Thursday, December 31, 2015

2016

Salam and hi!


2016 in less than an hour (GMT. hehe). So here it goes, my last blog post for a year. 2015.

A year of drama. Lols.

This is the year I choose to cut down my personal sharing on social media such as FB and Instagram.

This is the year I write most in my blog since its first 'birth'. Lols.

This is the year I observes more than commenting.

This is the year I have make lots of impromptu decision.

This is the year of tears, blood and sweat.

This is the the year of love and hatred.

This is the year of ups and down.

This is the year of happiness and sadness.

This is the year of hope and faith.

And the list goes on.

In one word, a tough year.

Having said that, there are soo many good news in it and I'm survived. Alhamdulillah. It is just we are so overwhelmed with the negative sides and overlooked the positive ones. May 2016 is the year that change our paradigm. Look the good side in every bad.

And the best thing in life are the ones you never see coming.

2016, looks like going to be a very happening year for our family. I'm looking forward to this new adventure! *excited and nervous* May Allah ease the journey and may 2016 bring us closer to Him, The Almighty. Plus, with full of barakah and happiness. Amin!


So, dear my self,

let's strive for the best. Towards a doctor of ummah. Amin! yosh! Someone share this powerful du'a by our beloved Prophet and keep on reminding to read this prayer. So, may you steadfast in His path. Amin!

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ


source



p/s O Allah, "O Ever Living, O Self-Subsisting and Supporter of all, by Your mercy I seek assistance. Rectify for me all my affairs and do not leave me to myself, even for the blink of an eye.

Amin!


91A
2353
20 Rabiulawal 1437H






Thursday, December 24, 2015

Ego


Bagaimana Islam akan menang kalau penganutnya masih ada keegoan dalam diri demi kepentingan peribadi? 

Dush.  Sekali kena tegur dekat muka sendiri harini.  

Drop your ego.

Loss my machoness and coolness.  Not good,  dear,  not good.    

# PUISI2015


Burren
1704
10 Rabiulawal 1437H


Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Intelligence is not fixed!

Just read this article in between studies and find it an urge to share here as a reminder again and again.  Buat diri yang lupa.  Haish. 

You might think it is for your kids but in fact for you yourself.  Because an adult always forgot what they learnt when they are small.  Just saying.  I laaa actually.  Sobss. 

Some snippet of the article.  The link is at the end. 

"The message: The brain is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. The way you exercise your brain is by embracing challenges, practicing skills, learning new things. As Khan puts it, "the brain grows most by getting questions wrong, not right."

Which is why, when my toddler was trying to snap her own buckle, I needed to encourage her to take on the challenge by saying, "Almost!" and "Try again" instead of "Here, let me do that for you."

"If society as a whole begins to embrace the struggle of learning, there is no end to what that could mean for global human potential," Khan writes."

Full article- http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5826816

So dear myself,

Given that your final exam is less than 72 hours,  please keep on challenge yourself.  Keep on trying! Remember,  as a Muslim you have been taught on being  the best,  and leave it the rest to Allah.  So,  be the best first! Never take for granted.  Jangan perasan hebat laaa.  Duhhhh.  Lols.  You can do this! Learn from the mistakes.  Don't shut your brain down. Don't let it freeze. Keep on moving.  This is just another exam.  Keep calm and study! Take the challenge! Ignore what other people say.  Abaikan mereka.  Do your best.  Intelligence is not fixed.  Allah bagi apa usaha dan doa kita.  So,  just do it!

Regards,
Me. 

P/s picture credit to a friend :)

91A
2035
3 Rabiulawwal 1437H

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Sick!

I am sick!

Sick of reading the news.
What is going on with these people?
I am totally don't understand.  (Maybe I am not doing enough research)  but in my conscious mind,  I am still can't find any reason for bombing Syria! ISIS? Are you serious? Syria is not ISIS.  The kids are not ISIS.  Syria is a country.  Duhhh,  even 6 years old kid know that.  Ok.  I am just being too emotional. 

They say World War Three is about to begin.  Hurm. 

There are so many things that I don't understand.  (including medical stuffs.  Nak jugak cakap :P)

Malaysia is not getting any better.  With the toll,  public transport, subsidy, 
And the new rang undang-undang.  Dictator? I don't know.  I need to be careful what I wrote next time.  Duhh selama ni tak careful ke? Takut kena tangkap? Ouuu pleaseee Allah tengok selama ini tak takut?

With the Paris attack.  Islamophobia.  Alhamdulillah I am okay here.

O Allah,  please protect us.  Show us the truth and let us stay steadfast with the truth. 

Dunia akhir zaman.  Mengharapkan dosa terhapus,  amalan bertambah,  gapai hidayah,  berada bersama yang Haq, dan mampu bezakan yang batil. 

P/s gonna do more reading about the current issues after the finals.  12 more days before final.  Doakan, please! May Allah rewards you!

Room 303
2202
22 Safar 1437H

Monday, November 23, 2015

Last.

"If you want peace of mind in both worlds; pray, forgive others, omit sins, purify the heart from diseases, help others & spread goodness!" Mufti Ismail Menk

Last rotation as a student. 
A 'premature intern'  next year insyAllah. 
Let's strive for the best! Yosh!

24 days before exam. Time to get more serious and focus.  (no more play-play huh)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim for the next rotation.  May Allah ease! Amin!


P/s this time next year, hoping for the same smile with full of happiness. (refer to the pic.  Huhu) Amin!


91A
11 Safar 1437H
0026

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Clouds

Cloudy.  Cloud nine. Awan.  High.  Love.  Happy. Happiness. Blind love.

But it also can be...

Cloudy. Suram.  Sad.  Death.  Rain.  Cry. 

Of how clouds can change color,  so does emotions.  It is only a word but it can be used in a sentence in a various way.  (then,  the meaning changes).  I know there are other words too.  But this particular word is very close to me.  Cloud. I love looking at the sky on a clear lovely day, smiling, feeling the breeze, Looking at the clouds moving so fast (typical Eire) and in a split second,  it is getting darker,  and rain flow down like the tears of mine.  (if you are studying psychiatric,  you might think I have bipolar.  Mood swing.  Lols)

On 20th November,  (27 days to exam),  I am a happy kid.  High. Too many good news and blessings from Allah.  Alhamdulillah.  It is just  a beautiful day. Everyone is happy. Indeed a memorable day for all of us. Booster to study.  Gituuuu.  Claudy bak hang. 

On 21st of November, 1230pm local time (8.30pm home time) I have received a single line of whatsapp message that struck my heart.
"innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun. Pukul 8.05pm tadi,  Liyana kembali ke rahmatullah"

Liyana is my first cousin.  She is 2 years older than me. Went to study medicine in Dublin and twinning in PMC. She is already working as a doctor (houseman) back home.  But things happened.  Last year,  she was diagnosed with Leukemia. 
As a medical student,  herself is a fighter. She has face lots of difficulties back then.  And now Allah tests her again.  After almost a year fighting cancer (it is not easy.  The environment itself is tough and rough),  Allah loves you more. 

I saw you last summer,  at Tok Che's house.  You seems happy and healthy.
I haven't got a chance to tell you.
You are a fighter. Keep it up. 

I guess it is too late now to say that to you.  But I know Allah is all knowing.  He knows what you have go through and may you unite with soleheen. 

Al fatihah. 

That's another cloudy.  Irony. 

A reminder.  In this world, Allah creates both.  Happiness and sadness.  But both occasions lead to Allah.  Lead to Him.
Be assured,  this worldly life will end and a real life will begin.  Live in dunya like a traveler.

Dear myself, focus on your study.  This is part of jihad. If you died now,  you will consider shahid.  Stay steadfast.  Allah is all knowing.  Death can happen anythime. 

Jodoh dengan tuhan itu pasti. 
Jodoh dengan manusia,  tuhan sahaja yang tahu.

May Allah bless.

91A
9 safar 1437H
1326

Sunday, November 8, 2015

The Monster Named Fear

By Gavin Aung Than

We a grow up with dreams of what we can be
In the playground showing off our talents for all to see
Anything is possible when you are laughing in school.
For instance,  a ballet dancing prodigy sounds pretty cool.
How about a rockstar singing in a band?
Or maybe a tennis pro with a killer backhand.
There's this one girl who makes you laugh till you cramp.
And another who just wants to be world wrestling champ!

........... Cont. (Nak salin the whole poem,  because it is just beautiful.  But but but,  too lazy to do it :P)

"Thanks to persistence and focus and much follow through,  the monster has shrunk to the size of a shoe! "

You just need to buy this book.  Highly recommended. 

Love every stories and quotations in this book!
Well,  of course, Quran will be always number one.  Duhhh.

Hurm,  I love poem.  And especially with full of motivation.  Ouh and comic!

Just another side of me. 

Books. 
Give me a book and I will keep quiet for hours.  (given that it is not a medical book! :P)

91A
1317
26 Muharram 1437H

Thursday, November 5, 2015

2 in 1

When you get an email saying your conferring day will be on your birthday,  and you are not yet prepared for your exams, you will be liked OMG! Angkat tangan,  tadah doa,  with your heart beats like crazy, and thinking very hard what will happen,  with a bit of ifs here and there.  And of course,  you start to study.  Usaha,  dik. 

Told everyone about the date,  and they are like,  "cool! Rejoice two in one! Amin insyAllah you can do it! "

I guess I need to be more positive. Sobsss.  Orang lain lagi positif dari diri sendiri. 

Short reminder from Mum on DUIT.

D-Doa
U-Usaha
I-Istiqamah
T-Tawakal

On note,  that 'I' could not be Ikhtiar,  but instead Istiqamah.  You need to be consistent.  In which I am already overwhelmed with lectures, and hospitals.  Sedikit tapi berterusan.  Noted,  mum. 

P/s someone plays piano in CSI.  Just telling. 

2017
CSI
22 Muharram 1437H

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Tiada yang sempurna

Dalam 3 hari, 2 teguran kematian.
Isnin lepas,  sedang bedah buku dengan Kak Yanti, dalam satu bab tujuan hidup terbelek satu bait,  'Mati itu pasti'.

Hari ini,  seorang pesakit menghembuskan nafas terakhir.  Tidak berada di sisinya, tapi sempat melihat di sebalik tirai.  Baru semalam ber-bedside tutorial pesakit tersebut.  Harini sudah tiada.  Orang kata,  jadi doktor akan hadapi nasihat kematian berkali-kali.  Tapi dalam masa hampir 2 tahun setengah berbumbungkan hospital,  tiada satu pun kematiaan yang dilihat. Sehinggalah malam ini.  Mungkin ini teguran dari Yang Esa. 

Kematian itu boleh beri kesan positif.  Juga negatif.  Lihat pada siapa yang melihat. 

Aku? Banyak lagi muhasabah. 

Bila mana rasa ingin tahu tahu dan tahu yang meninggi,  lupa menyusun yang mana lebih penting dari yang terpenting. 
Sehingga lupa,  akhirnya kematiaan yang menerjah. 

Patut berhenti menjadi manusia yang inginkan kesempurnaan kerana ini dunia.  Andai dunia sempurna,  apakah itu syurga? Latih diri, tidak semua benda ada penjelasannya. Prioritise ilmu. Ilmu tuhan ini bagai air di lautan. 

Belajar.
Demi masa,  manusia dalam kerugiaan kecuali..........

91A
2020
15 Muharram 1437H

Friday, October 23, 2015

Halfway

Salam and hi!

2 months gone and another two months coming.  Time surely flies fast. 

لَا إلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ الْعَظِيمُ الْحَلِيمْ، لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ رَبُّ العَرْشِ العَظِيمُ، لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهْ رَبُّ السَّمَوَاتِ وَرَبُّ الأَرْضِ وَرَبُّ العَرْشِ الْكَرِيمُ

Laa 'ilaaha 'illallaahul-'Adheemul-Haleem, laa 'ilaaha 'illallaahu Rabbul-'Arshil-'Adheem, laa 'ilaaha 'illallaahu Rabbus-samaawaati wa Rabbul-'ardhi wa Rabbul-'Arshil-Kareem.

There is none worthy of worship but Allah the Mighty, the Forbearing. There is none worthy of worship but Allah, Lord of the Magnificent Throne. There is none worthy of worship but Allah, Lord of the heavens and Lord of the earth, and Lord of the Noble Throne.

Ref:Al-Bukhari 8/154, Muslim 4/2092.

Keep calm and cherish the moment.  You're gonna miss this later.

Keep going.

Allahu rabbi. 

10 Muharram 1437H
1617
Comerford

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Sympathy or empathy

Salam and Hi! 

I saw this elderly man yesterday. Pre-opt. At the middle of history taking, two young men who are his sons came and joined the session. They were very nice and caring towards the father (maybe because they are very close with the father as their mother died at early age)

Am I being empathy?

At the hospital corridor today, after a break before next surgery, the two anxious young men came and asked for the condition of their father.

"how's the surgery? "
" when can we see him? "
" they said they just started the surgery" (which is completely wrong. The father is in recovery room.)
"can you find out for us? "

The surgery went well.
Your father is in recovery room.

I wished I can say that.
I wished I can give more information.
I wished I can tell them not too worry.
I wished I can tell them how lucky the father is to have two sons who are always care for him.
I wished I can put them at ease.
But I can't.
Because I am just a student (premature-seven-months- doctor?)

Eventhough when I have become a doctor in the future (amin. InsyaAllah!), I don't think I can say that to the family members. Because it will be just a script. It will be just because your responsibility, your job to tell them. Not because you want to do it. You will be having lots of long operations a day. Even just now, observing a 3 hours lobectomy makes you cranky. Just observe ok. Bukan operate pun. (hurm. I'm might be wrong. Maybe I'll change)

After talking to the sons, I can imagine myself if I were there during my father's CABG operation last 2 years. I can imagine how anxious I will be. Even just watching over the skype, they pull my dad's trolley to the operation theatre give me goosebumps. I can't imagine if I am actually there. Worse. I miss him.

Now I start to relate to my own story. hurm. 

Today, after the operation, I have a very strong feeling. I went to the ward to look for them but they weren't in. And I'm thinking of seeing them this Monday. Hurm. I think I shouldn't.

This is not the first time I feel this. There were times when the patients rejected my request for history taking because they are tired, I was having the same feelings. The consultant scolded me because I don't have the history. I feel bad. Very bad. I told my mom but she said things need to be done, so I should push it. But I don't have the strength to push it. Being sick is suck, cranky, tired. Hadith said that Allah removes the lights (nur) from your face when you are sick. Yup. I saw those faces a lot. And I feel bad to disturb them. :(

There is a reason why you can't take everything personally. Emotional versus logical. Necessary versus unnecessary. You need to take the history and do examination properly to help them to become better. It is important. The interruption is necessary, dear. Not just for the sake of main main doktor doktor okkk. If you can't do it properly now, what will happen to your own future patients?

Be strong!
Overcome the feelings!! You can be empathy but not sympathy.
Jihad kesihatan!
Yosh!

Allah bagi nikmat IQ for the benefit of ummah. Use it.

P/s this is one of the thousands reasons why I want to specialise in primary care whether public health and health promotion or family medicine. Because I don't think I can handle that feelings when working at the busy hospital. Handle feelings are more tired than handle the diseases. Hurm. Emo laaaa.




Comerford
1757
3 Muharram 1437H


re-post the pic.



Monday, October 12, 2015

Trust

How do you believe in Allah when you couldn't see Him?

Trust.

I guess that's how love works too. 

You couldn't see it,  but you can feel it. 

It is difficult to do but possible.  Sometimes you feel hurt.  But sometimes you feel weird.  And  sometimes you feel happy. 

Have faith. 

Random sangat niiiiii. Haish.  Hormonal imbalance I guess.  When you learn more on endocrinology,  the more you realised how wonderful your body works.  How beautiful Allah creates us,  the human being.  

Thyroid, pituitary,  adrenal.  You can't see it,  but you can feel the effect.  The effect on your mood,  your action,  your emotion,  your appetite, etc.  Isn't it amazing? Subhanallah! All praise to Him,  the most Powerful. 


P/s thank you Allah, the creator of all feelings,  love,  sad,  happy.  Pemilik hati manusia.  


1255

29 Zulhijjah 1436H 

Siobhan McKeena Lecture Theatre


Thursday, October 8, 2015

Bla bla bla bla

Assalamualaikum and hi!

Here is the thing that I am struggle most.
Stop talking too much!

I have this problem since high school? I think.  But maybe because people call me [insert my nickname] so it makes me to talk more and more! Maybe.  *shrug shoulder * *sigh*

I talked a lot with my non Malaysians friends.  *bajet nak fit in? * nahhh.  I talked a lot to Malaysians as well okkk.  Erk.  Are you sure? <---- ignore this paragraph.  Argument inside my head.  Monologue yang terkeluar.  Ehehs.

At one point,  I feel like people think I want to fit in with them.  Mat Salleh uolls.  Lols.  Just my assumption. Do I need to clarify that? No,  I don't.  Why should I? <--- again, Monologue. 

I have realised that I need to reduce talking  nonsense,  gossips,  (do I really do that? Wey,  you are not maksum okkkk.  You are normal human being with sins. Sobs) It was already few years I am struggling with this.  And this year is the worse! Well, I thought I need to practice speak English especially with long cases and short cases exam coming.  Which end up,  I talked something unnecessary. Geee.  That's the problem! I didn't think before I talked! I just say things recklessly! When I speak in Malay,  I don't have much that problem.  Hurm.  I don't know why.  Fit in hypothesis again? Hurmmmm.  Muhasabah derrr. 

“Let whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day either speak good or remain silent.”

[Al-Bukhari, Kitab ar-Riqaq, 11/308; Muslim, Kitab al-Iman, 2/18. The complete hadith is, "Let whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day either speak good or remain silent; and let whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day be generous to his neighbours; and let whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day be generous to his guest."]

O Allah, please protect me from talking things that makes You angry.  :(


P/s everyday's view at 8 am.  Winter is coming.  :)

1831

24Zulhijjah 1436H

Comerford

Sunday, October 4, 2015

PPG

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said : A muslim is a brother to a Muslim: Neither he wrongs him, nor hands him over (to another). And whoso comes in need of his brother , Allah comes in his need ;and whoso removes a calamity of a Muslim, Allah will remove a calamity from the calamities of the Resurrection Day, and whoso conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his sins on the Resurrection Day' (Bukhari and Muslim)

:)

Tired? Of course.  But that's doesn't matter.  I am glad I did.

Get well soon,  dear!

Booster for few months to come before we meet each other again. 

May Allah protect and bless you two. 

0219
Edinburgh Airport
21 Zulhijjah 1436H

Friday, October 2, 2015

Brotherly love

I have 5 elder brothers and a younger brother. I don't think I need to add more. But that didn't happen.

At a clinic today,

A registrar asked me few questions and being a blurred medical student, I answered what I can. *with a reluctant face as I don't like this rotation *

He stopped doing whatever he was doing and looked straight at me.

"[insert my first name here], this is an advice from a brother to a younger sister"

And I start to cried. Well, not really. Masuk habuk je. Ehehs. Tak tak. Betul tak. Dalam hati je.

I hold back my tears and listen to his advice.

"you will pass but you need to work harder"

It is not that I don't know that. I know. And he gave few other advises. *the new member, a Canadian was there. He is the nice smartest guy in the class*

Later that day, this Canadian being like another brother to me asked me questions.

So today, I have two new caring brothers. Geee.

I used to have protective caring brothers. Well, not anymore as most of them are married. Sobss. *thinking of my last summer, well, they are married but they are still caring as usual actually *

And with what happened today, I feel touched.

I really need to work hard.

I am scared but at the same I am grateful. Allah has send me them to teach me, as a reminder.

Indeed, it has been a stressful week especially when you are doing things that you don't like but you have too. And my girlfriend is still in the hospital :(

Maybe I need to get back on track. Pray pray pray and pray. Balance life. Your body needs it too. Hak yang tertangguh.

Spiritual and mental.

And I'm crying.

I'm crying because Allah still loves me.
I'm crying because I know it is a long tough journey ahead.
I'm crying because I am grateful.
I'm crying because I am exhausted.
I'm crying because I am scared.

Lastly,
I'm crying because I'm just a normal imperfect human being who relies on Allah for everything.

I am just a weak creature with feelings.

All is well.


"Is prescribed upon you [the] fighting while it (is) hateful to you. But perhaps [that] you dislike a thing and it (is) good for you; and perhaps [that] you love a thing and it (is) bad for you. And Allah knows while you (do) not know." 2;216


1923
Corrib River
18 Zulhijjah 1436H

 

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

50 years of marriage

Just a random chat over a coffee table.

Upon seeing me alone,  drink coffee at a busy hospital's cafe,  an old couple came. 

The wife is 69 years old and the husband is 75 years old. 

Typical conversation,  why you are here *history taking mode.  Lols*

And social chat. Haha.  Adei.

But this statement touch my heart.
"We are 50 years married next year.  We have 3 children,  all grown up and 9 grandchildren.  We are happy :) *

"My advice is if you don't want to go that road,  i. e responsible, living with each other, don't go.  It is very worrisome here.  They get married and separated,  divorced after 2 years" :(

Indeed,  marriage is not just about two people living together,  fall in love etc. It is more than that.  Accept the flaws,  improve yourself.  Nak bina ummah bak hang,  bukan nak bina rumah jaaaa.  *Not as intention to scare you but just to make you aware that.  Just a reminder. It is doable,  thou*

P/s they asked my age and said,  "you look younger than your age!"  Geeeee.  *fly high*

Pst random pictures in my camera phone of my lovely university  :)

1013
Hospital
15 Zulhijjah 1436H

Keep calm

Assalamualaikum wbt and hi!

The new rotation will start tomorrow and we have a new member. Adaptation mode on! Well, he is a nice guy but very very super duper smart. Now, you know what I am afraid of, right. Inferiority. Lols. Ouh oh and this rotation is tough. I need to be more proactive. Yosh!!

"You have to accept the inescapable fact, which is that you will encounter things in life that you cannot change, but you can deal with through patience and faith"

Whatever happens tomorrow tomorrow and tomorrow, let it be. Only Allah knows. So, don't worry and do your part. *take a deep breath in and out*

All is well.
Focus!
Have faith in Him.
Have trust in him.

*say the prayers and let's study! *

P/s today's strolling along the Corrib River. Alhamdulillah nice weather, nice air. 
ps/s she is still in the hospital. Please make du'a for her. :(


91A
15 Zulhijjah 1436H
2027



Thursday, September 17, 2015

Absent minded

Assalamualaikum wbt and hi!

It is our third week in this rotation of a so-called hectic year.  So,  yeah. With this busy schedule,  I have just realised that I can be very absent-minded.  My actions kinds of weird I would say.  Like no ihsan (mind conscious) at all! And after it happens, I will be like OMG,  what am I doing?!!! And thank God,  I am still alive.  (I am not doing suicide stuffs,  okaaaayy)

But it is very funny when your iman is at a very low level,  you can act weird and regret later on.  (if you realised that you really do something wrong). Some people didn't even realise it until the end.  So,  dear myself, be grateful. Allah send His petunjuk to you that what you have done is wrong so that next time you will be more careful.  It is a lesson.  And  of course,  maybe it is a sign for me to do something, back to Him, cleanse your heart. 

When was the last time you do that? Hurmmmm.  (nak puasa pun beralasan.  Haish)

P/s my girlfriend is not feeling well.  Please pray for her speedy recovery! Take care,  dear.  May Allah protect you always.  Ouh and we have four TB cases in our university! Please pray for us too :(

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Future plan?

The questions that I don't have the answer.

"What do you want to do after graduation? "
"What is your future plan?"

Honestly, I don't know.
I don't know until when I am here. In this wild world.
I don't know what happens in the future. 
I don't know what is the best for me.

I do plan. A lot!
And I love planning. 
But things are not that simple.
Because your life is not yours.
You have the responsibility.
I am a daughter to my parents.
I am a sister to my brothers and sisters.
I am PPG's best friend.
And the biggest thing is you are belong to the ummah.  Geee.

To be honest,  I want to settle down.  Get married,  have kids,  have good career (a specialist),  a better Muslim,  a dai'e (thing that I'm worried I can't.  But you know there is no such thing as perfect,  right).  Well,  heck.  Who doesn't want a perfect life? (currently reading a book entitled A Perfect Life by Danielle Steel.   Got awww and owww here and there. Lols)

We are dai'e right. Khalifah. That's the purpose of life. Ingat sampai mati.

وَإِذْ قَالَ رَبُّكَ لِلْمَلَائِكَةِ إِنِّي جَاعِلٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ خَلِيفَةً ۖ قَالُوا أَتَجْعَلُ فِيهَا مَنْ يُفْسِدُ فِيهَا وَيَسْفِكُ الدِّمَاءَ وَنَحْنُ نُسَبِّحُ بِحَمْدِكَ وَنُقَدِّسُ لَكَ ۖ قَالَ إِنِّي أَعْلَمُ مَا لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

And [mention, O Muhammad], when your Lord said to the angels, "Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority." They said, "Will You place upon it one who causes corruption therein and sheds blood, while we declare Your praise and sanctify You?" Allah said, "Indeed, I know that which you do not know." 2;30

You can't deny that.  But have you act like one,  dear?  *slap*

So,  keep improving yourself,  please.  Dan jangan selfish.  Lols. 

P/s groupmates asked me this question earlier today and I was rambling about something andddd now I feel like jumping the cliff.  Oh, man!!!

CSI
1900
18 Zulkaedah 1436H

Pic of Edinburgh Castle (last summer craziness) during sunset.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

No man is an Island

No man is an Island,
Intire of it selfe,
Every man is a peece of the Continent,
A part of the maine;
If a Clod bee washed away by the Sea,
Europe is the lesse,
As well as if a promontorie were,
As well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were.
Any man's death diminishes me,  because I am involved in makinde;
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls:
It tolls for thee.

John Donne
1572-1631

OHCM 9th Edition. 

P/s first day of school as a final year.  Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.  May Allah bless this journey.  A mixed feelings.  Excited and scared!

Dear myself,
Let's change for the better. This time next year.  Exactly 1 year to go. 
No more distraction.
Be more focus.
Plan well!
Manage your time properly.  :)

91A
2318
17 Zulkaedah 1436H

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Regret

I will regret this for the rest of my life. 

I hate it. 

Dear myself,
Learn to say No.
Learn to check  first!
Learn to think before act.

:(

*crying inside out* arghhhhh

I am sorry. 

No 7
Aberdeen
2108
11 Zulkaedah 1436H


  Update: alhamdulillah got courage.  Went back to the shop on the next day to ask for refund.  Got almost full refund.  Except one product is non refundable.  What to do.  At least I have received 80% back my money! Told the salesgirl my principle about boycott.  Alhamdulillah she understand.  (well,  not really.  But ok la) i am proud of myself.  :) 


Saturday, August 22, 2015

Early morning in Scotland

Assalamualaikum and hi!

I am off to Aberdeen.  Yeay! Well,  not for holiday but to 'babysit' my dear girlfriend. Jangan marah no, dear.  Hehe. 

Here are few things to learn in this journey. 

Edinburgh - Aberdeen

Lesson 1.

Well,  the train station is 15 min walk from the place I stay.  And the train leaves at 5.30am. So,  to be safe, I went out from the house at 5 am. 

I choose to walk.  Why? It is free! *typical a broke student.  Lols* don't worry.  It is quite safe.  The bus is still operates. Many people on the road.  Going home after hangover.  Lols.

Edinburgh is a nice beautiful place. And I love it.  Full with history and heritage.  Buttttt if you want to know a real city.  Go out at around 5 ish in the morning.  And Edinburgh will reveal the other side of it.  The roads are filthy. Vomitus everywhere.  Rubbish left and right.  People drunk. (not everyone.  Some of them) The smell yucks.  Water spills out from cans,  bottles make the pavement looks wet.  It is really not a nice view to see the first thing in the morning!

You can't judge someone or some place or something from knowing only one side of it.  Well,  you shouldn't judge someone in the first place.  There are no perfection.  Look on the bright side. 

Lessons learnt. 

(btw,  thw scenery from Edinburgh to Aberdeen is majestic.  Love it!)

Lesson 2.

At the train station,  I took out my hoodies.  Well, as a precaution, I wear it from home.  Suddenly,  someone say Assalamualaikum.  Ehehs.  I turned around and see a young black man was cleaning the stairs. 

He smiled. And we did some chit chat.  He was from? Sanada.  Leaving his family and work alone in Edinburgh.  He keeps on saying MasyAllah,  SubhnAllah. Reminding me of Allah.  Allahu.  It is sooo beautiful.  May Allah bless him and grant him rezki dunya wa akhirah.  Amin!

Strangers can teach you about life! Be that kind of stranger to others. 

Lesson learnt.

Lesson 3.

At the platform,  while waiting an elderly man (P) who is a passenger talk to the? trainman (T)

P: is there any food or drink sell on the train? It is early in the morning and no shops open out there! (with a raised voice when the trainman starts to shake his head)

T: Sorry,  sir.  No,  we don't. 

P: poor service!

And T walked away and still apologising. (he looks busy)

P looks very angry.  But T handle it well.  It is not that nice to see that.  But the fact that T says sorry,  I feels that it is a right thing to do. 

Sometimes we need to lower our ego and apologise.  It doesn't mean you lose ,  but it means you are brave. In Islam,  the prophet says the most brave man is the one who can control his anger.  The trainman can just say rude words like,  "well sir if you don't like our service,  then don't use our service" .  (Familiar tak ayat ni, lols) 

In Malaysia,  with the issues related to cow's DNA and breastfeed,  politicians etc.  At one point,  I think they should just keel quiet. 

Think before you talk and control your emotion well.  You are intelligent,  so act like one.

Lesson learnt.

That's it for now.  Let's enjoy the view! May Allah bless!

0617
8 Zulkaedah 1436H
Scottrail

Gereja dan Palestin

Assalamualaikum dan hi!

Tika mana Acheh dilanda Tsunami. Berpusu-pusu ahli geraja datang membantu.  (oh,  ahli masjid pun ada)

Tika mana Gaza diserang,  ahli gereja juga datang membantu. 

Aku bukan ingin menjadi seorang racist,  assabiyah atau sewaktu dengannya. 

Setuju,  bahawa ada juga organisasi Muslim seperti Muslim Care,  Aqsa Syarif etc datang membantu.  Bukan sedikit,  banyak. Sehingga kadang-kala diri kembali ke hidup selesa. 

Agak tersentak tika mana jelajah soloku ke bumi Edinburgh di musim festival yang menggila, ini yang aku jumpa. (rujuk gambar)

Terdetik di hati ingin pusing - pusing bandar bersejarah ini. Dan terlihat gereja di depan mata.  Tanpa fikir panjang,  kaki melangkah.  Ahh alangkah terkejut,  yangku jumpa adalah kempen kesedaran Gaza!

Walau hari-hari mailboxku terima berita tentang Palestine.  Adakah hatiku turut sama terbuka?

Sudahkah anda sedekah kepada Gaza hari ini?

Progresif atau agresif,  itu pilihan anda.  (bukan GHB ye.  Lols)

1827
7 Zulkaedah 1436H
Princes Street Garden

Monday, August 3, 2015

Hope

- feeling anxious

"Ya Allah,  tiada yang mendatangkan kebaikan kecuali Engkau.  Tiada yang mendatangkan keburukan kecuali Engkau.  Tiada daya melainkan dengan izin Engkau"

Law haw la wala kuwataillabillah. 


91A

2246

17 Sya1436H

Monday, July 27, 2015

[SONG] Seindah Sabar



Seindah Sabar
Lagu : Bazli UNIC
Lirik : Fedtri Yahya
Susunan Muzik : Wan Salleh


Seringkali kita tertanya Mengapakah kita diuji Silih ganti Tak berhenti Kadang kala tak terdaya Ada waktu kita tak mampu Ada waktu kita keliru Kita rebah Meratapi nasib Bangkitkan semula harapan kepadaNya حببنالله ونعم الوکیل نعم المول ونعم النصیر Musibah itu hikmah حببنالله ونعم الوکیل نعم المول ونعم النصیر Sabarlah menempuhi dugaanNya Ujian itu pengajaran Untuk kita renung kembali Dimanakah letaknya keimanan Fikirlah sedalamnya wahai insan حببنالله ونعم الوکیل نعم المول ونعم النصیر Musibah itu hikmah حببنالله ونعم الوکیل نعم المول ونعم النصیر Cukup Allah bagiku Sebaik-baik pembantu حببنالله ونعم الوکیل نعم المول ونعم النصیر Khabarkan berita gembira Bagimu syurga Bagimu syurga Bagimu syurga

Source


Sod ba ro.
Just a little bit more.



91A
1638
11 Syawal 1436H

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Is it worth it?

At the immigration counter,

A gardai (G) and me (K)

G : What are you studying?
K : Medicine.  *say with a big grin on the face.  Hehe*
G : Wow! It is a long journey!
K : Yeah,  it is.  :)
G : Is it worth it?

In a taxi. 

A Muslim taxi driver (M) and me (K)

M : Will you work here after finish or going back home?
K : Hurm, I  don't know.  I heard it is so difficult to get a job nowdays.  (in my head,  I know definitely I will go back home.  But whether I get a job or not.  I don't know)
M : Well,  as a rule of thumb.  It is beyond our control.  It is Allah's.  We just do what we can do and then leave it to Him.  Everything happens for a reason. 

Is it really worth it?  My grandmother asked me once,  why medicine? The course itself is gruesome and hard.  And the job (if you are fortunate enough to get one) .  Well,  as you know.  With those anti vaccines,  on call,  long hours,  sleepless nights.  Don't you think it is worth it? The salary?  I heard it is not much anymore. 

I have another one more year to complete my degree.  Yes.  You read it right.  A degree.  Well,  if you read my older post,  you will know what I have go through.  And I have autumn exam coming in 10 days. 

My journey in medical school is not as easy as A to B then C till Z.  It is A to C,  but sometimes back to B,  there are times I am stay longer in B.  There are times miracle happens.  There are times I feel I want to stop.  There are times I am worried without reason.  There are times I am crying under the duvet without no one knows *and now you know lols*.  There are times I feel strong and full of motivation.  Ups and downs. 

I've just finished reading Who Moved My Cheese.  I really should looking  for new cheese.  And yes,  I am now looking for new cheese with full of uncertainty.  But as a Muslim,  I believe there is new cheese out there.  For whatever reason,  I believe Allah has a better plan for me ahead.  And I just need to keep searching and believing. 

If you ask me why medicine?

My answer will be,  ladang pahala

In a simple word,  I am happy when you are happy. 

Well,  in Islam.  There are lots lots of reason why medicine.  About visiting the sick,  about treating other people,  etc.  You should be grateful, dear. 

P/s I am not comparing medicine with other profession.  I believe we work hand in hand to make the world a better place and as our seeds for the hereafter.  May it grows!

May Allah bless our journey!

91A
1254
9 Syawwal 1436H

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Ramadhan dan aku

Assalamualaikum wbt dan hi. 

Mungkin ini post terakhir sebelum kembali ke medan. 

Jujur.  Muhasabah ramadhan kali ini agak emosional. 

Dari awal ramadhan sehingga malam ini.  Malam terakhir insyAllah.

Air mata sering kali tumpah. 

Entah kenapa.  Sayu. 

Berita suka duka. 

Berita kematian usah dicerita.  Sering menjengah.

Umur makin meningkat dewasa. Mengingsafi amalan diri ini yang makin lanjut usia. 

Ada peperangan jiwa yang berjaya.  Ada yang tidak.  Hari-hari berperang dengan diri.  Selepas ini,  musuh kedua pula tiba.  Wahai diri,  semoga lebih kuat. 

Membuat keputusan tidak lagi sesenang dahulu.  Bukan lagi go with the flow bak kata mereka.  Sekarang,  perlu guna ilmu dan iman.  Berpaksikan Quran dan sunnah.  Ahh masakan mampu jika tiada input.  Sekadar takliq buta kata mereka.

Istikharah dan istisyarah. 

Ada keputusan yang agak berat untuk dibuat namun perlu. 

Ada keputusan yang agak dikesali tapi andai difikirkan kembali tiada penyesalan jika yang disandarkan itu kepada tuhan.

Yang membezakan niat dan amal.  Jangan cakap lebat tetapi dalam hati tidak sama dengan apa yang digambarkan. 

Semoga keputusan untuk terus berada di sini adalah terbaik untuk aku,  agama ku,  keluargaku dan bangsa ku.  Hanya kepada Mu,  aku bergantung harap kerana aku hamba yang buntu. 

Taqaballahu minna waminkum.  Semoga Allah terima amalan kamu dan kita. 

Eid mubarak. 

P/s baru terima peringatan kematian.  :(

Lot 2740
29 Ramadhan 1436H
2228

Saturday, July 11, 2015

It is YOUR road

---- feeling numb


"You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on. " - Oprah Winfrey





P/s someone meroyan tak nak balik.  T. T


Ramadhan bakal pergi.  Dia juga akan pergi. 
Meneruskan perjuangan yang belum selesai. 
Masih banyak yang perlu ditempuhi. 
Demi cita-cita yang menggunung. 
Berhenti bermimpi. 
Ini realiti. 
Bangkit lah,  wahai jiwa yang mati. 
Bangkit meneruskan sisa-sisa perjuangan.  
Masih  berbaki.  
Lawan tetap lawan. 
Lawan nafsu durjana. 
Dunia kini penuh fitnah. 
Yang membezakan yang hak dan batil. 
Hanyalah ilmu.  

Bangkitlah,  wahai pemuda.  
Ini jalan kamu. 
Jalan menuntut ilmu. 
Ini jihad kamu.  

Betulkan niat. 
Luruskan saf. 
Dengan lafaz Bismillah. 
Tangan diangkat. 
Dagu didongak.  
Mata berair. 
Hati mengingsafi.  
Hanya kepadaMu,  Ya Rabb,  kami bergantung harap. 
Semoga ia menjadi sedikit bekalan di akhirat kelak.  

#tutupfb #tutupwhatsapp #tutupphone 


Lot 2740
2351
24 Ramadhan 1436H


Tuesday, July 7, 2015

What a world

Assalamualaikum and hi!

I am already at home for about 8 weeks.  When I say home,  it means in Malaysia. 

And in this 8 weeks I have read,  heard,  saw sooo many things happened to my beloved country.  And it made me sad.

From social,  politics, economy to health issues. 

It was all start with GST.  Then the price of petrol increase.  Suddenly,  Tun M talked about 1MDB in which an old story but people just knew?  *well,  I know about it because of my parents,  they read a lottt.*

Greece almost goes bankrupt and our RM value getting down down and down.  Now,  RM1=£6. It was £5-ish before.  Why it happens?  Some people said because of the gov spending and no investor,  some said because of rakyat spending.  I don't know.  What I know is I need to start to save more and give more. 

Social media virals are getting out of control.  A Malaysian student in UK post in FB about £5 that cost him to hate our country.  Then,  it got viral.  People shared,  commented,  criticised the post.  It continued with a Malaysian doctor working in UK criticised the student and she said about homeless people in UK. Again,  it got out of hands.  Another Malaysian student commented on the homeless thing that she mention. A bit of hot discussion there. 

Oh,  the £5 FB post really got a hit.  My phd-to-be-student friend commented on it as well and his post got viral too!  A 'great' discussion at his post.  :(

Oh,  wait!  Thats not everything yet.  We have other news too!

Health issues.  Anti vaccine,  homebirth without supervision from medical professionals,  epidural cause lifelong limp?,  painkillers during labour cause CP?!,  what a nonsense news!

And other public health issues.  You name it.  Typhoid,  dengue,  TB.
The typhoid story,  they still could not find the typhoid Mary who still cook for other people!  Ouh and you don't have any idea how many food sellers out there without typhoid vaccine.  And it is bazar ramadhan season.  *crazy* and the ministry of health has not declared it as outbreak.  Afraid people don't go to bazar ramadhan anymore, huh.  And the food seller will blame the kkm because they lost their income .  Hurmmmmm. Whose fault in the first place, huh?  Yes.  The culprit.  Typhoid Mary. 

MARA and Australia.  Something with money.  Rasuah.  Building.  Not really follow the news.  Too much too digest. What I know is it is another bad news. 

Not to mention about Malaysiakini spinning the news.  Geee.  Even the alternative newspaper could not be trusted anymore. 

One more thing forgot to mention.  The LGBT marriage has been made legalised in US and it got a huge sensation in social media. 

For coming Raya,  someone who is highly educated advise people not to go back a.k.a balik kampung to reduce the spending.  Hurmmmm.  What a statement.  Poor Mami Papa. 

Lastly,  the latest one is Najib has been accused for taking money from 1MDB project. *this is not the term.  Read the news to know the exact economy term.  I am ain't economist.  Lols*

Soooo many negativity and I don't think I can accept more after this. 

What will happen to our next generation? What kind of world will my children live?

"Political subjects are touchy,  and things tend to look black or white on social media when there are no facial or vocal cues to assist people in interpreting your message"- Etiquette expert Louise Fox in RD JULY EDITION. 

Tabayyun. 
I am a silent reader.  I rarely share or comments on issues in FB or instagram.  Because it can get out of hands. 
I am prefer to have a face to face discussion or a debate ala-ala PPM.  Heheh. 

Looking at what happens to our country,  the only thing I can think of is just spread the positivity and Islam has lots of positivity . Hence,  go back to basics.  Islam. 

Selamat memburu lailatulqadar!

Lot 2740
1921
20 Ramadhan 1436H



P/s a friend hold my hands and said this prayer outloud,  Ya Allah,  semoga sahabatku ini mendapat suami yang soleh,  jutawan yang budiman.  Amin'.  Wow.  And I am speechless.  May Allah accepts our prayer and may Allah grant her and her family barakah.  Amin! :) #justapieceofgoodnews 

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Alhamdulillah

Assalamualaikum dan hi!

Dah ucap Alhamdulillah harini?

Tak perlu tunggu ala-ala putera raja datang melamar baru nak sebut Alhamdulillah.

Tak perlu tunggu dapat 4 flat baru nak ucap Alhamdulillah.

Tak perlu tunggu dapat anugerah pelajar atau pekerja cemerlang baru nak ucap Alhamdulillah

Tak perlu tunggu ia hilang dan jumpa kembali baru nak ucap Alhamdulillah.

Tak perlu hargai ia bila ia sudah hilang.

Bila ia hilang buat selama-lamanya, nyesal tidak sudah.

Wahai diri, ucaplah Alhamdulillah
Masih merasa nikmat iman dan islam.
Masih merasa pelukan bonda dan ayahanda.
Masih merasa berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan.
Masih merasa aneka kuih dan makanan.
Masih punya kudrat untuk belajar/kerja.
Masih punya kudrat untuk beribadat.
Masih punya hati untuk mencintai dan dicintai.
Masih punya harta untuk sedekah.
Masih punya masa untuk merasa indahnya nikmat tuhan.
Masih punya.........

Alhamdulillah.

Baru selesai menyenaraikan seribu satu peluang dan nikmat tuhan buat hamba ini yang tidak bersyukur. Sobs sobs. T. T

Adinda pergi bermusafir mencari hati katanya. Semoga sentiasa di bawah jagaanNya. Dan semoga mencari apa yang dicari. Harap bukan buah hati :p
Ahhh gonna miss you big times for this two weeks!

Aku pula berkira-kira nikmat yang tidak ternilai. Harap bersyukur wahai diri. Sekian.

Hurm. Tabiat menulis email "What are you grateful for" sudah hilang. Jika dulu, hari-hari. Haish. Harap istiqamah, wahai diri.

Banyak perkara yang perlu di-muhasabahkan. Jangan berhenti. Ini dunia akhir zaman.

Wahai anakku, semoga anda kuat hadapi ujian dunia.

Lot 2740
0002
13 Ramadhan 1436H

P/s pic credit : Google plus. ..... Counting days to go back. *mixed feelings *



[EDITED] in less than 24 hours after I post this, I received the most waited email ever!!! Alhamdulillah!. You have no idea how powerful Allah is! He is The Most Powerful! Done with the flight ticket. Bought all the tickets. Now, counting days for the big day. Ehehs. Big ke? lols.


Monday, June 29, 2015

A true lady



Source: Google Plus


- feeling grateful and hopeful :)



p/s you have no idea the power of kindness until you do it. Expect the unexpected. If you have a right intention, insyAllah Allah will bring you through it. Just do it. Allah is with you :)




Lot 270
1124
12 Ramadhan 1436H

Saturday, June 27, 2015

D2

"Apabila Allah menyenangi hamba maka dia diuji agar Allah mendengar permohonannya (kerendahan diri)"

HR.  Al-Baihaqi


Lot 2740
1038
10 Ramadhan 1436H

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Mummy ke Mami

Di kala awal pagi. Sahur.

Lambat! Makan la daku nasi, ikan, roti, tauchu, segala yang ada atas meja dengan beriya tanpa pandang kiri kanan. Lols

Papa melihat ku sambil sengih. Terberhenti sekejap dari makan.
Angkat muka, pandang Papa.

Tiba-tiba Papa kata, "Nurun sapo la?" (your looks, inherit dari siapa agaknya?)

Tersedak hanggg. Random betul Papa aku ni pagi-pagi.

Papa tanya, Papa jawab. "not me"
Dan Mami pun menyampuk, "not me either"

Eh eh. Sempat pulak bincang aku ni inherit siapa. Anak angkat ke aku ni? Ehehs.
Dah nak azan dah Papa Mami!

Aku sengih-sengih jawab. "Tok Ma kot. Nama dah sama." ehehs (Tok Ma = My grandmother on father's side)

Mami kata, "hurm. Tok We Joh kot. "

Ambik hanggg moyang terus. Oh dan nama kami pun sama. The three generations with the same name. Cool huh cool. Hoho.

Random di pagi hari. Akhirnya, tiada jawapan dari soalan itu. Saja suka-suka seorang ayah nak usik anak dia yang sedang makan dengan beriya nya. :D
 
By the way, I loves the way Papa looks at me. Penuh dengan kasih sayang. Gitu. Anak Papa la kot aku ni. 

Well, to be honest. Mami is my best friend and Papa is my guardian.


Oh some people spell Mami as Mummy. But we are taught to spell Mami as Ma-mi by our own mum. She taught us how to read so thats how she spell Mami in malay. Kalau tak, bagaimana nak eja Mami dalam bahasa Melayu kalau bukan Ma-mi?

Bahasa jiwa bangsa ok. Ehehs.


"Tidak ada hadiah yang lebih baik untuk seorang anak kepada ayahnya daripada adab yang baik" 
(Hadis direkodkan oleh Imam At-Tirmidzi)

Catatan Dhuha
Perkataan ikhlas senang disebut dan ditulis, tetapi betapa sukarnya untuk diterapkan dalam amalan. Ibadah puasa merupakan mekanisme untuk mentarbiah kita supaya ikhlas dalam amal kerana tidak ada siapa pun yang boleh mengetahui samaada kita berpuasa atau tidak.

Ust Idris Hj Ahmad
7 Ramadhan 1436. 24 Jun 2015 Rabu.


Cukup solehahkah aku untukmu, Papa?
Hurm.


p/s post tentang Mami dah ada dulu. Sekian.dan Happy belated Father's day. Eh, bukan hari-hari ke? Oho.


Lot 2740
1840
7 Ramadhan 1436H



I was wearing heels. So thats mean I am shorter then him. Sekian. 

Monday, June 22, 2015

Does he have autism?

Assalamualaikum and hi!

So, I (J) have this conversation with mum (M)

M: I overheard your sister talking with your sis in law about autism

J: hurm, ok.

M: She thought her son (S) has autism!

J: Why is that so? S looks normal though. He interact well with people, has good eye contact *being detective here. Ehehs*

M: Because S loves wheel!

J: ouh ok.


*S is 14 months-old boy

Then I checked my notes.

Well, my sister is partially true. Or quarterly true to be precise. Indeed one of the characters of having autism is  restricted behavior such as intense attachment to unusual object in which some psychiatrist give examples - stone or wheel. BUT in this case S doesn't has INTENSE attachment. He did loves wheels, but not that intense, sis. *typical first child problem. lols*

So let me tell you, about this autism thing which kinda fear in our community. 

In psychiatric, we say autism as ASD = Autism Spectrum Disorder. Why spectrum? because there are varies level of autism. According to ICD 10 *gitew*, ASD is classified as Childhood autism (the most common), atypical autism, Retts syndrome, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, Asperger's Syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorder Unspecified. 

*hang ingat, autism ni simple ke, huh? lols*

Each child with Autism has different symptoms. But the core symptoms are poor/absent social interaction, language and communication disorder and restrictive/repetitive behavior. *camne tuh, kak? sabar nohh, sat lagi hakak explain ye dik. Ehehs* Some child might have one symptoms but not the other. For example, in Asperger's Syndrome (one of autism spectrum), the child doesn't have problem in language but, he is clumsiness and have restricted gesture. The non verbal IQ is lower then the verbal IQ. Some people say this as mild autism.

Ok, back to the symptoms. 

What does it means as poor/absent social interaction? You must be freaking out when your child didn't follow your instruction eh or answer your question and you suddenly screaming, "MY CHILD HAS AUTISM!" lols. Drama. In your case, he could have elective mutism (relative or absolute failure to speak in social/specific situations. No worries. It can be cure. Hehe)

Back to the symptom: Poor/absent social interaction
Example - poor eye contact, no peer relationship (not sharing interest/activities/emotions), lack of social or emotional reciprocity, not interpreting body language/facial expressions/social cues, lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment. 

In my own word, numbness, living in my own world, "i can survive, baby" type. Ehehs.

Next, language and communication disorder.
Example: has delay in speech development, no useful speech, reliance on stock phases, lack of social use of language, pronominal reversal (when the kid refer themselves as "he", "she" instead of "I") , echolalia (repetition of speech), lack of imagination/fantasy thoughts/ social imaginative play

As for my dictionary, it is like a robot waiting for instruction. *paham ke? lols* 

Last one, restricted/repetitive behavior
Example: unusual preoccupation and interest, rigid routine, rigid pattern of play, intense attachment to unusual object such as stone or wheel, stereotype and repetitive motor manner such as hand flapping, nodding, rocking, 

My own definition = too young to be tooo perfectionist. Ehehs.


Thats the core symptoms. If you see your child has some of this symptoms, waittttttt, DON'T JUMP YET! not yet. What you should do is observe in a different setting. Maybe he is too smart, reading this symptoms in my blog and acting like one to get your attention. Lols. Too smart to be true. Hehe. To diagnose autism, you need to observe in more than one setting, and of course there are number of tests! i.e ADI-R, DISCO, CARS, ADOS. Ahah, you are trap, kid! It is not that easy to say someone has autism just like that you know. 

but but but if it is true, and you are freaking out. What you should do is seek for help, a doctor. Human doctor. Not Dr Google MD. ok! It is a blessing. Because he/she is special. Your ticket to Jannah, man. I know it is not easy but lots of ways can be done to reduce the burden. *easy say as I am not the one who has the burden* 

Well, in my textbook. *ehehs*. There are family psycho education, practical support, education, therapy (SALT, OT, physical, CBT, Vocational). And we can give medication such as Risperidone, SSRI or treat the anxiety. I am not going to give whole lot of lectures you know. But just to let you know, there are help out there. It is not to cure autism but it can promote normal development, reduce the rigidity and stereotype behavior, remove the maladaptive behavior and alleviate family stress. Quite hopeful, aite. 

Lastly, if you ask me why this happen or how we can prevent it?

I am sorry, mam, no exact answer. Some, say because of seizures, increase serotonin etc. but definitely NOT BECAUSE OF VACCINE! I am 100% sure of that. So puh-leass *a.k.a please* don't make up stories and get your fact right! Ask from a right person.

There are risk factor of autism that I can list here - Genetic, perinatal complications, neuro abnormalities, medical condition such as seizures, and executive function deficit especially frontal lobe. So, you prevent some of the risk such as do regular check up during your pregnancy, reduce risk of seizures. 

 Anyway, one of my nephews was suspected having autism. He has a very poor eye contact, rarely talk to us, delay in speech, more problem related to social interaction and he has this habit of hand flapping. My sister in law was freaking out and he was sent to see specialist, did CT scan etc and it turned out he has a bit problem in his brain (relate with speech and language pathway). He went to speech and language therapy for sometime but now Alhamdulillah a healthy, talkative, adorable, soleh 11 years-old-boy *siap hafal quran habaq hang, hang boleh? ehehs*


So, yeah. It is scary at first. As a mother, you want the best for your child. But just bear in mind, your children are not yours. He/She is Allah's. We are giving amanah to take care of them. 


42:49

To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what he wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He gives to whom He wills males.

42:50

Or He makes them [both] males and females, and He renders whom He wills barren. Indeed, He is Knowing and Competent.


42;49-50

For whatever difficulties that you have to face, you are not alone.Allah is always with us. Remember, this world has its end and then, the real life begins. Hang it there, mate.

May Allah bless us!
Take care!


p/s I am started to write about psychiatric more often lately. Hurm, Another fun way of learning I guess. I am tired of writing notes, notes and notes, and answer past year questions. Lets try something new. Ehehs. *hope it works.and get your intention right, dear. huhu*


Lot 2740
1913
5 Ramadhan 1435H


 
Does he looks normal. Yes, he is! but he has Asperger's Syndrome. *a type of autism spectrum disorder* Autism is worldwide. Not just in your family. Hope you are OK, Ryan