Imperfection

It happens again. 
When I answered wrongly,  I got stressed out. 
It is not that I don't know. 
The differential diagnosis of ulcer at pressure point are arterial or neuropathic ulcer. 
The management of prostate ca. 
The staging. 
The score.
Etc.

It is not that I don't know!
It is just the pressure. 
And I start mumbling around.  Urgh.

Now,  it starts again. Finding things to blame.
Being the perfectionist and it effects my daily life. 
Even when the intern showing favouritism,  I get annoyed. 
Even when my English getting worse and grammatical error all over the place (after 7 weeks of hospital-free),  get me annoyed. 

Now,  I am trying to find something to blame. 

One thing now I have realised.

I am afraid of making mistakes. 
I am afraid of failures. 
I am afraid if things go wrong. 

I am scared. 

Dear myself,
Allah is the most perfect.
He knows best. 
Don't be afraid. You are not perfect. 

If this life is perfect, what would be heaven is? Learning is a lifetime  journey and mistake is part of learning. 

Learn.  Learn.  Learn.
(even after 5 years,  you are  still the same.  :(

كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الْقِتَالُ وَهُوَ كُرْهٌ لَكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. 2:216

Even how scared you are of failure,  remember He is the Most Perfect! And re define success,  dear. 

Love,

Me 

http://rise.huffingtonpost.com/watch/why-our-definition-failure-all-wrong

CSI
2054
14 Jamadalawwal 1437H