."

قَالَ وَمَنْ يَقْنَطُ مِنْ رَحْمَةِ رَبِّهِ إِلَّا الضَّالُّونَ

He said, "And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except for those astray?"


The content. The substance. Not just the word. Well, maybe as a linguistic, you might find it unease. But as a lay person, and a person who appreciate the substance more, well I don't have a problem with that. Because the meaning is deep. (To be honest, I don't like it at first, criticise la jugak. Lols. But later, I realised that I need to respect other people way/opinion/trend. I am might not used it, but I will just keep quiet. Small matter I guess. Masalah ummat lagi kritikal oii)

Back to the topic. Don't give up.
It is just to keep you going.

Have a deep conversation with a housemate.  In this life, you will continuously face with ujian/ challenge. Be it as amanah (responsibilities/jawatan) or personal or academics. Allah will always test you. Even so you don't have any jawatan, but the free time itself can be your ujian/ challenge. So, why scared of taking the responsibilities?

This life is full of challenges.
The only place you can have a rest is hereafter. (Given that you have prepared for that. Ehehs)

But Allah said, never give up, don't despair of His Mercy. Believe in Him.

Keep on believing.
It will end soon.
It will.

Ask for Allah's forgiveness.
Dosa banyak sangat aiiii.

P/s terbaca ayat 15;55-56, tuh yang rasa nak tulis ni. #ingatsampaimati

4 Rabiualakhir 1437H

The view this morning. It is getting colder. Keep warm, friend. And stay hydrated and take a great care of your health. Well, untuk diri sendiri sebenarnya. Lols. 

Monday, January 11, 2016

100 days

Salam and Hi!

100 (+7) days more to my final exam. MCQ, long case, and short cases!!

Ujian dunia. Huhu.

To be honest, it feels so unreal. This is the year that I have been looking forward to since years ago. To get this degree.

Some people may say just another degree. Orang dah ada master bagai. Lols. Well, look at how passionate you are into the job. So, it is not just a degree. It is more than that.

Anyway, that's not my point. Here is what inside my mind. Rambling tiada faedah. Feel free to change your browser. ;)

In 100 more days, I will be sitting the exam. Finals. But I am acting like my exam in 200 days (or more)! This semester is full of uncertainties. As I said in previous post, feels like lost in abyss. Huh, betul sangat la tuh. This new system really get my nerves. Lost! Memang self-directed learning laaa. No guidance, no tutorial, no clinics, no hospital. *complaint je banyak. Studynya idak.Duhhh*

A friend said take it as your holiday. Erk, I am really taking my sweet time at the moment. And feel guilty later on. :(

Skyped with Papa and he asked me about my exam format etc. And he asked, "so, you don't have this type of question later? This? And this? No?" And I said, "no, Papa, we have that last year. That's why last year was difficult too" 

His answer, "aaaa senang la macamtuh. Easy. You will pass."

And I was like eh-eh. Sengih kambing.

And mum being mum, with worried face, "don't forget to study. You have exam coming. Revise. Plan well. Etc etc etc"

And again I was like eh-eh. Yes, Mum.

So, being a perfect melancholic, a plan is a must. Follow ke idak tuh, belakang kira. Ehehs.

I have make a plan how to tackle each exam. (And I need a partner. Got one for my medical. I need few more)

Many advice not to go alone. Being a lone ranger, that's very challenging. Need to push myself. With the new system, I can't be too picky, need to find people with same timetable and I need to push myself. Really hard.

Jangan menyesal kemudian hari. (Ok. That's scary)

So, dear myself,

Get out from your duvet.
Fight the cold.
Start working.
Do it now.
See patients.
Talk and do exams on patients (After you recover. Take care of yourself first, dear)
Follow your timetable.
Stay focus.
Endure it.
Just a little bit more.
Take control of your life

All is well.


P/s my new weekend ritual = Skype with Mami and Papa (I am usually just call them, rarely skype. Too troublesome to switch on laptop. But not anymore. New resolution. Ehehs)

+ Jogging (lama tak buat. Sobs. Naik lemak ni)

Looks like I have changed. Towards more feminist? Ehehs. Shopping? Really? Yup. Jeng jeng jeng.

30 Rabiulawwal 1437H

Wednesday, January 6, 2016


The worst enemy is yourself..

Trying hard to sleep.
Trying hard to get things organized.
Trying hard to become better.
Trying hard to find own identity.
Trying hard to become successful.
Trying hard to please Him.

And it is your own decision. Not others, not Papa, not Mami.

It is your road, dear. Not others.

Fight till the end, please. Not for people but for ummah, the sick ummah. Hence, you need to be strong!

Mujahadah, please!

Menangis dengan diri sendiri.. T_T

Mencari roh yang hilang.

2nd day of final semester and I lost in the woods, hanging, searching for the true soul. #ngarut

23 RabiulAwwal 1437H

August 2015, Blarney Castle, Cork