Sunday, February 28, 2016

Mujahadah itu sukar



Baru sahaja berikrar untuk bermujahadah (refer to previous post), Allah terus menguji. Diuji dengan perasaan, diuji dengan relationship, diuji dengan istiqamah etc Allahu, benarlah syurga tuhan itu mahal. Papa selalu pesan, Allah kata, ingat syurga Aku itu murah, huh? *tampar diri sendiri*

Baru 2 hari, beratnya hati dan diri diuji. hurm.

Alhamdulillah semalam sempat bermujahadah ke padang, menunaikan hak badan yang tertangguh berbulan lamanya. Namun, ujian itu datang bertubi-tubi. Hurm


Mami pernah berpesan, tengok pada perkara yang Allah bagi. Ya, ujian itu datang, tapi Allah itu Maha Penyayang.

Ada benarnya, malam itu, ada orang berkongsi ayat. Surah Al-Ahqah, ayat 13-14, berkaitan ciri-ciri penghuni syurga. Dia mengaku tiada tuhan melain Allah, Allah itu Rabbnya, tidak risau dengan apa yang akan berlaku dan tidak sedih dengan apa yang telah berlaku. dan dia taat pada kedua ibu-bapanya.




Allahu.

Peringatan buat diri.

Walau apapun yang berlaku, kembali kepada tuhan.

Jangan bersedih hati, jangan terlalu risau.

Ada benda yang luar dari kawalan.

Ada benda yang telah berlaku.

Letakkan kepercayaan kepada Dia, Yang Maha Esa.

Dia, yang memegang hati manusia.

Buat apa yang patut anda lakukan.




Apabila seorang pemuda bertanya kepada Imam Hasan Al-Basri :

"Aku telah banyak melakukan maksiat,mengapa aku tidak dihukum oleh Allah?" Lantas Imam Hassan Al Basri bertanya kembali kepada pemuda itu..

"Apakah setiap malam kamu bangun tahajud?"

"Tidak." ujar pemuda itu.

"Itulah hukuman kamu yang seberat-beratnya.Tiada hukuman yang lebih perit jika Allah telah berpaling darimu. Dia tidak lagi mahu "berbicara" dan "mendengar bicara " darimu, dibiarkan lena itu panjang padamu..

"Cukuplah Allah swt menarik nikmat dan kelazatan tahajud dalam dirimu itu sebagai hukuman kepadamu"

Allahu rabbi. :(




Bertaubat.

Kembali kepada tuhan, wahai diri.

Have faith in Him and him.




ان الذين قالوا ربنا الله ثم استقاموا فلا خوف عليهم ولا هم يحزنون
Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang menegaskan keyakinannya dengan berkata: "Tuhan kami ialah Allah", kemudian mereka tetap teguh di atas jalan yang betul (dengan pengakuan iman dan tauhidnya itu), maka tidak ada kebimbangan (dari sesuatu yang tidak baik) terhadap mereka, dan mereka pula tidak akan berdukacita. 46;13

اولئك اصحاب الجنة خالدين فيها جزاء بما كانوا يعملون
Merekalah ahli Syurga, tetap kekalah mereka di dalamnya, sebagai balasan bagi amal-amal soleh yang mereka telah kerjakan. 46;14

Jom Mujahadah! p.s lukisan ketika di International Dinner yang lepas. Melayan perasaan. huhu.




Istisyhad
1425
9 Jamadilawwal 1437

Thursday, February 25, 2016

One quarter

Time surely fly fast. 
In need of increasing the gear.
Gear 6, shall we?

Haaaaaaaa

Can't believe myself.
One quarter of the academic year to final exam....  And here I am still writing blog post.  Sobs.

Panic attack begun yesterday. Wake up multiple of times at night and difficult waking up in the morning for the round.

Hurm.  I will keep on writing to keep my sanity.  To remind myself that all is well.  And I have been go through a lot before. 
It is just I have forgot how it feels.  I have gone through the worse, so why dwell of small little things? Manusia sangatt. 

So,  dear myself (and you who read),

Stay firm. 
Stay cool.
Stay awesome.
Enjoy each moment in your life.
Time will fly.
It will not wait for you. 
Be the best.

As a muslim,
You know Allah will ask about your time spent.
You know that you are khairan ummati.  The best ummah.
You know that Allah wants you to do the best.
You know that you are an ambassador of ummah.
And remember,  you are a Muslim first before a medical student. 

Love,
Me.

If you are a frequent reader of my blog, you know that those messages have been repeated countless time before.  But who cares,  I want to repeat it again! Lols.  Just joking.  It is just a reminder for me.  (pelupa sangat)

In need of positive vibes.  Yosh!! I can do it!! Lols.

A reminder from FB.  My FB status  3 years ago. 

Alkisah seorang ibu dan anak yang ber-skype

M: masa dapat berita kakak ipar masuk hospital sebab baby, macam-macam berlaku

J: jadi apa? *muka penuh kerisauan*

M: paip rumah pecah, dah 2 hari Mami dan Papa angkut air dari luar. Lepas tuh, few days before Papa tak sihat, tak boleh pergi kerja. Tapi harituh Alhamdulillah dah sihat. Harituh jugak, plumber datang rumah nak baiki. nak pergi awal hospital lawat kakak ipar tapi tuh la last-last malam jugak baru dapat pergi. Pagi tuh, bibik untuk nenek pun baru sampai. Nak kena uruskan dokumen. Petang tuh pulak ada usrah dan mesyuarat untuk gotong royong.........

J: *lagi risau* *hati gelisah*

M: TAPI Mami dan Papa selalu ingat ayat ni - فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرًا dua kali Allah sebut dan ma'a maksudnya bersama. Papa check dalam tafsir fil zilal pun kata 'mengiringi' dan Yasmin Mogahed pulak kata "together" and it is indeed so true! even thought the baby was not survived dan macam-macam ujian yang ada hari tuh, we did receive some good news! Your books about Parenting akhirnya sampai after 2 months of waiting and etc etc *other good news- let it be just between us*

J: hurm. betul betul betul.

M: this is just a small matter. Cuba compare dengan ujian nabi, kena baling batu, kena hina, kena maki, etc2 sikit je yang kita diuji

J: Teringat cerita Anas bin Malik dan Nabi.. *bermulalah kisah*... dan cerita Aisyah dan Nabi pun sweet....
.
M: aah, sekarang Mami dan Papa suka dengar Yasmin Mogahed, Nouman Ali Khan n latest Imam Suhaib Webb - tajuk "repentence"

J: oh, really? what is it about?
.....................................and the skype continue.......

M: kita terlalu banyak teori, kurang praktikal. In our life, whatever happens, relate back. to Him. He gives us ujian/musibah is because He wants us to prepare for a bigger ujian. and only selected people will get the ujian from Him.

The end.

indeed the best companion is the one who remind me of Him, The Almighty.
senyum TITM

.................

Lets go back to book. 

P/s picture from radiology department.  Lols. Random. 

Surau CSI
2037
15 jamadalawwal 1437H

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Imperfection

It happens again. 
When I answered wrongly,  I got stressed out. 
It is not that I don't know. 
The differential diagnosis of ulcer at pressure point are arterial or neuropathic ulcer. 
The management of prostate ca. 
The staging. 
The score.
Etc.

It is not that I don't know!
It is just the pressure. 
And I start mumbling around.  Urgh.

Now,  it starts again. Finding things to blame.
Being the perfectionist and it effects my daily life. 
Even when the intern showing favouritism,  I get annoyed. 
Even when my English getting worse and grammatical error all over the place (after 7 weeks of hospital-free),  get me annoyed. 

Now,  I am trying to find something to blame. 

One thing now I have realised.

I am afraid of making mistakes. 
I am afraid of failures. 
I am afraid if things go wrong. 

I am scared. 

Dear myself,
Allah is the most perfect.
He knows best. 
Don't be afraid. You are not perfect. 

If this life is perfect, what would be heaven is? Learning is a lifetime  journey and mistake is part of learning. 

Learn.  Learn.  Learn.
(even after 5 years,  you are  still the same.  :(

كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الْقِتَالُ وَهُوَ كُرْهٌ لَكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. 2:216

Even how scared you are of failure,  remember He is the Most Perfect! And re define success,  dear. 

Love,

Me 

http://rise.huffingtonpost.com/watch/why-our-definition-failure-all-wrong

CSI
2054
14 Jamadalawwal 1437H

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

One after another

My friend's mother just passed away today.

She is my classmate.  Final year medical student who has just another 4 months to finish her degree. 

But Allah knows best. 

DariNya kita datang,  kepadaNya jua kita kembali. 

She is in Malaysia at the moment. Just 1 hour late before her mother took her last breath. 

Allahu. 

:(

I don't know if I will ever be ready to let 'go'  of my parents.

Just called home and cried badly. And Papa's response,  "What time is it now? Go and sleep la"  sobss. 

Cukup solehahkah aku untuk mu,  Papa dan Mami? :(

 

Bertubi-tubi peringatan kematian sejak akhir-akhir ini. 
Tidak mengenal usia.

Allahu
Allahu

Berhenti mengeluh,  wahai diri.
Repent.

P/s dan baru sahaja mendapat berita seorang sahabat Irish baru  memeluk Islam.  She is the one who loves to sleep over at our house,  join isoc activities and today Alhamdulillah she is revert. Indeed,  Allah is the best planner. Allahuakbar

P/s this is the picture of my cousin who passed away last November.  May Allah grant both of them with Jannah.  Amin. 

Istisyhad
28 Rabiulakhir 1437H
2341

Monday, February 8, 2016

What would you do?

Considering you are (self)  retired debater,  and someone asked you to join the debate (public speaking).  What would you do?

Considering you are comfortable doing something and someone said you should stop doing it for a while because of a very valid reason.  What would you do?

Considering you really want to talk or text someone telling them how scared you are waiting for exam result and someone told you not to because you need to focus on your hectic class and tutorial.  What would you do?

Considering you want to tell the whole world what happens in your life which is exciting and challenging and someone told you not to.  What would you do?

Fighting your own self is hard. 
You really want to do it,  but you know you shouldn't. 
You really want to improve but it is not that easy. 

Mum told me,  it is less than 100 days.  Hang it there.  Almost there.  Give your best.  Focus.  Don't be so distracted (even though you denied it as distraction because you just enjoy it so much.  Lols)

 Almost there.
There are things that you need to push boundaries. (like public speaking stuffs)
And there things just remained as it is.

There was a leader once told me, why I choose this path? Because I want to die as a Muslim. We never know when we will die.  And I hope by choosing this,  I can die as a Muslim.

Choose your path wisely. 
 

Alhamdulillah.  Done the 'public speaking'  ketaq habaq hang.  -_-'
This is the last week of this rotation and next week is full of lectures.  And then I am back in HOSPITAL! Be afraid, this kiasu medical student is coming! Haha. 

I am ok. 
Yes,  I am okay.

P/s someone = conscious mind. 

Large Lecture Theatre
28 Rabiualakhielr 1437H
1459

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

...........

Subject-less. 

FB sends this notification.  "You have memories with bla bla on today"

So,  here is one of it (back to 3 years ago) in which I don't totally remember when I wrote that and who said it! Just some mysterious man/woman.  Lols.

 

Random. 

Just another rant. 

2nd week of 2nd rotation.  Just finished the 8-to-5-with-30-mins-break tutorial day.  Cramp otak.  Lols.  And just finished the PSA (Prescribing Safety Assessment,  not PSA for prostate okkk).  What an experienced! Mengada nak ambik -_-'

Another big decision making needs to be made.  Cuak dia sampai tak nak buka message ituHaish. Can you give me time to think,  please? *bulat mata* - perasan orang tu baca.  Lols. 

Things are getting busier. Alhamdulillah.
Dulu waktu lapang,  merengek.  Bila waktu sibuk pun merengek.  Manusia.  Haish.  Sila besyukur.

Why am I writing this stuff? Why I share it here? I know someone knows why.  And deep inside I know the reason.  Hurm. 

Kena tajdid niat kenapa ada blog.  Just for social sharing? Nak seluruh dunia tahu?
I have remained my Instagram with only 1 photo for quite a while and rarely share on my FB.  Managed to restrict Twitter for medical stuffs (with a bit of articles.  But rarely personal) and Google Plus for general knowledge and spiritual articles and videos. 

So,  left out with this.  Tempatkulepak.  As the name it says a place to lepak and the heading of Kata-Kata Aku.  It really plays it  role.  Lols.  To think about it,  it has been almost 8 years with that name! Zaman tak matang.  But the content did change.  Evolved. The reasons for writing are keep on changing.  Mardhatillah.  Towards His blessings.

Back then, my mum and my sister are my loyal stalkers.  Lols.  Now,  they are just too busy (or people are leaving blog and change to FB)

Things change.
Towards the better. 
Amin.
InsyaAllah!
Tajdid niat,  yosh!

Random.

91A
0024
23 RabiulAkhir 1437H