Saturday, October 15, 2011

different personality

Assalamualaikum and peace be upon u.

one month gone and one day had change my life. and in one second, i decide to stop writing. no kidding.. i want to stop writing. too much things to tell, too much things to share, too much things to think. but in the end none been written here, none been posting here, none people know what is inside my mind and heart. let it be. maybe thats the way to change.

here is a list on things inside my mind. no explanation. just what i think and i want you to think about it as well.

1. most of non muslims are more understanding than the muslims. why is that so?
2. non muslims practicing more islamic values in their life than the muslims.
3. there are many people called themselves as friends, but only some of them really care about us
4. ask, don assume
5. although some of the assumptions are true, but it does make difference when you ask.
6. word 'understand/faham' does make different especially when someone is in confusion or despair
7. pretending you know about someone or something is ain't cool at all
8. change of heart does happen
9. to face the world after a big failure is not as easy as what you think
10. you dont know others feeling unless you experience it yourself
11.just a simple word showing you care about her/him will change her/his world
12. words did not express what are inside the heart
13.only He knows what is inside someone's heart
14. never ever let anger in your heart
15. positive thinking
16. face the world and encourage others to do that as well
17. world is a small place, compare to heaven
18. Allah, the Most POWERFUL
19. watch your mouth
20. love and appreciate people around you.

lastly, LOVE ALLAH, HIS MESSENGER, MAMI, PAPA, SISTERS, BROTHERS, TEACHERS AND FRIENDS.


emotional person i'am. sensitive.wet eyes. ain't cool person anymore.nerdy. coward. stronger.thinner.funny. yup. people do change.

p.s only He knows what is exactly inside my mind.


Friday, September 9, 2011

philosophy of life

assalamualaikum wbt,

well, i'm back to reality. the truth about the world, about life. some people say life is like a wheel, sometimes you are at the top, sometimes you are at the bottom. n there is always upside down in this life. well, i do agree. in fact i believe in that. but i fail to understand that when i was at the top.

when something bad happen to you, you always said there must be a reason, it happens for a reason, etc2. but when something good happen to you, have you think the reason behind it?

some people said it is easier to be patience than being grateful of what happen. but i would said, both are difficult to do without faith. if you have faith in Him, everything will be easy. yup, easy to say, easy to write, but difficult to apply.

have you ever experienced constantly got bad news? or something bad that will turn your life upside down? or  something that become your turning point in your life? some people believe there must be a turning point in your life either to become a good or bad person.

as for me, i dont believe that. my everyday life is my turning point. everyday you have to choose what to do. if you choose want to live in the past, then thats it. but if you choose want to do good deeds, than you can become a good person. if you choose today you want to overcome your sadness, than it makes you stronger. so, i would say, everyday is your life turning point. but maybe some people experience something bigger that makes he/she turns 360 degree. but it still depends on what you do everyday.

my life journey is complicated. and it is getting more complicated. the more i think about my future, the more i'm unsure what my future will be, will i be alive till 30s? will i able to get married? will i be a doctor? n etc2.........those questions are remain in my head till those become reality.

new life. is there such thing as new life? yup, i believe that. new environment, new people, new everything. thats new life. but the truth is the definition of new life is based on you. if you define new life as changing your habits, etc2, than that is new life for you. as for me, new life means everything new [environment, mental and spiritual]. not physical. the physical remains the same. but what i think, what i do, may change. and of course norm as human being want something good. change to be a better person.

and it is not easy to change especially when people around you is not as supportive as your family. yup, i do believe environment and people around play an important role in life. some people disagree with this and said that they can change not because of surrounding as long as they have a strong will. well, my strong stand is based on the reason why you change. and extra credit to the people around you. it is not that you change because of people. but you change because you want to be a better person, and people around you help you to achieve what you want to be. those are 2 different things. change because of a person or change with the help of a person.

lastly, good bye old life, welcome new life, humaira. n i dont know whether to look forward to the new life or not. life is complicated. only He knows what is the best for me. "O Allah, please show me the right path in making this decision and please make me stronger. only You knows what is the best for me"

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

battle of hari raya

assalamualaikum and a very good day!

it is still syawal, so here goes my raya diary! haha. diary la sangat.
well, why i wrote 'battle' above, because there were battles everywhere throughout the short and sweet raya holiday. why battle??is it battle to get angpau?? or is it battle to get attention?? naah, not both.

it is a battle to be the best person, to be anak soleh, to be the one who deserve to be in jannah. cool  huh,
and i'm just the observer. the real contestants are 8 years kiddo and below. hohoh.

so, lets the pictures and video tell the story!!

1at day
otw to nye che's house, in the car. having iqra', memorizing surah, and arabic competition. lets see who can answer the most!
berkaroke iqra' otw balik kampong. heheh

video


2nd day - no news since I got fever and had been bedridden the whole day. T_T

3rd day- half of the day. here the highlights!
all the adults were doing preparation for the wedding and done with asr' prayer. forgetting that the kids want to pray too. so, at the end they pray by themselves. one of them become the imam, the other bilal and the rest makmum. *no physical or mental force involve* it is not a role play! they want to do that! willingly, ok.
*this is not a role play. and they pray full 4 rakaat*





4th day- the wedding day. this time battle to help the elders. Can you imagine each one of them running to get present each time people coming with presents. they were waiting in front of the house with big smile and ready to receive any presents. There was a table outside for presents. if it was overflow, then the kids should carry the remaining inside.What really happen was, it wasn't yet full or half full, but they already carried it inside regardless of the weight. 

guests said, "feel like kenduri in the garden" but i said "cam kenduri in semak" :P

this is where the kids and i waiting for the guests

5th day- open the presents! the kiddo love thisss sooo much. hehe. even their uncles and aunties too. :D

6th day- slowly going home. but still full with energy. hehe. i went to visit my new nephew - born on 1st syawal. :) his house has beach at the backyard. dont believe? lets see this.

here is a special open space area at the back of his small cute banglow.  :)


baby Ali. nama sempena amirul mukminin, khalifah saidina Ali.  semoga menjadi anak soleh. :)


video


video
sorry about the video, have to teleng ur head. hehe. dont know how to adjust it. will try later. :P

and throughout the hols, a 7 years-old kid read al-quran every day, never miss it. and in fact crying when his sister took his quran. hohoh. thats lil kiddo. how bout us? the so called adults?? have you read your quran today?

well, thats how i end my raya. now, this house is empty. no kids anymore. huhu.*alert* this entry is not to show off or what. plus, they are not my own children. ambil yang jernih, buang yang keruh. take the good things for the benefit of the future generation because I love our country as much as you do.

lastly, selamat hari raya, readers! sorry for everything. may Allah bless u. kullu a'min wa antum bi khair. semoga berada dalam kebaikan sepanjang tahum, Taqaballahu Minna wa Minkum. may Allah accepts deeds from us and you.

wallhu'alam

8th Syawal 1432H

Sunday, September 4, 2011

refleksi ramadhan'11 : 10 malam terakhir

salam wbt.

*warning! post ini aku tulih pada ramadhan terakhir, namun, belum berkesempatan untuk 'publish'. maaf sangat2.*

jujur saya katakan, kali ini memang benar-benar sibuk. serius! tak tipu!.*dengan muka serius*  dan post kalini pon saya buat dengan keadaan tergesa-gesa. asif jiddan andai ada bahasa yang kurang enak, tak kena, bahasa pasar, bahasa campur dsb, saya taip ikut kemampuan. harap dapat dimanfaatkan semua.

ye, saya tahu ramadhan masih belum berakhir, jika mengikut pengiraan esok sudah 1 syawal. which means another 4+ more hours to go. but i dont know when i will write about ramadhan after this.

jauh di sudut hati saya katakan ramadhan kali ini saya sedih dan sayu. kalau sejak dahulu saya asyik katakan perasaan itu, tapi tahun ini, lebih berbeza. perasaan itu disusuli dengan air mata. 10 malam terakhir. malam-malam yang kini saya rasa agak kesal apabila diimbas kembali TETAPI dalam kesesalan itu saya menemui sinar.

kesesalan 10 malam terakhir


1. susah bangun untuk sahur- apatah lagi hendak berqiam. kenapa? hampir setiap hari 3-4 jam tidur itu adalah biasa.ditambah pula dengan kerja berat di sebelah petangnya.

2. solat kurang khyusuk sejak ditugaskan untuk menjaga anak sedara kerana ibunya belum pulang ke kampung, perasaan risau sering datang menerjah,*kot la jatuh ke, luka ke, ibu mana tak risau?*  itu baru anak orang lain, kalau anak sendiri. T_T

3. helaian bacaan quran makin berkurang, dan hampir sempat membaca hanya satu muka surat sehari  -_-'' apabila mula membuka alkitab, mata mula layu, atau ada yang memanggil untuk bekerja, atau ada panggilan telefon yang perlu dijawab.

4. solat dhuha yang semakin jarang terlaksana- waktu pagi, memang high peak, kerja tak cukup tangan orang kata, kaki pon tak cukup nak jalan, time tuh jugak la kena pergi sana ke mari

5. solat terawih senang lalai- mana tak nye badan letih, lebam-lebam, konflik skit, kerja lak bukan setakat kerja perempuan yang kat dapur tuh, tapi campur-campur semua sekali, *but still cannot beat mum who can do everything, more than what i have done*

 sinar kehidupan dengan kehadiran si permata hati.. :)
source: kakak

namun, aku bertemu sinar disebalik awan mendung.

sinar 10 malam terakhir.

1. . mula menghargai masa-masa yang ada- walau waktu subuh sudah hampir masuk, aku tetap jua solat sunat mana-mana yang sempat kerana aku mengerti bahawa Dia melihat usaha bukan semata-mata hasil, ada hadis juga menyebut, mahfumnya:

Dari Anas dari Nabi s.a.w. sabdanya: "jikalau seseorang dari kamu semua mengantuk sewaktu mengerjakan solat, maka baiklah tidur dahulu, sehingga ia mengetahui apa yang dibaca olehnya"

*ini memang kes-kes ngantuk tahap karma. :P

2. belajar menjadi seorang ibu. hahhaha. ok. serius2, betul. jangan gelak kay. alkisahnya begini, aku ditugaskan (not really ditugaskan, i just felt it is my responsibility) untuk menjaga anak sedara kerana ibunya belum pulang ke kampung. hurm, anak sedaraku itu tidaklah kecik mana, seorang 7 tahun, seorang lagi 5 tahun, but amazingly both can read Quran Karim, they have finish iqra kay.dan kerja aku agak senang la jugak. tak de la susah mana. *menyedapkan hati. hehe* tp seriusly not that difficult. ada la ketikanya solat kurang khusyuk, solat cepat, etc2 tapi memikirkan mereka adalah the future generation, future leaders, mereka adalah pelaburan paling untung di dunia ni tau. eventhough they are not my own children, but remember we can contribute to it. who knows, only Him.

3. kerja, kerja, kerja, kerja, kerja, walau helaian bacaan quranku makin kurang, solat dhuha yang jarang dilaksanakan, akan tetap ku usaha untuk membacanya. :) sinarya ku temui kerja itu juga ibadah. sering kali kter berfikir seorang abid itu hanya menumpukan pada ibadah yang khusus, namun, ,realitinya, kerja itu juga adalah ibadah. silapnya aku pabilla sering mengasingkan istilah ibadah itu yang sebenanrya. selagi kerana Illah, selagi tidak melanggar syarak, selagi itulah ganjaran akan diterima, bukan semata-mata ibadah khusus seperti solat, zakat, dan puasa.kita tak pernah tahu apakah sebenarnya amalan yang mungkin menjadi bekalan kita di akhirat kelak. mungkin inilah amalan nya.wallhu'alam.hanya Dia Yang Maha Mengetahui.

"melayan kakakmu juga boleh dijadikan amalan. hehe" kata kakaku yang masih bujang itu. ngeh. :P

4. Dari Abu Hurairah ra,  Nabi s.a.w. bersabda: " Barang siapa yang melepaskan satu kesusahan seorang mukmin, pasti Allah akan melepaskan darinya satu kesusahan pada hari kiamat. Barang siapa yang menjadikan mudah urusan orang lain, pasti Allah kaan memudahkannya di dunia dan akhirat. Barang siapa yang menutupi aib seorang muslim, pasti Allah akan menutupi aibnya di dunia dan di akhirat. Allah sentiasa menolong hambaNya selama hambaNya itu suka menolong saudaranya. (HR Muslim, Kumpulan Hadis Arba'in An Nawawi hadith ke 36)


when i remember this, it makes me stunt, biarla lebam2 satu badan, mata kuyu, demam, kerana aku percaya pada kata-kataNya walau tak nmpk balasannya sekarang, tapi aku yakin dan percaya akan tiba saat itu, waktu itu di mana pertolongan Dia akan tiba. :)

cukuplah dengan 4 sinar ini mampu menebus kekesalan itu. dengan ini, aku katakan ramadhan tahun ini adalah satu madrsah tarbiyyah yang paling unik sepanjang nafas dikandung badan. dan semoga dengan kekuatan dan kudrat yang masih berbaki, aku mampu meneruskan perjuangan ini dengan lebih kental, melawan hawa nafsu, syaitan yang direjam, untuk 11 bulan yang bakal mendatang.amin.

29 Ramadhan 1432H

p.s menulis post kali ini di kala waktu senggang dan hanya berjaya untuk publish pada hari ini, 6 Syawal 1432H

p.s.s andai masih ada masa yang berbaki sebelum meneruskan jihad, akan ku tulis mengenai raya. dan 20 skema jawapan itu. T_T

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

how to become a good and successful medical student.

assalamualaikum wbt.

i have just finish my-so-called uzlah. hehe. and surprisingly, i found the answers to most of the questions below. seriously. no joke. hurm, but i dont think i have enough time on that. nanti kita buat skema jawapan tuh sama-sama ek. but not now. i want to share something more important before i go away. again?! yes, again, i have to. i have to go away. sorry, readers. i wish to be at home, helping mum with the wedding preparation, (not my wedding kay, geez) accompany mum going shopping, being her sound box, (mum knows what is it hehe), blogging, sharing all the wonderful experiences, reminding on the school ramadhan, etc2, lot of things i want to do. but again, Allah knows best. n it is happens for a reason. i'm just happy on what happen. yeah, it is sad sometime but we always neglect many good things happen cause we focus too much on the sad things. ok, ayat terabur. hehe.

hurm, another thing that i realize, this blog become my sound box, geez, i dont know since when i make this blog more like a diary.. please, dont think it is a diary.. my intention of having a blog is because i want to share what i get, what i experience, what i learn, what i have, what i think, what i read, so that in the end we will be together in jannah, amin, insyaAllah. i didnt ask for sympahty, or empathy, or anything, i just hope you will get the message, the lessons and imply it in your life, and lastly become closer to HIM, the Almighty. have you heard this quotation?

knowledge is the power but the real power is the application of the knowledge, and the most true power is knowledge that can make us close to Allah. 
"umur saya 2 tahun =) ".semoga menjadi anak solehah * nk selit skit pasal parenting  =) * didiklah anak sejak kecil, kerana sesungguhnya setelah meninggal, terputuslah amalan anak adam kecuali amal  soleh, ilmu yang berguna dan anak yang soleh/hah.
i guess too much mumbling, hehe. lets straight to the topic. hurm, to tell the truth i met Dr, Muhaya Mohamad, dont know who she is? click here. and here is some of her tips on becoming a good and successful medical students.

1.      Have I made the correct decision?

¨ Yes, you have. Being in the medical field, is one of the best field to give service to mankind. The person most loved by god is the person most beneficial. Being in the medical field, we are always useful in whatever situation. A doctor does not need an office, an organization to serve. A doctor is useful anytime, anywhere and to anybody. If you are one person whose life purpose is to serve others, then you have definitely made the correct decision.

2.     Can I be a doctor one day?
¨ 
Sure you can! It all depends on your intention. A good intention will give good results. If your intention is to serve others, then you have all the power of god almighty, to achieve your ambitions. Whenever we do something with the intention to serve rather than thinking of what’s in it for us, you can be sure that god’s help and blessing will be with you all along. Once God’s help is with you, you will attract people, circumstances and situations that will help you to become a doctor. This may come in the form of doing well in your exams, getting the scholarship and the place in the university as well as passing all exams easily. It will cost you to have inspired actions, which will results in phenomenal success in whatever you do. Have full faith that with God, everything is possible.

3.      What are the important traits to become a doctor?

¨ The most important thinking is a very positive mental attitude. One of the most important assets is that they must have a lot of compassion where a doctor has to put others before himself and always wanting things for others more than himself.


most of the tips above are from her book. she wrote a book entitle how to become a good and successful medical student. i advise you guys to have one. (esp for medical students) ouh, and one more thing, sorry the tips above are quite bias to medical students. well, it is meant to be for medical students. for other courses, no offense.

another useful reminder from her.

remove your apa-orang -kata cap! as long as you know you are doing something right. 


we always have the mindset, nanti apa orang kata kalau kita buat camni,,, or orang kata tak yah buat or... etc2. the words we-always-have, might not apply to all. well, maybe not you. maybe other person think that way, n i have to admit, sometimes i do have that kind of thinking. in order to boost your motivation, or to become a successful person,  we have to remove that cap. huhu.

i think thats all for now.cant wait to share the answers to the 20-questions luar alam. hehe.


ps. happy ramadhan, people!! the school of tarbiyyah is coming!! may Allah bless us all. =3

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

randomness + pergi + uzlah +kampong + etc2.

salam wbt.

ini post terakhir sebelum aku pergi. pergi mana? huh? teka2?? haha *evil* aku bakal pergi menyendiri. pergi mencari nilai erti kehidupan ini. pergi mencari erti perjuangan. pergi mencari siapa kah diri ini? pergi .........

ini bukan diari ye adik, kakak, abang,uncle, auntie, mak cik, pak cik,... ini persoalan buat renungan kita semua. *random question* andai fend dalam novel contengan jalanan mampu mengeluarkan soalan luar silibus, aku pon boleh jugak pe. hehe.

1. siapa kamu? siapa aku? siapa dia?
2. apa tujuan hidup kamu? apa tujuan hidup aku? apa tujuan hidup dia?
3. kenapa kamu pilih perjuangan ini? jalan ini?
4. apa itu perjuangan?
5. kenapa kamu begitu? kenapa aku berperangai begitu?
6. ke mana harus aku tuju?
7. bila aku akan pergi buat selama-lamanya?
8. siapa Dia? siapa dia?
9. apakah pengakhiran hidup aku?
10. kenapa perlu pergi BERSIH?nak pergi ke?  *ok. ini memang random tahap karma*

11.city hunter dan malaysia. ada kaitan kah? *getting more random*
12. before marriage relationship. apakah maksud itu sebenarnya?
13. gossip = ngumpat? betul ke? apa definisi gossip? apa definisi ngumpat?
14. negara bakal dijajah? adakah akan terjadi?
15. benarkah mentaliti orang Malaysia harus diubah demi masa hadapan negara yang cerah?
16. untuk apa aku belajar?
17. siapakah tuhan kamu?
18. apa itu tarbiyyah?
19. mahu makan apa dan untuk apa aku makan? makan untuk hidup atau hidup untuk makan?
20. bila nak kahwin?*gatal* perlu kahwin dengan orang yang sama jemaah ke? jemaah? apa itu?

cukup setakat ini. mampu atau tidak untuk menjawab soalan ini? fikir-fikirkan dan selamat beramal. ^_^

p.s nanti kita buat skema jawapan sama-sama ye.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

happens for a reason

assalamualaikum wbt.


lately, i have been thinking about my past, who i was, what i have been doing, all those sad memories, if you said, it is muhasabah, hurm, maybe yes, but you know what, it is useless if you do nothing, being sad, regretful, in sorrow,dwell in sadness etc2, what matter is what you are doing right now, at this moment, you cannot turn back time. You can change the future by react now. 

 "It may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn't make who you are.It is  the rest of your story, who you choose to be, so, who are you? "
"Nothing is unstoppable except for me when i'm stopping you from telling me something is unstoppable"
"You got to let got of the stuff from past, because it just doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now."
"remember, when you follow the noble path, anything is possible" 
-kungfu panda 2- 



this is another story, a very wonderful story, and i love it sooo much. enjoy! 

Imam Ahmad radi Allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him) once was traveling and needed to stay somewhere overnight. When he went to the masjid, the guard (not recognizing Imam Ahmad) denied him entrance. Imam Ahmad (ra) tried numerous times, but the guard did not accept his requests. Frustrated, Imam Ahmad (ra) resolved to spend the night in the masjid yard. The guard became furious and dragged him away, despite the old age and frailty of Imam Ahmad (ra).

A baker, whose shop was nearby, watched this scene and took pity on Imam Ahmad (ra), also not knowing who he was. The Baker thought of the man who needed a place to stay as a simple traveler without lodging. He invited the Imam to stay with him for the night. While there, Imam Ahmad noticed that the baker continually made istighfar (asking for Allah’s forgiveness) while working, and in the morning, the Imam eagerly asked his host about the latter’s continual seeking of forgiveness. The Baker said it had become second nature to him, and Imam Ahmad (ra) then asked whether the man had experienced any reward from this practice.
The Baker answered, “By Allah! No dua`a’ I made except that it was answered but one.” “And what is that dua`a’?” asked Imam Ahmed. “To be able to see the famed Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal!”
Imam Ahmad (ra) interjected, “I am Ahmad ibn Hanbal!” He then went on to add, “By Allah! I was dragged to your place so that you can have your dua`a’ (prayer) come true.”2
someone who was sincere in their relationship with Allah (swt), and so Allah (swt) blessed them with acceptance and the answering of their passing wishes and dua`a’.
Days later, she continued to contemplate her encounter. Subhan’Allah, she kept thinking, everything for a reason. Sometimes, “bad” things happen to “good” people. But sometimes, those “bad” things are truly only outward moments of difficulty in comparison to the good Allah (swt) has in store and is preparing for that person to experience, when the time and moment are right.
As Ibn al-Qayyom rahimahu Allah (may Allah have mercy on him) said, "when Allah tests you, it is never to destroy you. Whenever HE removes something from your possession, it is only to empty your hands for an even better gift"

source of the story: happens for a reason, happens for the best





whatever happens, it happens for a reason. ^_^


p.s. special thanks to mami, papa, sisters, brothers and fellow friends. May Allah repay your good deeds. Jazakallahukhair, and now is my turn to change!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

words of wisdom

Assalamualaikum wbt.

 saifulislam ada diari si budak gemuk, aku pula ada diari si budak kurus. Ini kisah si budak kurus. Bukan diari kisah harian, bukan juga journal hidup, namun, ini adalah kata-kata hati seorang si budak kurus. Andai tidak berminat, tidak mengapa, hanya sekadar satu lakaran.

Alkisah bermula.

Hujan, seolah-olah awan turut sama menangis. Air mata yang turun bukan air mata penyesalan, bukan juga air mata kegembiraan, tetapi air mata peritnya derita. Jika dahulu, jarak memisahkan dan penuh dengan rahsia. Namun kini, tiada lagi rahsia, tiada lagi benteng pemisah. Air mata akhirnya jatuh lagi ke bumi buat kali kedua bersaksikan dua insan yang paling dicintai.

“we love u, not based on how u perform, how well u do, but we love u based on taqwa, anak solehah”

“ada 3 sebab kenapa sesuatu itu terjadi: bala, pengajaran atau ujian, tapi walau apapun yang terjadi, kita taubat, kot2 dosa-dosa yang kita pernah buat menjadi punca”

“ingat kisah nabi, macam-macam kena uji, hampir dibunuh, dipulaukan, etc2, dan Allah boleh je kata ‘kun fayakun’ dan semua orang ikut perintahNya dan rasul, semua orang akan beriman, tp Allah tak buat begitu, tahu kenapa? Kerana kita akan menjadi a better person, a stronger person, selepas diuji.”

" apa yg Dia uji, Dia tahu hambaNya boleh pikul" 

“It is normal to react that way. Nabi dulu pon menangis, masa Khadijah meninggal, sedih, sampaikan teringat-ingat  walaupun sudah berkahwin dengan Aisyah. Sehingga Aisyah kata, aku lebih muda, lebih cantik, kenapa masih teringat Khadijah. Kerana nabi pun manusia. Kita boleh sedih, but not more than 3 days, dan jangan sampai kehidupan hairan terganggu. That’s how Islam teach us”

“sifat orang yang berjihad ke jalanNya: taqwa, zikir, jangan sombong dengan Allah, minta padaNYa…… and u’re on jihad, it is part of jihad”

“ok, my GIRL”

-papa-


"bukankah kami telah melapangkan dadamu, dan kami pun telah menurunkan bebanmu darimu, yang memberatkan punggungmu, dan kami tinggalkan sebutan namamu bagimu, maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan, sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan, maka apabila engkau telah selesai dari suatu urusan, tetaplah berkerja keras untuk ursan yang lain dan hanya kepada TuhanMulah kamu berharap" al-insyirah, 94;1-8

"dan mohonlah pertolongan daripada Allah dengan SABAR dan SOLAT, dan solat itu sungguh berat , kecuali bagi orang-orang yang khusyuk, iaitu mereka yang yakin bahawa mereka akan menemui TuhanNya dan bahwa mereka akan kembali kepadaNya: al-baqarah; 2;45-46



nadal & bulat, rest in peace.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

hambaMu


salam all!!

i'm currently FALL in LOVE with this song, seriously. well, it is CATCHY but has DEEP MEANING. and relate to my current situation. 


 HAMBAMU

Ke arah SATU PERJALANAN
Dalam sebuah kehidupan
Demi untuk mengecapi
Hasrat murni di dalam hati

USAHA DENGAN DOA
Masanya akan tiba
Dengan RESTU IILAHI
Kelak pasti akan ditemui

SULUHKAN CAHAYA di hati terang (ALLAH)
TUNJUKKAN JALAN seandainya hilang (ALLAH)
Tegakkan perjalanan yang bakal ditempuh
TEGAKKAN SEMANGAT bila runtuh
Setibanya di sisiMu KU BERSERAH
Terimalahku hambaMu Allah

Sekiranya TAKDIR MENGUJI
CEKALKANLAH HASRAT di hati
Semoga kesusahan bisa
Mengajar ERTI TERUS ASA


23rd June: the expected date for our results to be released. hurm. just a rumor, to what extend it is true, nobody knows, just wait and see.well, as one of the verse, "KU BERSERAH" and "TERUS ASA"
yup, keep on believe in HIM, easy to say but difficult to do, well, never give up trying. cause we never know which of the good deeds we have done will help us from the hell fire. huhu.


again, it is a reminder. easy to pour everything out in my mind to this blog, but in REAL LIFE, only HE knows how struggle i am. so, never judge people. if you think you know somebody, he/she might not be the same person who u think u know. human is complex creature.just a piece of reminder. :)


may Allah bless u all.

Friday, June 10, 2011

"bila jumpa senior, jgn lupa beri salam, sekali dngn nama ye"

assalamualaikum wbt,

tetiba merindui bahasa ibunda. apatah lagi bila tengok tennis french open final antara nadal dan federer. lagi rasa bangga dengan bahasa sendiri. apa kena mengena tennis dengan bahasa? alkisahnya, masa majlis penutup pertandingan tersebut, pemenangnya iaitu rafael nadal (seorang berbangsa sepanyol) berucap dalam bahasa sepanyol dan diterjemah ke dalam bahasa perancis. tiada langsung diterjemah ke dalam bahasa inggeris. aku yang menonton pon tergapai. sabar je la oh ya, naib johannya pon sama, roger federer (bangsa swiss) berbahasa perancis (salah satu bahasa komunikasi mereka di sana).hurm, jauh sekali aku menolak penggunaan bahasa inggeris, cuma kadang-kadang terkilan, bahasa melayu dipinggirkan. kalau baca berita ni, lagi rasa terkilan.
http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/Englishshouldbetaughtexclusively_DPM/Article/art_print

haish, lari topik dah ni. ok. jom, kembali pada jalan yang benar!! yosh!!

seperti yang tertera. tajuk hari ini, "bila jumpa senior, jgn lupa beri salam, sekali dngn nama ye"

hurm,tidak ku pasti di sekolah asrama lain bagaimana. namun, itulah situasi di sekolah yang ku puja selama ni. huhu, dari zaman muda remaja kepadalah menjadi kakak paling tua, itulah yang sering didengari. bila muda, si kakak berkata, (bahasa pasar ye)

"korang kalau jumpa senior, jgn lupe beri salam, sekali dngn nama penuh senior tuh skalik ye"
"eyh, awak, form 1 kan, asal tak beri salam?"
"ingat nama senior-senior tak, ni? sekali dngn nama ayah sekali ye"
............seniority (google translate kata dalam bahasa melayu kekananan. cam pelik je)


bila dah tua, itulah yang diulangnya. tapi pelik kan, 5 tahun menjadi budaya hidup di sekolah, namun, apa yang diamalkan tu tak pernah lekat apabila sudah dewasa. tak pernah diamalkan di luar sekolah. hanya di sekolah. itu pun belum tentu dengan kerelaan. ntah-ntah jauh di hati penuh dengan sumpah seranah.tuhan je yang tahu,

itu kisah dahulu. ini kisah sekarang.

di bumi, yang majoritinya beragama Kristian, suasananya berbeza sekali. peluang hendak memberi salam kepada orang jalanan amat sukar sekali. almaklum kiri dan kanan, depan dan belakang, semuanya orang bukan Islam. namun, beberapa kali hal ini terjadi

situasi 1
di depan perpustakaan, bertembung dengan seorang wanita Pakistan. beliau memberi sekuntum senyuman lalu  memberi salam dan terus berlalu pergi. hanya ucapan salam yang terungkap.

di sini: "hi" dan berhenti ketika untuk bergosip. "terbaik"

situasi 2
di tengah pekan yang penuh dengan manusia. "assalamualaikum" kedengaran suara lelaki memberi salam. melayukah?? lalu ku pusing. lelaki berkulit hitam hanya memandang dan berlalu pergi. aku yang terpinga.

di sini: lelaki di jalanan takala melihat gadis melayu melintas, "assalamualaikum, tak jawab dosa" atau "assalamualakum, tak jawab dosa, jawab sayang" atau "assalamualaikum tak jawab dosa, jawab gatal" atau......

situasi 3
di surau, sering kali ada yang keluar dan masuk, ada juga yang hanya masuk untuk meletak barang. namun tak pernah lepas di mulut mereka ucapan "asslamualaikum" kepada jemaah yang sudah berada di dalam surau

di sini: harapanlah melihat suasana seorang makmum bertegur sapa dengan makmum yang lain, lebih-lebih lagi kalau tak kenal.. ada tapi jarang sekali.

alangkah indahnya, suasana salam itu menjadi satu kebiasaan dalam hidup.

hadith dari Imran ibn Hussin ra yang berkata telah datang seorang sahabat lelaki kepada nabi salallahualaihiwasalam lalu memberi salam dengan berkata : Assalamualaikum maka di jawab oleh baginda lalu sahabat itu pun duduk dalam majlis baginda maka bersabdalah nabi salalallahualaihiwasalam : “Sepuluh” . Kemudian datanglah lagi sahabat yang lain lalu memberi salam : Assalamualaikum warahmatullah maka dibalas salam tersebut sambil baginda bersabda : “Dua puluh” . Kemudian datanglah lagi sahabat yang lain : Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh lalu dibalas salamnya oleh baginda sambil bersabda : “Tiga puluh iaitu ganjaran pahala sebanyak tiga puluh kali ganda” (hadith sahih riwayat Abu Daud no. 5195 dan Tirmidzi no. 2689).

ustaz hasrizal dalam ceramahnya baru-baru ini yang bertajuk ibrah al-kahfi (klik untuk melihat ceramah beliau)ada menyatakan bahawa untuk berubah bermula dengan langkah pertama iaitu diri sendiri. jom sama-sama kita amalkan!




teddy hospital, terkumpulnya kanak-kanak yang penuh dengan perasaan ingin tahu.walau bukan Muslim, namun mereka  tidak berdosa.- hadir daku di situ sebagai volunteer doctor teddy bear. hehe. dan juga sebagai dai'e

buat adik-adik di sekolah yang akak sayangi, ambillah yang jernih, buang yang keruh, teruskan budaya salam sesungguhnya besar pahalanya. [bahagian hafal nama tuh, ada hikmahnya. ^-^] buatlah dengan rela hati, dan nasihat buat akak-akak senior tuh, untuk mencipta gaya hidup yang sihat, ada caranya. :)

Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w yang maksudnya: “Tiga perkara yang boleh mengeratkan persahabatan dengan saudaramu iaitu memberi salam apabila bertemu dengannya dan menyediakan tempat duduknya dalam sesuatu majlis serta panggilah ia dengan nama yang paling disenanginya.”
Riwayat Al-Tabrani

Monday, May 9, 2011

unexpected meeting 2

salam wbt.
dear all,

hurm, i haven't finish my exam yet. but i can't wait it any longer. my last paper is in 5 days more. so, please, let me do this. please!! [esp to mum, pleeeeaaseeee, mum. dngn muka kesian.-_-''] so, i assume mum allow. the end. teehee. i will try to type it as fast as i could. ok.

as i promise. the story!!! yahuuu. i already give the hint. but i bet you still cannot get it, huh. haha. [gelak evil]. well,at least i know there is at least one person guessing. [my loyal follower a.k.a. sista. haha :P ] whatever. stop mumbling. lets go straight to the story!!

it was started in the library. Indeed, i met my handsome classmate [my girlfriend disagree with this statement huhu] study very hard for the exams n bla bla bla. huh, why do i care. [did i have to mention he is handsome?? hurm, unnecessary]  forget it. nonsense. the best part was i met someone more special. it was almost 10 pm, and there was only me and one guy in the nursing library. i never intend to stay there until it closed. my earlier intention was just to finish the lecture notes. and as time passed by without knowing it, it was already late.

so, i started to pack my stuff. but it was not the end. i though i would be walking alone in the dark street. [not that dark act.. hyperbole! ].then, out of nowhere, like an angel, [still in the library] a muslim women came into the library specifically near to my sit to print something and our conversation start.

she offered to send me home which my current house is like faaarr awaay [35 minutes walk] from her house, or i could say it is out of her way. her husband was waiting in the car with her sisters. hurm, at first i hesitate to accept the offer. it was late night and i didn't want to ruin others family's plan. and i dont know her so well, i just know her origin, her house, she is a muslim and she is not a medic student, so i rarely see her. [since most of our class is at the hospital rather than at uni] the conclusion was i felt a bit awkward.but she insist. hurm. at the end, i accept her offer.

we walked out from the library, chit chat a bit, and here the car. a sports car with two doors and 3 people were inside.  i was like, "OMG!! how i'm going to fit into that" i cant believe we squeeze in. the sisters were friendly. overall, the whole family was awesome. full of advice, talkative, never stop talking though out the journey. and one of her sisters who i have never met before has the same name as mine. did i told u i never introduce myself that night? and the last time i introduce my name to her and her sister was during the first time we met which was ages ago! and surprisingly  both of them can recalled my name perfectly! haish, and i still have problem remembering which one is which one. they look the same but not twin! [one is Asma' and the other is Aisyah] and yes, the husband was good. acting like a good brother.give advice, etc2.

the most touching part.. in front of my house, under moonlight, she hugged me. it wasn't like normal hug. it was full with love, care, i don't know how to describe it. at that time, i never stop to thank HIM [alhamdulillah] for giving me ISLAM, the religion of peace, love. until today i can feel the warmth and i never stop smiling when thinking about that night. it was so wonderful. subhanallah. may Allah repay your deeds. jazakallahukhair.

yes, she is someone special that i told before. my sister. [not biologically sister] if you think it is like sister-sister thingy like at all-girls-school, then you are wrong. it is more than that. it is different. the feeling is totally different.why i say so?  first, she is not Malaysian but she is Muslim. 2nd, we rarely know each other but we helps each other for the sake of HIM, the Almighty. 3rd, Islam brings us together, being optimism.


Hadith # 13On the authority of Anas bin Malik, the servant of the messenger of Allah, that the prophet said :None of you will truly believe until you love for your brother what you love for  yourself”. (Al-Bukhari) 
source


moral of the story we never know what kind of helps He will give us. maybe through somebody, maybe through your mind, etc2. just continue doing good deeds for His sake. insyaAllah He will repay you with something you will never expect.

i think thats all for now. lots in mind act. but not now.enough for today. have to continue the jihad! one more paper to go insyaAllah.

ps next will be about marriage since many people are getting married this summer. heheh. *gatal* or maybe about His Sake. or maybe about etc2... the idea is only from Him.

pss nabilah farhana, yup, the picture in previous post is soo cute, i like his arts. this is the link to his gallery, lots of beautiful pic and msg too.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

unexpected meeting

salam wbt.
dear all,

i could not stop smiling. and yes, i'm happy. i'm not going to write about it today since i have exams coming soon.
just a hint maybe. hehe. in general, i went to library and stay there until it closed, around 10 pm. you might think i'm crazy, but sunset was at 9pm kay, [but, i think i;m crazy, never done this before -_-''] whatever, the best part is........ something exciting happen, yuhuuu.

it is not about exams, not about result. since i wrote 'unexpected meeting', you might think i met hot handsome guy.,- hurm, yup, a handsome irish guy asked me about a sit at the library, but, naaahh it is nothing and still not enough to make me THESE happy. heheh.
or you might think i met my crush, hahaha. that sound weird, i met my classmate - Jacob-chineese-look guy.but he is not my crush..gee. do i have one?? teehee. keep on guessing. but i'm NOT going to tell you today. [macam la ada org nk guess. sabo je la]

this is the hint.
source
to be continued.........[maybe maybe] :P

ps yosh! lets break both legs!! preparation is still ongoing, mum. do pray for me. :)
pss next exam paper: renal, friday. may Allah guides us, amin.

Monday, April 25, 2011

people change

"dan barang siapa berHIJRAH di jalan Allah, nescaya mereka akan mendapatkan di bumi ini tempat hijrah yang luas dan (REZEKI) yang banyak. Barang siapa keluar dari rumahnya dengan maksud berhijrah KERANA ALLAH dan RASULNya, kemudian KEMATIAN menimpanya (sebelum ke tempat yang dituju), maka sungguh PAHALAnya telah ditetapkan di sisi Allah. Dan Allah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang"
An-nisaa [4;100]

source
people change to be a better person. so do I. May He, The Almighty guide us. amin.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

m3taphor

congratulations! you have successfully navigated the treacherous guile laid out by beast of BURDEN. Yet, it has suddenly become clear that these DRAGONS were NOT as deceitful as once believed. They just needed a bit of taming to calm their sawage ways. Now that they are no longer spreading doom across the land, retrace your steps through the village, but with NEW tiles that the dragons have blown across you path. This time, there is no need to restore peace to your land, only to your INNER SELF.
- mahjong quest

p.s read between lines.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

random

salam

dear all,
long time no see!! [typical, it seems my tagline lately].what to do. busy, kay exams2 etc2.. excuses!! tehee. anyway, just random thoughts. enjoy!! =3


it is funny, but makes sense.

things that we have to remember.
READ.UNDERSTAND.DIGEST.

wallahu'alam.

Friday, February 25, 2011

inferior


salam.

again,nothing much in this post. if you dont want to read, dont.
(gambar sekadar hiasan) credit
well, this time i'm talking about myself (which is sooo unsual). but i want to.

first, have you experience failure?? (yes, i'm going to talk about fail AGAIN) sorry about that. but it is so important. because thats why there is a book entittled "dare to fail". teehee.

as a matter of fact. it is depends on how people see things. some people see it as positive stuff. n some people see it as the-end-of-the-world.hurm. n i see it in both way. hahah.

to tell the truth. i have gone through different types of failure. i failed in my english n history paper, but i got excellent for my add maths n maths. i failed in relationship but i still can make some girlfriends. i failed as a senior but i do have adik angkat (hurm, dont misunderstood, this is refer to girls and i'm still straight, kay).i failed in pujuk memujuk but i still care about that person. i failed as a good friend but i still love them. n the list go on. the fact is although you fail in doing one thing there must be something that you are good at. thats the nature of human being.

but NOW (since past 2 weeks) , i cant figure out what i'm good at. i just feel useless. i keep on failing, start from my student life till my personal life. i fail everything!!
i fail in my study, i fail in understand things in lecture, i fail to concentrate, i fail to have courage to change, i fail to talk to my friends my own feelings, i fail to tell the world how depress i am, i fail in telling the truth that i'm NOT OK,i fail in telling my stand, i fail to care my roommate's feeling, i fail in EVERYTHING.

that cause me to feel INFERIOR. cause i cant do anything n make me feel useless. <--- this is my first time feeling like this. n i hate it soooo much. but what can i do??

yes, i feel inferior.

i saw my friends getting first class honor,
i saw my friends talking confidently
i saw my friends begin to stand up again
( i feel happy for them, but why i can't be as good as them??)

but i'm still here. at the same spot. although i have lots of friends, family and seniors to support.

i keep on saying "WAKE UP" n i keep on "CRYING" and being so pity.
but it doesn't change. why?? why it is soooo hard to stand up again?? why??
i keep on praying things will change, something good will happen.but i don't know when.


dear jah,

do have FAITH in Him,
sesungguhnya selepas kesusahan ada kesenangan.
Allah maha Penyayang, DIa tidak akan membebani hambaNYa lebih dprp apa yang dia boleh pikul. please hold on to that belief.
be patient, dear. His helps will come. sooner or later. He knows what is the best for you.
hold on. keep on praying. never lose hope. do have confidence in Allah's help.

mami




T_T
( i'm not asking for symphaty, but i'm asking for prayer)



Saturday, February 12, 2011

depression

salam, all

this is what i did yesterday. well, one way to calm myself other than reading Quran and praying.
DEPRESSION ASSESSMENT!
the result is:................................

in case you can't read it. let me type here.

TOTAL NUMBER OF SYMPTOMS IDENTIFIED IS: 7

YOU HAVE REPORTED EXPERIENCING SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS CONSISTENT WITH WHAT CLINICIANS REFER TO AS "CLINICAL DEPRESSION".. ETC2. ( the rest is not that important)

i bet that happen yesterday, not applicable for today. since i have start go to library and study. huh. have i recovered?? maybe.

so after i did the test, i search for quick tips to overcome it



1. taking the first step to controlling your depression
2. you can move your mood
3. actions speak louder than words(1)
4. action speaks louder than words (2)
5. focus on the positive
6. redefine your problem
7. don't go blaming yourself
8. relax away your sorrows
9. using you imagination
10. get physical
11. open up and share your feelings

thats is the quick tips in case you have the same problem as i do. well, lets see what i have done.

1. taking the first step to controlling your depression
- i still go to class and do my routine, take a bath, go to class, eat, pray, sleep, etc2. and not overacting.i live like a normal person. except not being myself<----- this is another story. to conclude, i did control my depression (sometimes, i guess. huhu)

2. you can move your mood
- hurm, yeah, i think i have done this. i have been laughing out loud in class, i act normal. except under my duvet. my mood?? study mood, huh? hurm, just move a little. knowing the fact that i have exam this wed!!!

3. actions speak louder than words(1)
-totally true. i keep on saying, "yeah, i will do better, i wouldn't give up, bla bla" but it means nothing if your actions is still the same. lazy, moody, loner, cry under duvet at night, etc2 you have to do something!

4. action speaks louder than words (2)- talk already.

5. focus on the positive
- well, i receive an sms from my senior, keep on telling me to think positive,n my sis too.
from my sis,
"its just normal to feel that way
and its just normal for somebody like me (your sister AND medical student) to try and give you some motivation
i guess that will make you realize, you are indeed LEMAH
u need Him to gather youself back seriously
menangislah, berdoalah, mengaku je yang kite ni hambaNya
and semoga Allah SWT bantu kite di sepanjang perjalanan nanti regardless of the tests that He had prepared for us"
hurm. i will try, sis

6. redefine your problem
- i think i have not done this yet. will do. what is my main problem?? myself. my feelings, my action, everything is not right. but it is start with my own brain. so, that is my main problem.

7. don't go blaming yourself
- hahaha. will try.

8. relax away your sorrows
- relax?? i think i have done this. i have been sleeping 10 hours for three consecutive days with tears. hahaha.is it sleeping = relaxing?? hurm, praying is more likely equal to relaxing.

9. using you imagination
- a friend told me to imagine success............trying............

10. get physical
- i used to love jogging back in my country. but not anymore. to busy la. insyaAllah will do. planning to do that tomorrow n lets see the results. huhu

11. open up and share your feelings
- hohoh. this is the hardest part of all. especially when you are not married, your girlfriends are over the sea and in different continent, your family are at a faraway land. and you are a person who are not easily open up your feelings to strangers.and also the fact that i have disable friends post on my wall in fb shows i really didn't want to be disturb. plus, i haven't reply messages and pick up phone.
to tell the truth, i did told my girlfriend who is over the sea, n a senior who is close to me and just now ( few hours ago) i told my sister who is at the other side of the world.

ok. i think i want to add this list.

12. read Quran and back to Him- this is a MUST

From my sis,
you never know how you will perform.
so now you know the results already
so there must be something that can be done to improve inshaAllah
mesti j** ingat kan ayat yang Allah kate, Allah tidak akan ubah nasib sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka ubah apa yang ADA DALAM diri mereka
this is the exact meaning of the ayah
"apa yang ADA DALAM diri mereka" including your faith, your belief, your kebergantungan to Him, your usaha that come from it
believe me, the fact that you are there in g*****
you are there with **** scholar
you can do it, inshaALlah
in a nutshell, i have done almost all, so have i recovered?
tepuk dada, tanya iman.

today, i have go through again all the sms and offline msg that i got from my family and friends.

"ap2 pun don't give up"

"be STRONG
be YOURSELF
vanquish the DOWNCAST feeling
vanquish the NEGATIVE thinking

i am always here for you.

and remember that ALLAH never leaves you.

p/s:saya sayang awak."

"When you carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows
Allah knows

i know it is hard to do something yg u x minat. but if u already in that path, try hard to succeed in it. mmg berat but try and ask for Allah's help. u need to develop the minat n ikhlaskan hati k. insyallah boleh! :)

n another part of the lyrics:
You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows
Allah knows

hidup mmg mcm 2. ad turun naik. so be strong k friends. jgn putus asa. stay strong. i'll b with u guys.
if ad problems just tell me k. i may help u.:)"

"bnykkan berehat, tenangkan minda dan ambillah iktibar.perjalan yang berliku ini tetap harus kita tempuhi, siap sedia utk meneruksan perjuagan, refresh your mind get ready to show your true self, yg kuat lagi semangat, n show others what u r capable of, show to Him that u deserve this fate to be great doc in the future, klu dah ditetapkan anda menjadi doc, maka macam mane skali pon duri dan onak yag ditempuhi, insyaAllah akan jadi doc jugak. so get set n strive for the start, work as hard as u can n pray as hard as u can, coz u re granted with this oppurtunity, jgn sia2kan dan truskan usaha, i truely believ u can do it. seriusly. go n start right now!! do the best u can be!! believed! percayalah pada kemampuan diri! never ever think about quitting k.bangkit semula dan tunjuk kemampuan anda yang sebenar. kerana anda sangat2 mampu, set matlamat baru dan bayankan senyuman kejayaan pd masa depan kelak. remember, i will always pray for u n be there through pain n hardship. always."

"take ur time, rehatkan otak for a while, cari momentum balik, klu rasa stress sngt, try gi salthill then jerit kuat2 kat sane, bg lepas ape yg ad dlm hati, mmg ideally kte kne sabar n tabah with whatever yg dah jadi, tp Allah tau kte manusia mmg lemah n sometime ujian tu Allah bg sbb Allah saje nk dngr kte doa, mohon, bergantung harap kt Dia, klu rajin, try bngn solat hajat, mohon kekuatan from Him, sbb x kire apa sume pon dtg dari Allah kan, even our laughter n cries sume dr Allah"

thanks everyone! but i need more time for myself. thanks for being so understanding.

p.s. interesting fact: i stayed at the library from morning till maghrib.