Escape death

Assalamualaikum and hi!

It has been quite some time since my last post. No, i am not gonna shut this blog down. It is just....... Okay, another excuse. 'Being busy' lols. Typical me.

Anyway, my pregnancy journey worth to keep here. To remind future me, my 13 years old son later on and my husband. To remind us how we escape death. (well, it doesn't sounds right as we know no one can escape death, it is a fate. But in our case, with our limited knowledge, compare to Allah's, obviously, we see it as we did escape death with His Ar Rahman)

So here it is,

I survived complete placenta previa (also known as Grade 4 Placenta Previa) at 38 +4  weeks pregnant.

And yes, i have go through C-Sec, but no, it is not elective. It was emergency c-sec.

I don't want to write how they missed the placenta previa, or how they treat me initially, no, i don't want to have any blame game here. I am still alive, baby is healthy and all of us are grateful for that.

Enough.

But what I want to write is my pregnancy journey. Flashback to 9 months earlier. So that we remember how grateful we are.

We just married 11 months ago, 29th January 2017, I was a housewife, not yet a house officer. Lols.
A fulltime housewife. We start our life, living together under one roof in a small apartment. Adjusting phase they said.
Learnt about each other, and still learning actually.
My favourite quote at that time was, "kahwin dahhh, with my classmate" lols.
I can't remember how many times I said that. Because it was still unbelievable.

Anyway, fast forward. I missed my period for few days. And as a graduate from Irish system, we knew folic acid should be consume 3 months before conceive to prevent neural tube defect. It is before. B.e.f.o.r.e.

So, as worried I am, I told my husband about my period, about folic acid yadaa yadaa, and being a cool husband, he brought back home 2 UPT (urine pregnancy test) And being myself who dont care about drama or surprises or yadaa yadaaa,  did the test and asked him to interpret. No, there was no such thing as, surprise, abang! Hahaha but instead, abang, betul ke ni? Ce abang tengok, abang, abang, abang, hahaha

A nagging wife. Oh well. ( and I repeat the test on the next day because I cant believe it I am pregnant!!)

And my husband on the first response was overexcited, whereas I was in shock haha. The decision to have a child as early as possible was our decision, not his alone. But we didnt expect this soon. So, Alhamdulillah. All praise to Him, The Almighty.

So, thats it. I am pregnant. Did the necessary thing, made a booking visit, open the pink book, etc

And alhamdulillah my first trimester experienced was uneventful, still managed to cook, did the housework, no vomiting, just i cant tolerate rice as much as before. Thats it.

Then later,  16 weeks pregnant, I started as a HO, and it also means we were going to start a long distance relationship (LDR) It was in our plan.  and Alhamdulillah so far everything worked as plan. Eventhough it was a bit difficult.

We both admitted LDR wasnt easy. But we both tried very hard to make it possible. There were times I was too emotional (blame the pregnancy hormones. Lols) there were times I was being too attached to him. But at the end, I know I need to be strong. And he is always there whenever I need.

Starting in surgical department as my first posting wasnt a bad idea at all. It was indeed tiring. Both emotional and physical. I defaulted my antenatal appointment for 6 weeks. Went to private clinic only when he came down to meet me. I know I shouldnt do that. But this profession drained sooo much of my energy.  -alasan. Hahah. Eh betul la.

Anyway, I survived 4 months in surgical department, without extension and created beautiful memories. And friends of course. So, thats my second trimester and Alhamdulillah uneventful, my little boy grow healthy in my tummy, no complaint at all, except mild anaemia. Oh well, my baseline Hb was always low. Lols.

Then, lets move to third trimester. Means, lets move to another department. Medical. At first, it was okay, but slowly I feel easily tired. Back in second trimester, I survived not eating the whole day until midnight. I survived not sleeping at all during oncall.

But not this third trimester. Thank God, medical posting wasnt too bad, got time to eat maaa, haha. And I was very good with my antenatal appointment except the last one.

Back to this third trimester. Again, nothing much to complaint. Until 37 weeks, I started to have minimal pv bleed. Went to the hospital, treat as show with Os open 1cm.

I still had to do oncall that week. And my request not to do oncall was only granted on the following week. So, yeap, I did my oncall up until 38 weeks.
And decided to do more walking and up and down the stairs, to make it easy for labour. Had few minor contractions here and there but bearable. We did aim for labour that weekend but it didnt happened.

A week later, I missed my antenatal appointment, decided to go to private clinic to make up the missed one.

It was my off day, but I was too lazy to get out from bed that morning. So, I decided to go later but suddenly I cant start my car and needs to wait for someone to check it. It turned out the car was ran out of battery and need to change to the new one.

My sister came over and asked for a sisters-time. So we did dropby at the clinic, but they didnt accept patients anymore until tonight. Alright, so lets go eating! Yeah. And my husband passed his assessment that evening.  Alhamdulillah.

That night, I went to the clinic again. Alone. And thats how I know I have placenta previa. And I know I need to be admitted that night with possibility of operation at that night. 

Mix feelings. Shock. Scared. Alone.

Called my husband on the way home. Non stop crying.

The rest of the story as usual. Admitted. Start fasting, for op on the next day, he flew on first flight at early morning, and here came the beautiful lil boy. Tadaaaa.
(he inserted my branulla, urine catheter, and being the most wonderful husband I could even ask for)

I hate doing 'if' games, but this one is exceptional. To make us becoming more grateful.

1. If I didnt miss my appointment, they might continue the same plan and wait until 40 weeks for the next scan

2. If I didnt go and check, I might die of hypovolaemic shock due to bleeding when I have a stronger contraction

3. If I went to the clinic earlier, there is a chance that my husband wouldnt make it

4. If the car didnt break down, I might go to the clinic earlier, which brings to the problem at no 3 and my husband wouldnt able to complete his assessment

5. If I continue doing on call on that week, my baby and I in huge danger

6. If they detect that earlier, it might jeopardize my contract. I might have problem working in the future, as I might need to be warded earlier/in bed rest

The biggest escape was the hypovalemic shock part.

Just google the complications of placenta previa and you will know how dangeraous it is - both to the mother and child. Especially during term.

Dear future me,
Be grateful. You are still alive.
Allah gives you time to repent.
And it is a miracle that you are still alive, baby Khalish is healthy.
Please, be a good servant. Jangan tangguh solat, baca Quran hari-hari. Sedekah regularly, zikir and remember Allah during both senang dan susah.

Dear Khalish,
You are a miracle to both of us. Remember, Allah ada. He will take care of you whenever, wherever you are. Dont be afraid. Tegakkan kebenaran. Do good. Whatever difficulties that you have face, we might unable to help you, but pray harder, InsyAllah Allah will show you the way.
Look how Allah has taken care of you while you are in my womb, insyAllah He will take care of you while you are in this wild world.
Have faith, dear. Have faith.

Love,
Ummi and Abah.

Dear my husband,

Thank you for being the most supportive,loving husband and father. Thank you for everything. May Allah bless you, dear! and whatever happens, we will stay strong together. Have faith. Trust.We will make this marriage works and together we will reunited in Jannah. Amin!  

Day 14 of life
Day 14 post emergency LSCS
Placenta previa survivor
15 November 2017
2203

"What A Small World"

Assalamualaikum and hi!

Rasa rajin pulak nak update blog tiba-tiba. Lols.

Anyway, I attended a meeting yesterday. Well, a women-related-NGO thing. And I met this young lady. I can't really say I know her but I did hear about her long time ago and we were supposed to meet years years ago. But you know I am a busy lady. Hahah. Just joking.

So, back to this lady. She was graduated from a university in New Zealand and she met my elder sister long time ago and they were kinda keep in touch with each other. Okay fair enough.
This lady was from Ipoh, Perak and did her praktikum in my hometown. And turns out she fall in love with this guy and they got married! Now, she is here in my hometown.

Why I'm telling you this? To show that she is not related to me or my husband. Just my sister.

Then, yesterday, after some ice breaking, yadaa yadaa, she suddenly said, "akak rasa akak kenal la suami awak (I think I know your husband)"

Bear in mind, she can't attend my wedding because just got a baby. and she saw my wedding picture in the NGO group. Well, some members did came over.

After she said that, I was like okayyyyy, in my heart, how on earth you know my husband??!! (in a very soft tone okayy, bukan marah. lols)

Then she continued, "Akak google suami awak dan baru akak teringat, dulu zaman dekat New Zealand, kami follow PPIMI punya Youtube, apa ntah Trek something. Dan dulu teringin nak buat tapi tak ada orang dekat NZ seberani suami awak"

Ha ha ha.

"What a small world"

Well, sis, he just retired from doing those stuff. So, yeah. That's how small the world is. Just at your fingertip you got that information and back in NZ and Eire, miles miles away, and yet, she recognized my husband.

I know it is kinda wrong to put that quote "what a small world" in this situation where usually happen when someone REALLY know that person whereas in this case, she only know through Youtube. Lols.

I told my parents about this, and their reaction was epic, Papa said, kan kita semua daripada Adam dan Hawa. Lols.

Yeah, right, dad.

So, back to the topic. Indeed this world is very small. There is a study saying there is only just six degrees of separation between us! Numbers of theoram on friends and strangers had been shared. To what extend it is true, I don't know. But it is not surprising if it is true.

The concept was popularised by John Guare's 1990 play, Six Degrees of Separation, which was turned into a film starring Will Smith, Stockard Channing, Donald Sutherland and Ian McKellen. One of the characters says: 'I read somewhere that everybody on this planet is separated by only six other people. Six degrees of separation between us and everyone else on this planet. The President of the United States, a gondolier in Venice, just fill in the names. I find it extremely comforting that we're so close. I also find it like Chinese water torture, that we're so close because you have to find the right six people to make the right connection ... I am bound, you are bound, to everyone on this planet by a trail of six people.' - source 

Ain't interesting?
Try it out with a stranger. Might be true :)

But at the end of the day, if you are a Muslim, we are already connected. An aqidah bond.

The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy. 49;10

More interesting article about that -Proof! Just six degrees of separation between us

Pusing-pusing pi mai tang tu, orang tuh juga kita kenal. Jadi tak usah gaduh, tak usah komplen banyak-banyak. Nanti dekat akhirat, orang tuh jugak la yang akan tolong kita atau yang akan ungkit awat tak tolong depa. 

We are living in a small world. No need to have that harsh feelings or dendam kesumat or buat jahat dekat orang. This life is too short to do evil. Just do good. We are related to each other anyway. We do sins and we repent. Allah is The Most Forgiving. So, if you do do bad to other peole, ask for forgiveness. Learn to say sorry. We are family aite.

Gambar sekadar hiasan :P

p/s new life ahead! Bring it on! Bismillah! May Allah bless. *excited*

Lot 2740

1936

12 Jamadil Awal 1438H

Learn to love, learn to respect

Assalamualaikum wbt and hi!

It has been 2 months since the last post. It was a busy month and I love it. Lols.

2016 was a tough year but lots of good things happened as well.
2017 is  a just a beginning of a new adventure. And Alhamdulillah for the past one month, lots of good things happened and hopefully will last till forever. Amin!

Although, the truth is no such thing as perfection but I look it as positive way. How bad could it be? and if it brings us closer to God, or at the end of the day for our good sake, so, why dwell too much? So, yeah. overall, it has been a good month.

After every rainfall, there is a rainbow, aite.

Hence, here we go to a better year. Alhamdulillah. I just got married to a wonderful man on the 1st Jamadil Awal 1438H, and today is our 10th day as a married couple. Lols.No, I'm not counting. It is just wow, dah kahwin dahh. Haha.

I can't really say I am married to the man that I love for only-Allah-knows years. Because it is totally different. If you asked me, since when did we into each other? My answer will be, I don't know. We know each other since 7 years ago, back in college days, started as enemies. Lols, gaduh banyak wooo zaman dulu, and then we get along well after that. (sometimes. haha) I don't have exact date when we agree to get married. And I don't have exact date, I fall in love with him. And I don't have exact date when he propose me. Did he really propose me? Ha ha ha, And I don't know how couples have all the details about that and we don't.

It is a process. and it keeps growing.

Love is a commitment. Love is a word, a noun, a verb. Love is everything. (cloudy. hahah)

Our love story just begin. Still too young to understand. But we pray may Allah showers us with sakinah (peace, restfulness, honour and happiness), mawadah (love, affection) and rahmah (blessings, forgiveness, grace, mercy, compassion, and fortune) Amin!

It is still lots to learn about love and respect. I'm currently still reading book Love and Respect by Dr Emmerson Eggerichs, (a pastor, jangan kecam sis. lols). Was recommended by my brother. The book is good but full of reference from Bible. So, need to be careful. There are things are valid about relationship that we can still use. As a saying, Alhikmatul dholllatul mukminin.. haithuma wajadaha fahua ahaq’qubiha”- Hikmah itu adalah barang tinggalan milik orang mukmin, siapa sahaja yang menemuinya, maka dialah yang lebih berhak keatasnya.”

Gain knowledge as much as possible!

Anyway, back to the book. It says love is what the woman most desires and respect is the man desperately need. Love alone is not enough. There is a theory called "The Crazy Cycle". The theory described as without love, the wife will react and become disrespectful towards the husband, and when the husband don't feel respectful, then he reacts, and being unloving. And the cycle goes on. Like a wheel. It can be without respect, the husband react,being unloving and then, the wife being disrespectful. So, no blaming game here. It is just how a wife or husband react.

A quote from the book,
'trusting and obeying God's word because we love and reverence. God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! when the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don't feel like getting up. Because we do what we don't feel like doing, does that make us hypocrite? No, it is a sign we are responsible person. Showing respectful behavior when we don't feel respectful is evidence of maturity, not hypocrisy'

Still reading the book and haven't experienced any crazy cycle (yet!) So, for time being, everything looks nice and cloudy. Hahah. No, I am not being pessimist but I'm being realistic. and I'm enjoying the current phase. Cloud nine. Hahah. and yes, it is beyond my description of love. Un-describable. (lols, suka hati je buat term baru). and no, I'm not peer pressured my fellow friends to get married (although, indirectly yes. haha) because everyone has their own challenge and Allah has plan for everyone including you. So, your time will come soon. Keep on praying. Allah knows best. Your jodoh sesat somewhere. Huhu. He/She will come at a right time, right place, and as a right person. Believe in Allah, dear.


Need to learn more about love and respect. Long wayyy to go. May Allah bless us! Amin!

p/s puas boleh design sendiri banner and sticker. ngeeeee. Self Satisfaction.


From Facebook. Just to remind us again and again :)

Choose to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.

Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling and when possible, try to keep your phone off when you’re together with your spouse.

Make time together a priority. Budget for a consistent date night. Time is the “currency of relationships” so consistently invest time into your marriage.

Surround yourself with friends who will strengthen your marriage and remove yourself from people who may tempt you to compromise your character.

Make laughter the soundtrack of your marriage. Share moments of joy, and even in the hard times, find reasons to laugh.

In every argument, remember that there won’t be a “winner” and a “loser.” You are partners in everything so you’ll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution.

Remember that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It’s usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.Prioritize what happens in the bedroom. It takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it’s nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it!

Remember that marriage isn’t 50-50, divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It’s not splitting everything in half, but both partners giving everything they’ve got!

Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you’ve given your best to everyone else.

Learn from other people, but don’t feel the need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone else’s. God’s plan for your life is masterfully unique!

Don’t put your marriage on hold while you’re raising your kids or else you’ll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.

Never keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.

Never lie to each other. Lies break trust and trust is the foundation of a strong marriage.

When you’ve made a mistake, admit it and humbly seek forgiveness. You should be quick to say, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

When your husband/wife breaks your trust, give them your forgiveness instantly which will promote healing and create the opportunity for trust to be rebuilt. You should be quick to say, “I love you. I forgive you. Let’s move forward.”

Be patient with each other. Your spouse is always more important that your schedule.

Model the kind of marriage that will make your sons want to grow up to be good husbands and your daughters want to grow up to be good wives.

Learn from other people, but don’t feel the need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone Else. God’s plan for your life is masterfully unique!

Never talk badly about your spouse to other people or vent about them online. Protect your spouse at all times and in all places.

Always wear your wedding ring. It will remind you that you’re always connected to your spouse and it will remind the rest of the world that you’re off limits!

Connect into a community of faith. A good church can make a world of difference in your marriage and family.

Pray together. Every marriage is stronger with God in the middle of it.

When you have to choose between saying nothing or saying something mean to your spouse, say nothing every time!

Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each .

Writer : Unknown

Lot 2740
1343
10 Jamadil Awal 1438H

December!

Salam and hi!

Trying hard to write few posts but I deleted them. Why? I don't know. There are things that you should just keep inside your mind. There are things that you shouldn't share with the world. There are things that just remained as it is. Terkubur di telan zaman.

Am I getting wiser? Maybe.

Anyway, so hello December! 2016 almost come to an end. So, here I am at home, being a 'housewife', enjoy my holiday to the fullest, working part-time from home. So, I stopped working with my Dad at his clinic, and do what I do best - working at home.

For the last few weeks, trying to figure out what I can do and analyze my strength and weakness. SWOT analysis. Application of knowledge. Lols.

Currently working hard for my design studio. If you are still remember White Rose Design Studio (since 2013, well, I did post about it longggg time ago) Alhamdulillah, it is growing. And already signed an 'agreement' for joint venture with other studio. End of January for an official one. So far, prepare for the big day. Exciting. Which studio? jeng jeng, wait and see.

Few other big projects coming, publishing paper for my long overdue research -_-', author for a medical website, accepting few orders for designing banners, house chores since I am staying at home for free, soooo I need to do some household job la kan? lols. (jadi housewife pun penat. huhu)

That's pretty much my not-so-busy life. Including reading my overdue list of books. on personal development and some medical books to refresh my knowledge.

So, other personal related issues? Well, who says if your life stagnant means you don't have any challenge. Hidup senang pun ada ujian okayyyy. But let it be between me and God, Allah. Dah tuh awat mention? You just create curiosity from readers, okay, author. Haha. Lols,


Just listening to a talk in IKIM radio saying about hasad, (jealousy) and 'ain disease (penyakin ain). He says that all human being are created with hasad. but how they manage with hasad that makes each one is different. He also mention that you can share your nikmah i.e telling the world about what you have, what you get, but ready to take the risk of hasad. There are few ayah in the Quran about hasad but I don't know from which surah. Need to do more digging but this is not the first time I heard about this. Hence, be careful what you share and to whom you share.

So, author, are you now being skeptical towards readers? Lols, To be honest, I don't know how many people still reading blog, I know my fellow classmates and PPG Farah, Mirah, Mau and Bella. and only a very small number of unknown IP address. So, the answer to the question is NO, I'm not being skeptical but I'm being careful. Taqwa. Because whatever I wrote here will be asked during the judgement day. I can still write about my opinion, yada yadaa as long as not against Islam.


To be fair, it is not that easy not to share the joy, the news, etc, and in fact it is not wrong in Islam. We are advisable to share our nikmah! About the risk? We can't control other people's emotion or wish or prayers or etc That's why it is important to know who is your friend. and it is important to always pray pray pray to the owner of the heart, Him, The Almighty, Ya Muqalibal Qulb. Ask from Him the protection, only He can protect us. Even if you don't tell other people about your life, your nikmah etc, there must be someone who knows, you can't hide it for too long. We are not living in a cave, no internet yadaa yadaaa. People might take our photos and tag us on Facebook or rumors. So, the only way to do is pray to Him, to protect us from penyakit 'ain, hasad.

You can search more on Youtube, Just google Penyakit 'Ain.

Just a snippet. Find more on Youtbe.

May Allah protect us from this, hasad, and His anger. Amin.

p/s my classmates gossip about me in our whatsapp group and I don't know how to respond. Lols. You guys are just soooo straight forward. I loike. But I'm sorry I don't know what to do. Lols. Doa yang baik-baik ajaaaa.

Lot 2740

3 Rabiulawwal 1438H
2222

[SONG] It's Gonna Be Okay

Assalamualaikum and hi!

Here is my latest favorite song by my favorite group musician, The Piano Guys! They are just soooo brilliant with music and instruments. I don't know how to describe but just go and check out their channel on YouTube. The instrumental song are wonderful and soothing. 

Out of topic, they are believers, hurm how to put in words, they are those Christians who are preaching. I think that a better description. Hence, their songs are mostly for the soul, kinda feed the hungry soul that needs love. That is soooo Christianity. (Off note: currently reading on Love & Respect, written by a pastor with PhD) Anyway, that's not the point. I'm not going to meng-kafir you, readers. (since it has been a hot topic recently, regarding RUU 355. Huhu) Well, at least their message bring us closer to God, than those love song who always remind on lovers, daaaa. *maghah makngah. haha* Just joking. It is not wrong to listen to Christians song or in fact reading Bible (habis laa aku, kuar statement macamni) But seriously, if you know your own ground, your own religion, so why afraid of reading on other religions', it should make your faith stronger. But if you are that kind of religion by birth and have no interest on learning about your religion, there are lots lots of things you need to do. Renew your iman, bro and sis. We need to do that here and then. 

If you ask me, there are soooo many other songs on motivation like Maher Zain's or Saif Adam, why this song?

It is catchy. Lols. Not good enough, dear.

The song came when something happen. I was just soo nervous and the song keep on repeating say It's gonna be okay. That's the key in memorizing and learning things. Repeating. Nak hafal ayat quran pun depa suruh ulang banyak kali, masakan wanita hafizah yang tengah period dibenarkan ulang ayat quran. To shows that our brain works that way. It is not as simple as oh he/she is genius. Well, maybe genius in finding out the smartest way to  memorize. But the key point is repeating. *dah lalut dah ni*

So, yeah. That's why this song means so much to me. And I need it now. As a person who don't like spotlight and love being wallpaper have to face the reality. Sampai bila? You need to stand your ground. It's gonna be okay, dear. Huhu. 

 

Okay

“Okay” written by Andy Grammar and Dave Bassett

The Piano Guys Arrangement produced and written by Al van der Beek & Steven Sharp Nelson

Performed by The Piano Guys:

Al van der Beek: Vocals

Jon Schmidt: Piano

Steven Sharp Nelson: Cello, cello percussion

Mixed and mastered by Al van der Beek at TPG Studios, Utah

Doubt is a broken record that play inside my head.

I try to turn it down, but I can't quite drown it out.

I'm tortured everyday, these never ending worries, Pulling on my sleeves.

So many times now I was supposed to tap out.

All the walls would fall around me.

All anybody would tell me, Is all that bad news how it's gonna fall through.

But no matter what they say or what they say,

It's gonna be, gonna be, OKAY! (a a a ay 3x).

It's gonna be, gonna be, OKAY! (a a a ay 3x).

No matter what you've been through here you are.

No matter if you think you're falling apart.

It's gonna be OKAY!

And there is a battle raging in yout heart but you must win.

It comes for all of us, saying we are not enough.

So fight for your life. The worlds gonna try.

To sell you some lies.

So many times now I was supposed to tap out.

All the walls would fall around me.

All anybody would tell me, Is all that bad news how it's gonna fall through.

But no matter what they say or what they say,

It's gonna be, gonna be, OKAY!

It's gonna be, gonna be, OKAY!

No matter what you've been through here you are.

No matter if you think you're falling apart.

It's gonna be OKAY!

It's gonna be, gonna be, OKAY!

It's gonna be, gonna be, OKAY!

No matter what you've been through here you are.

No matter if you think you're falling apart.

It's gonna be OKAY!

It's gonna be, gonna be, OKAY!

It's gonna be, OKAY!

WOAH, WOAH WOAH! (It's gonna be, gonna be)

WOAH, WOAH WOAH! (It's gonna be, OKAY!)

WOAH, WOAH WOAH! (It's gonna be, gonna be)

WOAH, WOAH WOAH! (It's gonna be, OKAY!)

Read more: The Piano Guys - Okay Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

2145

Lot 2745

25 Muharram 1438H

Med School Life (Part 2)

Salam and hi!

As promised, second and last part of the journey. You can read first part here.

2014

Hello clinical year! I should be at home for 3 months holiday tapi gatal tangan, I applied for summer research. Extra money beb, haha. Oh well, dah every summer kena bayar 200 euro for resit exam, I need money okay plus duit hilang dulu. Huhu.

So, that summer, I spent amazing days with amazing orthopedic team. Alhamdulillah managed to publish the case report but still trying to publish the paper (up until today. My supervisor is nice but scary. He just emailed me few days ago asking about publishing the paper! Hey, it has been 2 years okay. Menghantui. Lols) Anyway, it was a great experience, people called me DR. (kuat berangan time ni. Haha) 

Apart from that, it was a tough year emotionally. This was the year I was involved in relationship which I am bad in it. There were ups and downs but alhamdulillah I can say we survived that year.

Welcoming 4th year! New things to learn. I passed most of the modules in first semester but it wasn't 100% anyway, need to include case report etc. So, let's see the following year.

amazing team during summer research - OT MGH,2014

my playground- MGH,2014

2015

I enjoyed studying O&G, paeds, GP and psych. But it was a lot in a year! So, again, resit. Almost all modules, except OSCE. Sigh. Maybe I do love talking. Ehehs. 

 Went for viva earlier because it was borderline mark. It was scary. 4 examiners - 2 internal, 2 external from UK. Susah okayy soalan. I hate viva. Lols. and true enough, I didn't make it.

Received a warning email from med school telling me I have last chance to continue medicine. Debar tuh tak payah cakap. Fear of failure creeping me again. I didn't tell anyone about the email except Him, The Almighty. Hope vs Fear, you decide. So, I choose Hope. 

This time was different than before. I was stronger both emotion and mental. I seek for help. Number of classmates help us. They arranged online tutorials, shared notes, tips, past year questions etc. Alhamdulillah. I'm grateful to have them and my partner in 'crime' Jasmin. We do MCQ for GP EVERYDAY through Skype. Epic. Memang memorable betul la.


And Alhamdulillah I made it.

So, hello final year! Excited! First semester was okay. I passed my first semester exam. This time I'm pretty sure I passed. To be honest, I love final year first semester. The coolest team ever - Omar, the Canadian, Mico, the philipino, and Chichi, the Nigerian. Sooo international okayyy. Hardworking boleh tahan. I did enjoy my time with them. Any challenges? Ujian? Yes, the relationship part again. Lols. Begitulah hidup. Haha.

Omar, Chi chi, Mico, dream team 1.0 - OT, 2015

the study group for 2 years. *love*

2016

Second semester was more like junior intern. They expect us to be like an intern. Do all the intern job. Blood, prescribe, ECG etc. Lots of self studying. It was okay apart from kena marah. Sumpah memang akan ingat. That Huntington patient with inquiry for stroke. Medical student doing the referral to stroke team? Yeah, that’s me. Med student request for CT scan. Yeah, that's me. All without supervision. She just arah me to do it by MYSELF. For the first time. Since then, I hate MAU and her. Haha. Anyway, old story. She taught me to become more head-strong, ask for help, etc Ala HO kat Malaysia lagi teruk kena marah. I think now I have hati kering. Preparing me for future I guess.

I love surgery or anything that have definite stuffs like organizing, administrating, etc. but not medicine which so confusing, end up the patient come back again because they are still smoking or not compliance to medication or poor access to healthcare or not attending OPD etc. In general medicine, we can't treat the patient properly if the healthcare system that we are living in is not supportive or not accommodative.


Back to 2016 stories, if you read my previous previous post, I did mention about forgive myself yadaa yadaa. So, I was so panicked during the long case, and I did poorly in it. I thought I would cover it up with my short case and theory papers. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. It comes separately.

In long case, there was a patient with community acquired pneumonia with no co morbidity. It was pretty straight forward case. The examiner said I present it well, but I did poorly in my discussion part. They asked about fluid and oxygen management (though they want to know about CURB 65, geeee. I have prepared that okayy) There are no definite management for fluid (I learnt this during extended rotation) but well things happened, the examiner want to hear what inside his mind. I don't like the surgeon examiner. (haha)

Anyway, I was called for viva the evening after my short case. Urgh. Panic attack stroked again. 5 people in a room and me alone. I think I did fairly well about hyperkalemia management not until they asked on mechanism of ACE inhibitor. Heyyy, I thought they want to ask only management. Geee. And the surgeon asked about post-opt AAA patient with endoleak. I couldn’t figure out on endoleak. Sobs sobs. But I said about shock tho. Huhu. The external examiner asked on MI, Alhamdulillah managed to answer all his questions and ECG interpretation. What an experience! 

And later that very same day, I received a call saying I didn't pass. Everything happened so fast - sat for exam in the morning, got a call from med school in the afternoon, two hours later went to the hospital for viva, few hours after that received a call I failed. So, here it goes, an extension rotation. Sobs. Heartbroken? Yes. Depress? Hurm not really. Maybe a little. Need to cancel my trip to Egypt and going back to Malaysia instead. For a week.


Went to see the Prof with my brother by my side and go through all the marks. The school was wondering why I didn't pass my long case given that I have a pretty high marks for the other modules - my short case and the paper. To be honest, I love my short cases. All examiners were very nice and helpful and it was only 6 minutes each station anyway. It was on Aortic Stenosis, RA, Sepsis, Vanc prescription, radiology CT brain extradural haemorrhage, ankle fracture, lung collapse, and COPD (hate this station. Huhu)


So, things happened. There you go 2 months extension. Went to Swiss and Italy with Kak Yanti, and went back to Malaysia for a week before the rotation starts. Well, balik Malaysia for another drilling session with my sister who is now a specialist oncologist. Boleh tahan la drill dia. But it was good.

enjoy each moment lols

while waiting for tutorials.lols, - comerford,2016

During the extension, went to UK number of times given that my parents were here for my brother's graduation. Banyak kali juga la tuang. Lols. But heyyy I did extra work okay. I went for oncall, scrub in, etc.

Learnt a lot in these 2 months since it was a very personal training. The tutors were very close to us. How much I hate MAU before had turned to love. Because of the people. Gituuu. Indeed, the place doesn't mean anything if there are no one there to make it meaningful.

The consultant and the team in MAU were different than before. This time, everyone in the team received an email saying medical students are coming and we are the special one. They gave a very special attention too. -_-" In fact, they were so curious how come we failed (see, we are not that bad. We are just special) Haha. What to do boss, things happened. Panic is not good. And you know what they did to me after knowing I failed because I was so panic, they drilled me really hard, bombarded with lots lots lots of questions. Present case, not a problem, at the tip of the tongue. Gitu haaa. They do a very good job in overcome my weakness. That's medicine rotation.

after solat. haha. - CSI Prayer Room,2016

Surgical rotation was another story. The surgical tutors were well known for being mean. I haven't experience it but people told me that. Oh well, since I love surgery, I love to challenge myself. Down tak payah cakap la bila kena. They were straight forward. Whatever questions you asked them, they will ask you back. They make you think instead of spoon-feeding. They were mean but in a positive way. Towards the end of the rotation, they were actually very nice. "you know Deejay, if you go in this pace, you will definitely pass, not just pass, but with flying colors"

just before present to GerFlah. *excuse for our obsession on each other. what to do. we are special* ehehs - Comerford, 2016

Then towards the end of rotation, five (or sometimes 6) of us make our own team, we do our own ward round, examine patient by ourselves, exam stimulation. It was so great. Fefeling doctor. Haha. Having classmates as intern make our life soooo much easier. Whenever we saw them, "do you have interesting patient?" lols.


So, the actual exam came. For long case, I got a cellulitis patient with venous ulcer on background of diabetes. The examiners were Prof O'Brien and Ms Malone (heard she was scary, but luckily she was super nice during exam) So, they asked about why they keep the patient, type of ulcer, management of cellulitis, management of venous ulcer, pathophysiology of venous ulcer, Marjolin ulcer, diabetes medications, COPD as she has that. Overall, I did well. (because it is a surgical case. Lols)


Then, I have not-so-short case, (depa suka je tambah-tambah exam), a patient with pontine stroke. Hoho. Sumpah tak tahu pontine stroke. Tahu la stroke. Anyway, they asked me to examine, do neuro exam, asked about innervation of the lips, do speech exam, asked about causes of stroke, do CVS exam, interpret ECG, management of Afib. It was 15 minutes or more in that particular patient. It was horrible. Trust me. The two examiner were so weird? They were being too helpful until my brain stop working. Lols. I don't like the case at all anyway. 

The patient has a bit of articulation problem, muscle, but speech center was fine. I want to say that but the examiner cut me off saying he has normal speech. Ouh alright. Then the ECG part, it was irregular and haywire, though A.Fib but I can see the P wave. Hence, I said there was P wave. Damn. The pulse was not that easy to figure out if A.Fib. I try to listen with my stets, but sound normal. Again, I was screwed. The patient has one sided pronator drift. Though about cerebellum. The examiner asked on symptoms for pontine stroke. Weyy, function of pons pon lupa okayyy. (sila Google sekarang) Again, another screwed.

A pontine stroke is a stroke that occurs in the pons, which is a portion of the brain stem. The pons is located between the midbrain and medulla. Its function is to relay messages between the cerebral hemispheres and cerebellum.- ref

The positive part - I answered correctly about the causes of stroke, management of A.Fib, I examined correctly the neuro system, speech, and CVS.

It was horrible. Went back home, cried. Waiting for Jasmin to go back. She was after me. Was talking to her, complaining etc, then suddenly we received a call from med school saying we pass!!! We did sujud syukur immediately and going crazy! Hahah. All five of us passed the exam. Alhamdulillah. Despite the horrible exam, huhu, Allah is soooo generous. Everything happened so fast! And later that day we went out for celebration. The feelings MasyaAllah, relief, feels like a huge burden has been lift up from our shoulders.

our dream team 2.0 _ Josh, Max, Jen, DJ, Ashley and Min. Our first celebration. The day of exam (& result!) -High Cafe, 2016

our third celebrations? lols. Play Name It Game in the middle of cafe. haha. Gourmet Tart Cafe, Salthill, 2016 

adios eire! beannacht, Éire, dublin airport,2016

____________________________________________________________________

So, there you go my life journey in med school. Not included in this are - how my family supports me, my bestfriend PPG, him, my studygroup mate, my Galwegians family, my UK and Ireland family, other important people in my life and this blog. All those give me a huge impact. Not to mention the One and only, Allah. How He brings me through all those hardship, to become a better servant. Amin.

For time being, meh la berbakti pada ibu bapa. After 13 years staying away from home. Separuh umur weyyy. (5 years in high school, 2 years in college, 6 years in university) Hurm. Cukup solehahkah aku, Mami Papa?

Hence, answering to my busy schedule even though jobless/half-employed.

Just a kind reminder to myself. Rezeki manusia tak sama. Lain orang lain rezekinya dan kita memang akan diuji, be it in academic,relationship or iman. Have gone through that before. My studies were okay, then suddenly came the relationship challenge. Huhu. But all these happens should bring us closer to Him.


Whatever you do in life, be a good one. :)



1234
12 Muharram 1438H
Lot 2740

Med School Life (Part 1)

Salam and hi!

It has been agesssss (hyperbole) since the last time I wrote here. Oh well, I am busy. Lols. Busy tanam anggur. Haha. JK.

Just joking. For the last 3 months +, there are soooo many life changing events. From being a student to jobless to half employed worker, then from being a caveman (duk gua. Lols) to half-social person (I wouldn't consider myself as social type person) From being single to married (in my dream. Hahah) and the list goes on. It was so hectic with full of roller-coaster emotion here and there. But above all, Alhamdulillah for the blessings from Above.

So, as I said, from a student to jobless, it means Alhamdulillah I'm done with med school! Yay! I have been thinking I should write on my long med school journey. For my future reference, that I have survived. If you are a regular reader or my close friends, you might know what happened in my life for the last 6 years. But I didn't wrote down exactly what happened (but you can guess or assume) as believe it or not I am kind of a private person. Ha ha ha. Yeah, I know.

 So, this time, I'm gonna write a very long post of my 6 years journey. But not so details (I hope. Wink) I do hope you will learn something (apart from knowing more about me. Hahah *perasan*)

So, here it goes! Let's the journey begin! Vroooommm

2010

Alhamdulillah I passed my IB exam with flying colors (I would say) and I have very wonderful memories back in KMB. With PPG by my side, up until today, and counting. My classmates are cool, awesome, unique, name-it. It was all good apart from IB wasn't that easy, but Alhamdulillah I managed and enjoyed every moment as an IB student. (plus, my transition from all girls world to understand the creatures from Mars. Lols)

So, in Sept 2010, I flew to Ireland. The journey took me 3 days (flight delay etc, I have wrote about it back in 2010) It wasn't a smooth sailing. I lost a HUGE amount of money during that journey plus my bank draft for 6 months allowance and it was first day of Syawwal when we first arrived the city. It was horrible. I was very tired emotionally and physically. Not because homesick, but the thought that I broke my mom's heart. Yeah. My parents got angry because I was so careless. I need to manage my financial carefully. Plus, Irish accent wasn't that familiar. And at that time our anatomy lecturer was an Italian which make it worse. I barely understand what he said. It took me a while to grab the knowledge. But it was too late. I need to resit few papers during summer. (3 papers in total, I have friend with 4 or more, but she survived)

creature from Mars

classmates

raya 2010

2011

Summer 2011, I went home and come back early for the exam and back home again for raya celebration. Spent my first summer Ramadhan in Ireland which means longer days. And at that time, we lived in a 'cave'. No one knows we were there. I can't stand and told my cousin (who was working in Dublin). She came down to see me and gave moral support.

After the exam, I bought my first smartphone, considering the result will be out during my journey back to Ireland in September. Later, I clearly remember I checked my result in a bus on the way back to Galway with a thought that I come back as a second year student. Unfortunately, it did't happen. I failed my two out of three modules by only few marks. 2011 was a tough year. I went to see lecturers, thinking about appeal. Attend second year class in denial state that I am repeating first year again. Alone. It took me sometime to accept the fate. (you can read the blog post back in 2011. All the rants, the struggles)

But hey, I passed my anatomy anyway! That's the biggest achievement as most of my classmate repeating that. Huhu.

my small family in Galway during those tough times - 2011

2012

Early 2012, I was still adjusting with the new life, different timetable than my housemates, different life, different class, etc. But Alhamdulillah Allah brings me through it. I have wonderful people around me. My small family in Galway, seniors, friends, juniors, classmates, housemates. 13 of the class repeating the year. We sat together and form a study group. So,yup have been mingle with them for some time. (as the only one Malaysian. Have to)

Thank God we were only repeating the one that we failed, not like RCSI. I'm glad Allah put me in this university. So, it wasn't too bad. It was just the fear of failure got me. Feeling it was like disgrace, unfortunate, and all negative words. But to be honest, I learnt a lot about life. Sekarang boleh la cakap, when it happens, depress mak oi. Lols. 

Anyway, I passed my summer exam and have 3 months of summer holiday, yay!

The 2nd year first semester was okay, adjusting with full timetable (since I have one class per week for a year before!) so, no more waking up late, welcome presentations, assignment, essays! Plus adjusting with extra Malaysians classmates!

new classmates. have been mingle with mat salleh for the whole one year-oh well, we were in a same boat what. ngeee

2013

2nd year was okay initially. I nailed all those killer subjects. Health and Disease (H&D), Drugs and Disease (D&D), and other big modules with huge credits! I love that subject because it was soooo practical and solving problem style. ( I am that type of person) But but but it didn't end there. Life is not like a bed of roses! Indeed, I need to resit 2 small tiny modules. Genetic and Molecular Medicine. For God's sake, to be honest, I don't understand that modules at all. Anyway, redah je laaa. 

Went home for summer and stayed at my sister's house to babysit her son and at the same time taught me about those modules since she was doing her master in Oncology. So, it is kinda related but I still can't make sense of it. After the exam, there was a moment where the unofficial result was release. Bear in mind, I HAVE to pass this exam to continue study medicine. Our university didn't allow to repeat a year twice. 

Back to the unofficial result, it turned out I didn't pass by one mark. So, it means I have to go back home. For good. I felt so down, depress, stress, etc. But I believe there was still hope. (one incident in the past where the IB points change in a night and no one knows how it happened) I keep praying to Allah. Ask for His Guidance and Strength. Only Allah knows how desperate I was. How I really want to stay. How bad I want it. No one knows about those bad days. Not even my parents, or PPG or my housemates. 

Few days later, the official result was out when I was in a friend house. I excused myself and on the way home, at the road side, I checked, and Alhamdulillah I passed! I didn't how it happened, but I passed. I clearly remember I did sujud syukur at that particularly place, ignore the pedestrians, the neighbors, the Irish etc. It was the most wonderful feelings ever! Trust me, you will feel Allah hears you. And yes He is, always.

So, hello third year! Nothing much. Again trying hard, pledge for no more resit and Alhamdullillah I made it.

Raya Haji 2013, presentation day on H&D. Katie was one of the most positive friend I have ever since first year. We have gone through a lot together. All those repeating dramas. Lols - 2013

To be continued.... chee wahhh. Hehe


Lot 2740
12 Muharram 1438H
1143

Of Ramadhan and Eid

Another Ramadhan is gone.  A self reflection on this year Ramadhan and Eid celebration. 

Fasting 19 hours were indeed challenging.  My routine keep on changing but towards the end I know I need to do something before I miss the Laylatul Qadr.

So,  what are the obstacles? I don't want to write too details but you'll get general idea. :)

1 -  I started at 8am or 9am.  Depends.  Fajr was at 3am until 5am. It is either you stay up at night until Fajr or you sleep first then wake up later,  miss the sahur.

2 - I finished at 5pm or sometimes 7pm. Again depends.  Maghrib was at 10pm. Tiredness kills. *but I survived.  So,  either you sleep or have a good rest before breakfast i.e read Quran,  light books,  *definitely not medical books. Lols. 

3 - My parents were in UK for 2 weeks++ for my brother's conferring.  My weekends were full.  Went to Edinburgh twice in 2 weeks.  No,  I'm not complaining.  I love it!! Again,  the routine was changed.  When you are travelling in fasting month and you have a rental car,  then you should add in Tarawikh at mosques,  break fast outside (so that you can taste different types of local food or your brother's cooking skill)

4 - Celebrations in fasting month! Well happens to be my birthday was during  fasting  month and my brother was just graduated. We have two special occasions at different time. Lots of things to be grateful.  Alhamdulillah.

5 - Moving out. Just to get everything done. Sell old furniture online, Clean up the house,  pack all the treasures,  throw away lots lots lots of rubbish, and 6 years medical notes.  Heartbroken. Sobs.  Advice to young medical students, have notes in Google Drive or soft copy.  Not hard copy. Technology evolved.  Use wisely. Lols.  Again,  tiredness of sort up things i.e which one to keep,  which one to throw,  which one to bring home etc. Making decisions are the most tiring thing to do! Huhu.  It took me ages to clear up my room. And centuries for the kitchen.  Lols.

6- Breakfast invitations.  Received lots of invitations from neighbours,  friends etc.  When Maghrib was at 10pm and you start at 8am on the next day,  you don't want to stay late at night,  do social activities. You feel your time are precious.  Plus,  Fajr was at 3am. Of course you want to spend more time with your loved one,  Him. The Almighty  <3

If you ask me how I did? I don't know.  There were ups and downs as well.  Not all beautiful. There were times I overslept, miss sahur,  miss Tarawikh, etc.  It was indeed very challenging.  More so when your housemates went on call or went for holiday and you were living alone and your phone goes dead.  There were also times when I managed to stay up at night especially at those odd nights, talking to Him, share stories with Him, complaint things to Him.  Lols.. Alhamdulillah. I miss those days. To be honest, never in my life feeling like literally searching for Laylatul Qadr.  Never.  I know about it.  But it was always so difficult to get the feeling.  The spirit.  More so in Malaysia.  But this year,  I feel the different.  In what way? Hurm.  I don't know.  Less distraction maybe? Less social media? (Fyi,  I have deactivate my FB.  But not other.  Huhu) Maybe that's the reason.  Maybe. 

In conclusion, there are many things happened in this year's Ramadhan! And surely time flies sooo fast.  May Allah accepts our deeds.  Amin!

Eid wasn't much different. Be it at home or here. (of course except our family is not here and duit raya) The night of 1st Syawal,  the celebration was awesome! We have pelita,  kids running around and of course FOOD! The raya itself,  we went to takbir at the community centre and 3 open houses! Road trip and convoy! For 20plus year old lady,  what do you expect,  huh! Be together and eat and eat and talk and laugh. Lols.  That's basically our eid.  Have another open house during the weekend.  But it's okay.  4 are already massive.  More so,  this is not Malaysia. 

Alhamdulillah. 

As you grew older,  your definition of ramadhan and raya are changing.  What do you want from each are also not the same anymore. 

When you are small,  Ramadhan means puasa, khatam Quran, terawih,  bazar Ramadan and raya means salam raya, says maaf zahir batin,  duit raya,  solat raya,  baju raya,  takbir.

But now,  Ramadhan means His present to His servant,  doa,  hope,  bulan pahala, Laylatul Qadr and raya means silaturahim, happiness, joy,  back to fitrah. :)

Hence, eid mubarak to all of you and may Allah bless you!

P/s semoga masih ada Ramadhan pada tahun hadapan. Amin! And another new experience of Ramadhan next year? More responsibilities maybe? Semoga Allah beri kekuatan, dipermudahkan segala urusan, dan dimurahkan rezeki. Amin! :)  

Riyadatul Soliheen
1920
4 Syawwal 1437H

Never ending life lessons

Sometimes we take things for granted and we thought no one care. But the truth is different people have different way of showing.

During those tough times, I have saw, met, talked, different types of people. I've heard a quote saying you'll know your true friends during your tough times. I'm kinda partially agree, but it is not 100% true.

I learn about it in a hard way and I learn my lesson. Let me tell you.

One of many other stories.

People say girls gossip more. But the truth is both gender gossip. No gender superior to another. So, I know this guy. Well, I rarely talked to guy (or even befriend). Not because I am a feminist Lols. Just because I don't have a reason to talk to them. (boleh terima? Lols)

Anyway, back to this guy. Let's give him a name, Mr X. He is famous in our class as a very friendly guy. And he is belong to a group of man. Hurm, how to put it, a kecoh group? Lols. So, happened to be we were in a same group in faraway (read:peripheral) land for our last rotation. It was near to exam and we were only 5 of us Malaysians and 2 Irish. Hence, we have to work together. I have no problem with him. No at all. But he knows too much about my personal life (which I have no idea where he got it. Never talk to him before). I'm kinda don't like it. But I don't want to make a scene and I don't have any grudge on him. Not at all. Why? Hurm, because I know he is Kecoh group member. Lols. Anyway, I believe the more we discuss about it, the more information leak. So, I decided to keep quiet and only talk about studies or relevant stuffs etc.

Ok. So, when this 'thing' happened, a friend told me, he knew. Well, he is a member of Kecoh group. No surprised. No at all. But this time, I did feel a little bit hurm annoying?. Not just him but anyone else. People talked behind your back and do nothing. Just talked. It hurts. It really hurts. I don't mind people know I have go through this and that, but if you know he or she have go through calamity, as a friend or at least as a brother or sister in Islam, offer your help. Be it as beautiful words, prayers, physical help. Anything! There are so many things you can do. (reminder to myself. But unfortunately, I'm always the last person to know about this stuffs that happens to other people. Hurm. Asyik duduk dalam gua. Memang la. Lols)

So, I thought he was like that until one day, he texted me.

He asked me how am I, how I cope with, and say he will pray for me.

I asked him why he do that, ada orang bagi ceramah ke. Lols. But he said no, he really want to call/text me, but he is just waiting for a right time. He told my friend, he knows how hard I study, how hard I was, based from the 3 weeks rotation, and he was afraid I'm not okay, and couldn't take the news. That's why he wants to wait (until after 3 weeks to text me)

And I'm touched.
I'm wrong. 

This is just one of many other stories, with different people, especially those are dear to me. Family and best friends. Mum told me, "We are caring a lot, in our own ways" 

Indeed, mum, indeed.

Hence, for this Ramadhan resolution: Purify the heart, more husnuzon, ask guidance from Allah. (minta sungguh-sungguh)

Salam Ramadhan, everyone! May Allah accepts our deeds this year and may this year much much much more better than last year. Amin!

91A

1725

29 Syaaban 1437H

Do good because He loves those who do good

Beautiful advice by the great scholar Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah):

“A friend can not share your struggles, 

and a loved one cannot physically take away your pain, 

and a close one will not stay up the night on your behalf. 

So look after yourself, protect yourself, nurture yourself and don’t give life’s events more than what they are really worth. 

Know for certain that when you break no one will heal you except you, and when you are defeated no one will give you victory except your determination. 

Your ability to stand up again and carry on is your responsibility. 

Do not look for your self worth in the eyes of people; look for your worth from within your conscious. 

If your conscious is at peace then you will ascend high and if you truly know yourself then what is said about you won’t harm you.

Do not carry the worries of this life because this is for Allah. 

And do not carry the worries of sustenance because it is from Allah. 

And do not carry the anxiety for the future because it is in the Hands of Allah.

Carry one thing: How to Please Allah. 

Because if you please Him, He Pleases you, fulfils you and enriches you.

Do not weep from a life that made your heart weep. Just say, "Oh Allah compensate me with good in this life and the hereafter.”

Sadness departs with a Sajdah. 

Happiness comes with a sincere Du'a. 

Allah does not forget the good you do. Nor does he forget the good you did to others and the pain you relieved them from. 

Nor will He forget the eye which was about to cry but you made it laugh.

Live your life with this principle: Be good even if you don’t receive good, not because of other’s sake but because Allah loves those who do good.“ 

Ibn Qayyim

CSI

1323

22 Syaban 1437

Hang it there.

8 days to Ramadhan. Allahu.  

91A 

1733

21 Syaban 1437H 

Stop having expectations

Lessons to be learnt.


Expectations hurt when it does not meet.

Be it to yourself or to other people.


You expect people to react the way that you want.

You expect people to have the same feeling as yours.

You expect people to do things.

You expect people to say things that you want to hear.


You expect you can achieve that and that.

You expect you can do that and that.

You expect things going on as plan.

You expect.....

You expect....

You expect.....


Too many expectations from a person.

Too many expectations from myself.


Learn to accept the way they are.

Learn to accept the fate.

Learn to accept your ability.

Learn to let go.

Learn to move on.

Learn to understand.

Learn to learn about other people.




A long talk with my sister and she told me this, don't expect he will change to the person you want. You need to accept the way he is. You need to be patience. Never stop loving, never stop knowing him after married.

(oh well, applicable to everything, everyone we know and it is a two way thing. Including your best friends, your friends, studygroup mate, family etc)


Adiós, feelings. Penat ar layan perasaan. Ok. Just joking :P

Adiós, expectations!

Bon voyage, classmates.

Bon voyage, groupmates.

All the best in your future undertaking.


Ola, Prof Kerin, books, MAU, Dr Gallagher, Dr Goulding, Dr Finn,

Class of 2016, you guys will be missed.




1423

16 Syaaban 1437H

Sri Damansara

The day I decide to hide the tears. Ok, just joking #swiss16

I'm lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for lending your shoulders and ears and be there during the tough time.  #whenweseeprof

last day of exam. #beforeeverythngchange

with a very positive classmate and a clingy one. lols. JK. #lastdayofexam

rumah kurning yang suka hijack kak yanti :P #lastdayoftutorial 

bride-to-be. lagi advance dari kakak ni. hoho. #adikakaktalk

last rotation #teamcastlebar

a prompt visit my kesayangan #whenheisnotwell #edin16

break time. team #lectureblock

The dream team - big brother, little brother, little sister #awesometeam

international dinner #team90s

 with Dean School of Medicine #can'tsaygoodbyeyettothisman. hoho

#studygroupmates

It is not the end. It is just the beginning. Hang it there.
Stop having expectations and move on.

Whatever happens, Allah knows, Allah is always there.

Berhenti berharap pada manusia. Kerana tuhan ada.