Sunday, July 20, 2014

He is the best planner

Assalamualaikum and hi!

I was planning last night that today I will do stuffs early in the morning and bla bla bla. but it didn't work.
I slept at 5 am and woke up late, just about time to go to the hospital to met the reg. *we need to discuss something*

I have decided to wear t-shirt and khaki and sports shoes. Oh well, it is weekend anyway, why bother. I make a quick choice and I choose my Gaza t-shirt. huhu. feeling like pejuang skit. hehe. *you will know later on why I am mentioning ootd here which is sooo unusual*

Off I went to the hospital. and it turned out, he has three operations! oh well, ortho surgeons are always busy during summer.  We make a promise to meet at noon. but end up we meet at half 2pm -_-' a very long wait. I have lots of things I need to do, shopping for my brother's engagement, bank, packing, kemas kemas yadaa yadaa. So, it is kinda a lil bit stressful and I am aiming to go back to Galway today at 5 pm, the last bus. But looking at the condition, hurm, I don't think I can make it.

I cooked a lot last night and thought to distribute some to the reg and neighbor. We finished around 3pm plus plus. I am soooooo happpy!!! It is done!!!! Alhamdulillah!! *except just a lil bit more, but I am done the major work* and I have say a proper farewell to him, the reg! I thought I don't have time to do it since he is always busy. but Alhamdulillah I have say it. *yesterday was with the other buddy* It feels soo good when you manage to express how thankful you are to have good buddy who talk a lot and layan kerenah si blur medical student ni. hehe. but overall, Alhamdulillah. I am so happy. Hoping to see them again this September insyAllah.

Thats not the main story, actually -_-'' So, after I met him, I went to the town. oh, by the way, I have just received message in the morning my mom asked me to buy shoes for hantaran my brother. Bally shoes or Clark or anything like that *remind me of Bally shoes and bunga telur story. hehe* So, I need to do a lil bit of window shopping and yadaa yadaa.

I went to this shop. Well, to find guys shoes is not that difficult especially if it is something casual, leather, black and you know the size. But the difficult part is almost all shoes look the same for me. and it is difficult to choose. geee guyssss. Plus, it is for HANTARAN! bukan main-main. I hate doing shopping alone for someone else. I love shopping alone but if it is for myself. Like this case, I need second opinion. After almost half an hour there, I go out without buying. but I know I need to buy it today because I don't have much time.

And after hop on hop off some shops, I have suddenly saw this......

and I was WOW! in a small town like this, they make the solidarity?! amazing. I want to join but it was kinda awkward. I was alone and no one I knew was there. Erk.

So, I went to the other shop first and thought I might as well join. No regrets. I will be more regrets if I don't. I am just ignore the fact that today is Saturday and most of the shops close earlier than usual.

Allah will help me for sure. and indeed He is The Most Merciful.

I have no regrets at all and I feel more ease.

It was a wonderful experience. I have join one last year in Galway but there were lots of Malaysians and lots of my friends too.

This time. It is different.

I push the boundary. I push the limit, and get out from my comfort zone.

I talk to one lady. We share our grieves, our sympathy over the Palestinians people, we share news.
It is humanity, even we have different skin color, different race, different nationality but we are all united under one. Humanity.

And I was wearing Pray For Gaza t-shirt.

Indeed, He is The Best Planner.

even kids join the march

"Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kami letakkan Engkau di batang leher musuh-musuh kami, dan kami berlindung denganMU dari kejahatan mereka. Ya Allah, hancur leburkanlah kumpulan-kumpulan mereka! Kacau-bilaukan persatuan mereka! Cerai-beraikan pakatan mereka! Goncangkan pendirian mereka! Hantarkan ke atas mereka anjing-anjing Kamu! Wahai Tuhan Yang Gagah Perkasa, Wahai Tuhan Yang Bersifat Murka, Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Menyiksa, Ya Allah, Ya Allah, Ya Allah. Wahai Tuhan yang menurunkan Al-Quran, wahai Tuhan yang menggerakkan awanan, wahai Tuhan yang menewaskan bala tentera Ahzab, kalahkanlah mereka, menangkanlah kami ke atas mereka…"

lets pray for Gaza. shall we. and it is not seasonal. It will be continue until we win! Ameen!

p/s I told the lady named Eva at the demo today that I wasn't plan to came, and in fact I have no idea at all that they will have this today, she was sooo amazed and telling almost everyone the story. Isn't it beautiful how Allah arrange our affair?

If I woke up early and went to town in the morning, I might miss this.
If the reg finish the operation early and I went to the town earlier, I might miss this
If I have decided to cancel the meeting with the reg and don't wait for him, I might miss this.
If my mom didn't ask me to buy the shoes, and I went to town just for a short while, I might miss this.
If I have decided to go back to Galway today, I might miss this.

ياَ حَيُّ ياَ قَيُّوْمُ

Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Hidup, wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Berdiri Sendiri

بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْثُ

Dengan rahmatMU aku memohon pertolongan

أَصْلِحْ لِيْ شَأْنِيْ كُلَّهُ

Perbaikilah untukku urusanku semuanya

 وَلاَ تَكِلْنِيْ اِلىَ نَفْسِيْ طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ

On You Who is Everliving and Sustains and Protects everything, I seek assistance through the means of your mercy, correct for me all my affairs and do not entrust me to my Nafs (myself) for the moment of a blink of an eye

Apt 15
22 Ramadhan 1435H

Saturday, July 19, 2014

what have you done?

9 more days to go.
I have one important thing to achieve this year Ramadhan. Allahu. and the clock is ticking.
Ya Allah Al Qawiyy, please give me strengh. Al Wadud, please allow me to love You more than anything else.  Al Ghafur, please forgive my sins :'(

Apt 15
22 Ramadhan 1435H

Saturday, July 12, 2014


Assalamualaikum wbt and hi!

Another kisah tulang but not just klinik hehe.

Kisah 1

The very first week I met the consultant.

Consultant: Ok, everyone, this is Dr **, she is very important to me. So, please be nice to her.
Me: *sengih as usual. speechless kott*
Consultant: So, Dr **, if anyone do not treat you well, tell me. OK? as a return, please be part of the team.

Gituw huh protection dia.

Kisah 2

During shoulder repair when there is a very tight space, oh well, when doing the operation on the shoulder, you have to think on the anaes zone as well, so, it is not that spacious to fit 4 SURGEONS at one time. Different than knee or elbow operation.

but one day, there were already 2 surgeons assist him, the consultant, but suddenly he turned to me,

Consultant: Dr **, scrub in please
Me: *yang menurut perintah*
Nurse: Mr O'G, I don't think it will work out.There is not enough space there
Consultant: *sambil tarik tangan* It is ok sister. Dr ** stay beside me.

When everyone object, he is the one who protect.

Kisah 3

di klinik

A mother who is an ophthalmologist came to bring her children due to hand fracture.

Doc: Hello, I am K, and this is Dr **, a medical student who will be with us today
The mother: a student? not yet a doctor right?
Me: *abuden. nama pun student, memang la belum doctor lagi*
Doc: She will become a doctor.  *with a serious tone*

After the clinic, the doc turn to me

Doc: *make face a.k.a buat muka* whats wrong with the mother? asking you are not a doctor. what daa?! *emo*

*dalam hati* Doc, I am not feeling offended at all. Should I? but I feel protected :)

Kisah 4

The consultant will be doing operation on another theater which was on knee athroscopy and which I have assist him for number of times and I am enjoy it. Another theater which is the usual ortho theater will be having total knee replacement with another surgeon (senior reg) and which I have never got the chance to scrub in since it is a big operation and need to wear  kinda astronaut gown.

But that day.

Consultant: You can scrub in for knee replacement if you want
Me: Can I? *unbelievable face*
Consultant: Yes, you can.
Me: *speechless, doubtful*

Why I am in doubt?

1) It is a big operation
2) I need to wear the astronaut gown, not the usual one
3) The CONSULTANT will NOT BE THERE! as well as my best buddy.

I asked around, I asked the reg, my best buddy, "should I scrub in?"

He replied, "Look, if the BOSS said like that, you better scrub in. Do what the boss told you to do"

and then I asked my second buddy, another reg which will be scrub in for knee replacement as well.

He said, "go on. no problem" *with muka tak de perasaan as usual. hehe. Kadang-kadang suka jugak 'cling' dengan dia. sebab jenis lantak le, kalau tanya soalan, dia jawab. More phlegmatic person"

I was still in doubt. so, I asked another doc, SHO who will also scrub in. *another cool doc*

He said, "go and scrub then!" I look at him, and he said again " GO!"

and then I asked the senior reg who will lead the operation. *the muslim doc who is the one who ask Mr O'G to fast. refer my post on Ramadhan and Non-Muslims"

He said, "If Mr O'G said like that, go and scrub"

and there I was,  scrub in and then the nurses was "medical students shouldn't scrub in" *dalam hati, nurse ni tak tahu berapa banyak dah aku scrub in. sila tengok buku operation ye. hehe" *siap pi tanya the senior reg if it is ok. but he said, "Mr O'G ask her to scrub"

Hambikkkk ko, senyap terus. Terpaksa la tolong aku pakaikan gown tuh. *the gown is so special, it needs another person to help you*

Seriously, it is kinda an aura if anyone mention his name, the consultant's name. I can see the changes in the faces for almost everyone. Mr O'G is a very nice man but he is also a very strict, with don't play-play with me face. He can call anyone love, darling, but he has his own stand, principle.

To tell the truth, with the team, I feel so protected. I am not the kind who push people, I rarely push people or demand for anything especially in this case. I know I am just a medical student. I don't have any right or authority. I have lots to learn and lots of things that I don't know. I know where I should be and I know my limit which sometimes cost me fear. But when I am with this team, this consultant, I feel more free to learn new things, to take risk, to challenge myself. It took me some time to realize this. But honestly I start to fell in love with this profession. :)

It is so wrong when we feel safe in a hand of people but we don't feel safe in the 'hand' of Allah in which Allah is always there for us.

I feel fear when I was alone, thinking no one to protect me if I do mistakes.
I feel fear to try something new which I don't know what will be the future.

Lets change the mindset!

Just turn back to Allah and you will find your heart at ease.

Law hawla wala quwataillah billah. there is no power nor might except with/by Allah

وَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ وَنَعْلَمُ مَا تُوَسْوِسُ بِهِ نَفْسُهُ ۖ وَنَحْنُ أَقْرَبُ إِلَيْهِ مِنْ حَبْلِ الْوَرِيدِ

We created man, We know the prompting of his soul, and We are closer to him than his jugular vein. 50;16

astronaut gown -_-' *the new gown, better than the old one, lagi nampak macam astronaut habaq maii*

ada orang buat-buat busy :P

Thanks to my best buddy for the pic :) Alhamdulillah. Those pics are the end of my scrub in drama. It was my last day of scrub in since the consultant off for holiday, doc lain tak berani nak ambik risk budak medic sorang ni. hehe. I did scrub in for TKR, and ACL repair on my last day. Feel blessed. Alhamdulillah .

P/s Alhamdulillah self achievement, new experience. Now, learn to focus :)

Apt 15
14 Ramadhan 1435H