Thursday, November 16, 2017

Escape death

Assalamualaikum and hi!

It has been quite some time since my last post. No, i am not gonna shut this blog down. It is just....... Okay, another excuse. 'Being busy' lols. Typical me.

Anyway, my pregnancy journey worth to keep here. To remind future me, my 13 years old son later on and my husband. To remind us how we escape death. (well, it doesn't sounds right as we know no one can escape death, it is a fate. But in our case, with our limited knowledge, compare to Allah's, obviously, we see it as we did escape death with His Ar Rahman)

So here it is,
I survived complete placenta previa (also known as Grade 4 Placenta Previa) at 38 +4  weeks pregnant.
And yes, i have go through C-Sec, but no, it is not elective. It was emergency c-sec.
I don't want to write how they missed the placenta previa, or how they treat me initially, no, i don't want to have any blame game here. I am still alive, baby is healthy and all of us are grateful for that.

But what I want to write is my pregnancy journey. Flashback to 9 months earlier. So that we remember how grateful we are.

We just married 11 months ago, 29th January 2017, I was a housewife, not yet a house officer. Lols.
A fulltime housewife. We start our life, living together under one roof in a small apartment. Adjusting phase they said.
Learnt about each other, and still learning actually.
My favourite quote at that time was, "kahwin dahhh, with my classmate" lols.
I can't remember how many times I said that. Because it was still unbelievable.
Anyway, fast forward. I missed my period for few days. And as a graduate from Irish system, we knew folic acid should be consume 3 months before conceive to prevent neural tube defect. It is before. B.e.f.o.r.e.

So, as worried I am, I told my husband about my period, about folic acid yadaa yadaa, and being a cool husband, he brought back home 2 UPT (urine pregnancy test) And being myself who dont care about drama or surprises or yadaa yadaaa,  did the test and asked him to interpret. No, there was no such thing as, surprise, abang! Hahaha but instead, abang, betul ke ni? Ce abang tengok, abang, abang, abang, hahaha

A nagging wife. Oh well. ( and I repeat the test on the next day because I cant believe it I am pregnant!!)

And my husband on the first response was overexcited, whereas I was in shock haha. The decision to have a child as early as possible was our decision, not his alone. But we didnt expect this soon. So, Alhamdulillah. All praise to Him, The Almighty.

So, thats it. I am pregnant. Did the necessary thing, made a booking visit, open the pink book, etc
And alhamdulillah my first trimester experienced was uneventful, still managed to cook, did the housework, no vomiting, just i cant tolerate rice as much as before. Thats it.

Then later,  16 weeks pregnant, I started as a HO, and it also means we were going to start a long distance relationship (LDR) It was in our plan.  and Alhamdulillah so far everything worked as plan. Eventhough it was a bit difficult.

We both admitted LDR wasnt easy. But we both tried very hard to make it possible. There were times I was too emotional (blame the pregnancy hormones. Lols) there were times I was being too attached to him. But at the end, I know I need to be strong. And he is always there whenever I need.

Starting in surgical department as my first posting wasnt a bad idea at all. It was indeed tiring. Both emotional and physical. I defaulted my antenatal appointment for 6 weeks. Went to private clinic only when he came down to meet me. I know I shouldnt do that. But this profession drained sooo much of my energy.  -alasan. Hahah. Eh betul la.

Anyway, I survived 4 months in surgical department, without extension and created beautiful memories. And friends of course. So, thats my second trimester and Alhamdulillah uneventful, my little boy grow healthy in my tummy, no complaint at all, except mild anaemia. Oh well, my baseline Hb was always low. Lols.

Then, lets move to third trimester. Means, lets move to another department. Medical. At first, it was okay, but slowly I feel easily tired. Back in second trimester, I survived not eating the whole day until midnight. I survived not sleeping at all during oncall.
But not this third trimester. Thank God, medical posting wasnt too bad, got time to eat maaa, haha. And I was very good with my antenatal appointment except the last one.

Back to this third trimester. Again, nothing much to complaint. Until 37 weeks, I started to have minimal pv bleed. Went to the hospital, treat as show with Os open 1cm.
I still had to do oncall that week. And my request not to do oncall was only granted on the following week. So, yeap, I did my oncall up until 38 weeks.
And decided to do more walking and up and down the stairs, to make it easy for labour. Had few minor contractions here and there but bearable. We did aim for labour that weekend but it didnt happened.

A week later, I missed my antenatal appointment, decided to go to private clinic to make up the missed one.

It was my off day, but I was too lazy to get out from bed that morning. So, I decided to go later but suddenly I cant start my car and needs to wait for someone to check it. It turned out the car was ran out of battery and need to change to the new one.

My sister came over and asked for a sisters-time. So we did dropby at the clinic, but they didnt accept patients anymore until tonight. Alright, so lets go eating! Yeah. And my husband passed his assessment that evening.  Alhamdulillah.

That night, I went to the clinic again. Alone. And thats how I know I have placenta previa. And I know I need to be admitted that night with possibility of operation at that night. 
Mix feelings. Shock. Scared. Alone.

Called my husband on the way home. Non stop crying.

The rest of the story as usual. Admitted. Start fasting, for op on the next day, he flew on first flight at early morning, and here came the beautiful lil boy. Tadaaaa.
(he inserted my branulla, urine catheter, and being the most wonderful husband I could even ask for)

I hate doing 'if' games, but this one is exceptional. To make us becoming more grateful.

1. If I didnt miss my appointment, they might continue the same plan and wait until 40 weeks for the next scan

2. If I didnt go and check, I might die of hypovolaemic shock due to bleeding when I have a stronger contraction

3. If I went to the clinic earlier, there is a chance that my husband wouldnt make it

4. If the car didnt break down, I might go to the clinic earlier, which brings to the problem at no 3 and my husband wouldnt able to complete his assessment

5. If I continue doing on call on that week, my baby and I in huge danger

6. If they detect that earlier, it might jeopardize my contract. I might have problem working in the future, as I might need to be warded earlier/in bed rest

The biggest escape was the hypovalemic shock part.
Just google the complications of placenta previa and you will know how dangeraous it is - both to the mother and child. Especially during term.

Dear future me,
Be grateful. You are still alive.
Allah gives you time to repent.
And it is a miracle that you are still alive, baby Khalish is healthy.
Please, be a good servant. Jangan tangguh solat, baca Quran hari-hari. Sedekah regularly, zikir and remember Allah during both senang dan susah.

Dear Khalish,
You are a miracle to both of us. Remember, Allah ada. He will take care of you whenever, wherever you are. Dont be afraid. Tegakkan kebenaran. Do good. Whatever difficulties that you have face, we might unable to help you, but pray harder, InsyAllah Allah will show you the way.
Look how Allah has taken care of you while you are in my womb, insyAllah He will take care of you while you are in this wild world.
Have faith, dear. Have faith.

Ummi and Abah.

Dear my husband,
Thank you for being the most supportive,loving husband and father. Thank you for everything. May Allah bless you, dear! and whatever happens, we will stay strong together. Have faith. Trust.We will make this marriage works and together we will reunited in Jannah. Amin!  

Day 14 of life
Day 14 post emergency LSCS
Placenta previa survivor
15 November 2017

Friday, February 10, 2017

"What A Small World"

Assalamualaikum and hi!
Rasa rajin pulak nak update blog tiba-tiba. Lols.

Anyway, I attended a meeting yesterday. Well, a women-related-NGO thing. And I met this young lady. I can't really say I know her but I did hear about her long time ago and we were supposed to meet years years ago. But you know I am a busy lady. Hahah. Just joking.

So, back to this lady. She was graduated from a university in New Zealand and she met my elder sister long time ago and they were kinda keep in touch with each other. Okay fair enough.
This lady was from Ipoh, Perak and did her praktikum in my hometown. And turns out she fall in love with this guy and they got married! Now, she is here in my hometown.

Why I'm telling you this? To show that she is not related to me or my husband. Just my sister.

Then, yesterday, after some ice breaking, yadaa yadaa, she suddenly said, "akak rasa akak kenal la suami awak (I think I know your husband)"

Bear in mind, she can't attend my wedding because just got a baby. and she saw my wedding picture in the NGO group. Well, some members did came over.

After she said that, I was like okayyyyy, in my heart, how on earth you know my husband??!! (in a very soft tone okayy, bukan marah. lols)

Then she continued, "Akak google suami awak dan baru akak teringat, dulu zaman dekat New Zealand, kami follow PPIMI punya Youtube, apa ntah Trek something. Dan dulu teringin nak buat tapi tak ada orang dekat NZ seberani suami awak"

Ha ha ha.

"What a small world"

Well, sis, he just retired from doing those stuff. So, yeah. That's how small the world is. Just at your fingertip you got that information and back in NZ and Eire, miles miles away, and yet, she recognized my husband.

I know it is kinda wrong to put that quote "what a small world" in this situation where usually happen when someone REALLY know that person whereas in this case, she only know through Youtube. Lols.

I told my parents about this, and their reaction was epic, Papa said, kan kita semua daripada Adam dan Hawa. Lols.

Yeah, right, dad.

So, back to the topic. Indeed this world is very small. There is a study saying there is only just six degrees of separation between us! Numbers of theoram on friends and strangers had been shared. To what extend it is true, I don't know. But it is not surprising if it is true.

The concept was popularised by John Guare's 1990 play, Six Degrees of Separation, which was turned into a film starring Will Smith, Stockard Channing, Donald Sutherland and Ian McKellen. One of the characters says: 'I read somewhere that everybody on this planet is separated by only six other people. Six degrees of separation between us and everyone else on this planet. The President of the United States, a gondolier in Venice, just fill in the names. I find it extremely comforting that we're so close. I also find it like Chinese water torture, that we're so close because you have to find the right six people to make the right connection ... I am bound, you are bound, to everyone on this planet by a trail of six people.' - source 

Ain't interesting?
Try it out with a stranger. Might be true :)

But at the end of the day, if you are a Muslim, we are already connected. An aqidah bond.

The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy. 49;10

More interesting article about that -Proof! Just six degrees of separation between us

Pusing-pusing pi mai tang tu, orang tuh juga kita kenal. Jadi tak usah gaduh, tak usah komplen banyak-banyak. Nanti dekat akhirat, orang tuh jugak la yang akan tolong kita atau yang akan ungkit awat tak tolong depa. 

We are living in a small world. No need to have that harsh feelings or dendam kesumat or buat jahat dekat orang. This life is too short to do evil. Just do good. We are related to each other anyway. We do sins and we repent. Allah is The Most Forgiving. So, if you do do bad to other peole, ask for forgiveness. Learn to say sorry. We are family aite.

Gambar sekadar hiasan :P

p/s new life ahead! Bring it on! Bismillah! May Allah bless. *excited*

Lot 2740
12 Jamadil Awal 1438H

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Learn to love, learn to respect

Assalamualaikum wbt and hi!

It has been 2 months since the last post. It was a busy month and I love it. Lols.

2016 was a tough year but lots of good things happened as well.
2017 is  a just a beginning of a new adventure. And Alhamdulillah for the past one month, lots of good things happened and hopefully will last till forever. Amin!

Although, the truth is no such thing as perfection but I look it as positive way. How bad could it be? and if it brings us closer to God, or at the end of the day for our good sake, so, why dwell too much? So, yeah. overall, it has been a good month.

After every rainfall, there is a rainbow, aite.

Hence, here we go to a better year. Alhamdulillah. I just got married to a wonderful man on the 1st Jamadil Awal 1438H, and today is our 10th day as a married couple. Lols.No, I'm not counting. It is just wow, dah kahwin dahh. Haha.

I can't really say I am married to the man that I love for only-Allah-knows years. Because it is totally different. If you asked me, since when did we into each other? My answer will be, I don't know. We know each other since 7 years ago, back in college days, started as enemies. Lols, gaduh banyak wooo zaman dulu, and then we get along well after that. (sometimes. haha) I don't have exact date when we agree to get married. And I don't have exact date, I fall in love with him. And I don't have exact date when he propose me. Did he really propose me? Ha ha ha, And I don't know how couples have all the details about that and we don't.

It is a process. and it keeps growing.

Love is a commitment. Love is a word, a noun, a verb. Love is everything. (cloudy. hahah)

Our love story just begin. Still too young to understand. But we pray may Allah showers us with sakinah (peace, restfulness, honour and happiness), mawadah (love, affection) and rahmah (blessings, forgiveness, grace, mercy, compassion, and fortune) Amin!

It is still lots to learn about love and respect. I'm currently still reading book Love and Respect by Dr Emmerson Eggerichs, (a pastor, jangan kecam sis. lols). Was recommended by my brother. The book is good but full of reference from Bible. So, need to be careful. There are things are valid about relationship that we can still use. As a saying, Alhikmatul dholllatul mukminin.. haithuma wajadaha fahua ahaq’qubiha”- Hikmah itu adalah barang tinggalan milik orang mukmin, siapa sahaja yang menemuinya, maka dialah yang lebih berhak keatasnya.”

Gain knowledge as much as possible!

Anyway, back to the book. It says love is what the woman most desires and respect is the man desperately need. Love alone is not enough. There is a theory called "The Crazy Cycle". The theory described as without love, the wife will react and become disrespectful towards the husband, and when the husband don't feel respectful, then he reacts, and being unloving. And the cycle goes on. Like a wheel. It can be without respect, the husband react,being unloving and then, the wife being disrespectful. So, no blaming game here. It is just how a wife or husband react.

A quote from the book,
'trusting and obeying God's word because we love and reverence. God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! when the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don't feel like getting up. Because we do what we don't feel like doing, does that make us hypocrite? No, it is a sign we are responsible person. Showing respectful behavior when we don't feel respectful is evidence of maturity, not hypocrisy'

Still reading the book and haven't experienced any crazy cycle (yet!) So, for time being, everything looks nice and cloudy. Hahah. No, I am not being pessimist but I'm being realistic. and I'm enjoying the current phase. Cloud nine. Hahah. and yes, it is beyond my description of love. Un-describable. (lols, suka hati je buat term baru). and no, I'm not peer pressured my fellow friends to get married (although, indirectly yes. haha) because everyone has their own challenge and Allah has plan for everyone including you. So, your time will come soon. Keep on praying. Allah knows best. Your jodoh sesat somewhere. Huhu. He/She will come at a right time, right place, and as a right person. Believe in Allah, dear.

Need to learn more about love and respect. Long wayyy to go. May Allah bless us! Amin!

p/s puas boleh design sendiri banner and sticker. ngeeeee. Self Satisfaction.

From Facebook. Just to remind us again and again :)
Choose to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.
Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling and when possible, try to keep your phone off when you’re together with your spouse.
Make time together a priority. Budget for a consistent date night. Time is the “currency of relationships” so consistently invest time into your marriage.
Surround yourself with friends who will strengthen your marriage and remove yourself from people who may tempt you to compromise your character.
Make laughter the soundtrack of your marriage. Share moments of joy, and even in the hard times, find reasons to laugh.
In every argument, remember that there won’t be a “winner” and a “loser.” You are partners in everything so you’ll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution.
Remember that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It’s usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.Prioritize what happens in the bedroom. It takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it’s nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it!
Remember that marriage isn’t 50-50, divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It’s not splitting everything in half, but both partners giving everything they’ve got!
Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you’ve given your best to everyone else.
Learn from other people, but don’t feel the need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone else’s. God’s plan for your life is masterfully unique!
Don’t put your marriage on hold while you’re raising your kids or else you’ll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.
Never keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.
Never lie to each other. Lies break trust and trust is the foundation of a strong marriage.
When you’ve made a mistake, admit it and humbly seek forgiveness. You should be quick to say, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
When your husband/wife breaks your trust, give them your forgiveness instantly which will promote healing and create the opportunity for trust to be rebuilt. You should be quick to say, “I love you. I forgive you. Let’s move forward.”
Be patient with each other. Your spouse is always more important that your schedule.
Model the kind of marriage that will make your sons want to grow up to be good husbands and your daughters want to grow up to be good wives.
Learn from other people, but don’t feel the need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone Else. God’s plan for your life is masterfully unique!
Never talk badly about your spouse to other people or vent about them online. Protect your spouse at all times and in all places.
Always wear your wedding ring. It will remind you that you’re always connected to your spouse and it will remind the rest of the world that you’re off limits!
Connect into a community of faith. A good church can make a world of difference in your marriage and family.
Pray together. Every marriage is stronger with God in the middle of it.
When you have to choose between saying nothing or saying something mean to your spouse, say nothing every time!
Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each .
Writer : Unknown

Lot 2740
10 Jamadil Awal 1438H